This particular topic has been discussed in several posts we've done on Infidelity but not really from this perspective. The closest I could find was on the reason Nigerian marriages are such a farce. But beyond naija and our issues, why do women generally turn a blind eye to their men cheating? The biggest name you'll hear the most often is Hilary Clinton, and she is still with her husband, Bill Clinton. Thoughts?
Did she turn a blind eye or forgave him and moved on? If you read Clinton's book. He was punished in that marriage for months as Hillary strategise a way to deal with him. For some women, they may turn blind eyes cuz of the fear of 'unknown' and this believe that 'men will be men'.
ReplyDeleteFor some, it is about values and the understand that inhuman beings are fallible. Even though it is not common but that have been cases of men that forgave their wives for cheating.
I guess some one time is enough. For others they forgive one time and find a way to reconcile and episodes not repeated. There are ardent cheaters but for some it is falling and falling hard and they wish they never did...
I concur with the comment.....
Deletesome simply don't care cos they only want babies from him, or his money or are simply tapping sme too or it was a marriage of convenience and or keep the pretense...
In general people are have interesting mindsets....
I agree with StandTall's comment. She probably forgave him and moved on but that doesn't mean many women don't turn a blind eye. One reason may be the thought of starting a new life alone without the "security" that a husband brings and another reason may be that they just can't be bothered to address the issue.
ReplyDeleteFor one a lot of women have it at the back of their mind that all men cheat. So not turning a blind eye to him is to turning a blind eye to every other man which in turn fall back to one thing. They're scared be not turning. A blind eye they'll be alone the rest of their lives. Another thing is when they find that one man that they tag as their 'prince charming' who has done every so right so far. They wouldn't mind turning a blind eye because they would make it an exceptional excuse. A lot of women also put their children and welfare first and not everyone is cut out for the ' I am independent woman' lifetime. But most of all women generally have a forgiving heart partly due to the fact that we are the weaker sex and it is a man's world.
ReplyDeleteAll these said, women don't particularly turn a blind eye, they weigh their pros and cons and act on that. It will determine that way the situation will be handled.
As a friend of mine will always say"men will be men,and they will always cheat". Sadly enough,a man cheating is no longer an issue,its kinda bcome his birth right to cheat, so long as he comes home at night and drops enough money. I think women have adopted the fatalistic attitude that you can't stop a man from cheating,so long as he doesn't bring the other woman home, and they hv learnt to turn a blind eye to it.
ReplyDeleteThere are plenty who don't. Sandra Bullock didn't. I guess it just depends how much confidence she has and if the cheating is a habit that he's not going to quit.
ReplyDeleteSome actually don't turn a blind eye like Stand Tall pointed out. Sadly though, I still believe those are in the minority.
ReplyDeleteYou'd be shocked to know that even some of our mothers and aunties would tell you "a man would always be a man, as long as he provides and as long as he doesn't bring them home to replace you, just let him be"...Sadly, some of us believe this and take these words as good advice.
Background, self image and core values play a major role in how we women respond to infidelity. I sure wish more of us would hold our men to higher standards though.
Marriage is, and should always be, for better, for worse. There must be room for forgiveness in marriage, because it is a life commitment ordained by an ever-forgiving God. If you say you love your spouse, it doesn't just end in the saying. If you love him/her, demonstrate it. Love is not about saying, it is about doing. At the point of infidelity, demonstrate that love you have vowed to him/her at the altar: to love and to cherish . . . all the days of your life till death do you part. If you truly love your spouse, that love should be able to help you forgive him/her. Show it at the point of infidelity, upon an incident of a ghastly accident that has rendered him/her flaccid like a piece of vegetable, etc. Onyinye Chukwu is wrong. Women cheat, too . . . Big time. Unfortunately, we live in a world, an ever-changing world, where love is nothing but phoney, where selfishness is the order of the day, where men and women are lovers of themselves, people keep pointing accusing fingers at one another, working hard to correct others, but do not want to work on their own flaws, or even admit that they themselves have flaws and/or shortcomings. No one wants to love, and no one wants to forgive. Then when you love, you become like an alien from another planet since it is no longer in the world system to love. And when you forgive, people call you foolish! Let us remember that love and forgiveness go together. The former is the feeling, whilst the latter is the action. For those who believe in God and the trinity, God is love, and God is forgiveness. Yes, He forgave us by sending His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to die for us in order to reconcile us to Him. Therefore, you who go to church every Sunday to hear the Gospel of love and forgiveness, why can't you demonstrate it by practising what you preach at the pulpit and/or hear from the pulpit?
ReplyDeletewise words, thanks
DeleteI love this comment! Not easy though.
DeleteSomeone gave advice during my wedding. He was saying that rats will always be rats, they will always look for hidden spots to explore. He said to my wife, "remember that men are like rats. and you cant change that."
ReplyDeleteBull Sugar!
DeleteYour friend told your wife at your wedding that you will be cheating on her and you're patting yourself on the back because your friend was pre-validating your cheating (on the most sacred of ceremonies).
Rubbish.
Men are greedy selfish things and l blame society for making it acceptable for men to cheat, you cheat , you out , simple but painful , a men can never be satisfied with one woman even the respectable ones who try not to show it to their wives, they are a few , and l mean few genuine ones but have their baggage too .
ReplyDeletei dnt bliv Infidelity shud b strong enuf 2 crash a xtionship...if d guy is truly repentant then there shud b no issue
ReplyDeleteMen are not greedy or selfish... Men are not rats like some people would say... Men would always be men doesn't give dem excuse to cheat... You're a man wen u care 4 ur wife n family... Ladies know this. Men are like babies, wen dey trust u, u bcom their oracle. And pls some boys didn't grow up. So stop classifying dem as men.
ReplyDeleteLike most have noted, a woman may turn a blind eye because of the fear of the unknown.There is also no guarantee that the next man she ends up with will not cheat.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that some women will condone infidelity because the guy is providing their other needs.In this era of STD's and HIV, I don't know how you can be okay knowing you man is stepping out on you.