Dear Myne, I am such a dilema and very hurt. I am in my mid 20s and work as a researcher somewhere in Europe and was presenting at a conference this week. The lodging was in a flat with 2 guys ( the venue was a resort), I had my own room and so did the guys.
However, after a trip to the city, one of the guys (non-Nigerian) had to do something in the city, leaving me with this other guy. I didnt think anything was amiss, we gisted, chatted and I told him I want to take a nap, so as to wake up to do some work.
Somewhere in the night, I felt a movement around me and I saw this guy naked! I started screaming and he was asking that I stopped. I was so terrified. In my shock, I went into the patio and found a place to sleep. Called my boyfriend in the UK, and he was very angry and he asked me to walk the guy out of the apartment ( I could because, he was staying an extra night, based on his travel schedule. I made arrangement with my other colleague as a means of helping a brother from home).
With my boyfriend on Skype video recording the events, I walked him out at 3,30am. I feel so disturbed that someone I tried to help with accomodation could do this. Also, my bestie thinks I should report to the research consortium. But I feel bad, especially as they have a mindset about Nigerians already, and am trying to build a network between the institution and partners in Nigeria. I am so torn between reporting him and also protecting emerging opportunities for other Nigerians.
Besides, he is young guy, barely in his 30s, newly married and new to the country. By reporting him, things might go quite south for him. My boyfriend thinks am crazy to be this considerate and he has said it is my 'over-niceness' that puts me in trouble. Do you think I should report him to the consortium and then the authorities. Moreover, he was just a guest, doesnt work with the consortium or live in the city.
I am finding it so hard to work right now and the next few days are filled with deadlines. Myne, I need help, need to forget this incidence and focus on the work before me. My boyfriend thinks I should forget it especially as I woke up before he could achieve his aim. What do you think?
Please report him. Think of other people u might save from this rapist. I think u r being this considerate because he did not rape u. What if he had? The guy is a rapist, plain and simple and u r not his first victim. Believe that.
ReplyDeleteBut he didn't rape u, why not simply forget it all like your BF said?
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean by that? Please she should report him!
DeleteHave you been raped or almost raped? One is just as bad as the other. Sentiments and shame continue to keep rapists on the prowl. Please report him. You'll be saving others. Consider that.
DeletePlease report him. Dats a serial rapist right there. He's probably done it before. This is where he starts to pay. Look at it as you avenging every woman that's been raped.
DeleteReport him and continue reporting until something is done. Look at it this way, "will u b debating this issue if he had succeeded?" Save another woman today!!!
DeleteYeah she should forget about it until it is the turn of you or your sister.
DeleteThere shouldn't even be a second thought about it. That's a sign that he does it to others too and he must be stopped now.
ReplyDeleteThis kind of feeling is what is killing nigeria. Pls report him. Rubbish
ReplyDeleteHe is aaway from his wife.
ReplyDeleteNo excuse 4 him.
But has he apologised?
Think well b4 u act
Report him!!!! He would probably rape someone else and ure in a position to do something about it!
ReplyDeleteIf you have evidence, just report him to the police. Let him sweat it out. Later you can drop the charges.
ReplyDeleteSad thing is some fools will say you were at fault. Be prepared for that.
Call me crazy but if he was really going to rape her... her waking up shouldn't have stopped him. The story seems a bit incomplete if you ask me. If he was attempting to rape her then her job should at least be reported. What if they send you on another conference and it's just you two? You'll feel extremely uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteThere is no doubt in my mind the right action for you to take. REPORT HIM
ReplyDeleteWho knows if since after almost raping he has not tried and succeeded with another woman?
You have an obligation to yourself, his past victims and possible future victims to report him . GT
Thank you all for your comments and advice, on the fact of the story being incomplete, there is nothing to say. Except there is another explanation for a guest to creep into his host bed naked. I dont know what he was thinking as we are not in Nigeria, if I had shouted for help, the police would have been called in no time as we are in Europe. As for not reporting him immediately, i was shocked, scared; I have never experienced this before. I have decided to forward a statement to the consortium and let them take it to the police. Honestly, I feel sad because he is Nigerian, but his guts shows he must have tried this before and succeeded. Thanks all for your advice.
ReplyDeleteApologies for the typos in my post, i guess am still not so comfortable speaking of it.
ReplyDeleteHe certainly did not intend to rape you. He simply thought he could seduce you....He did not try to force you?
ReplyDeleteSo, how do you prove intent to rape? My sister are u sure u were not the one who lured him on and indirecly tried to rape him by making him attempting to rape you? Did he lay his hands on you? Why was your room door not locked? How can u sleep with a male stranger in a house with your door unlocked? What was he even doing in your room naked? This guy must be a creep or maybe he misread you thinking you are a 'runs' lady? Are you sure he wasn't sleep walking bare butt naked? I guess not and Maybe he thought you might be a willing partner since you left your room door unlocked? So many questions going through my mind. When it comes to sex, a lot of men lacked control. Their id is supercharged. They have what is called super ego lacunae.
ReplyDeleteMy dear sister, next time you are in a house with male strangers, please LOCKED your door fully before you sleep and if you are one of those who dislike locking doors then sleep with one eye closed as u never know what might happen to you while u are in dream land.
Olu.
I had a close to similar situation once in UK, My house mate had a Nigerian male guest and without my knowledge I found out that both of us were in the house alone because my house mate went to over night work. What I did was to lock my door and remained in my room. The guy tried to be friendly and knocked on my door twice, first was to ask for where my housemate things were (strange question), I replied through the door, second was for me to come and watch TV with him which I politely declined and he never disturbed me again.
DeleteThere are two sides to every story, my dear you would have been careful to say the least. I am not encouraging rapists but he may have picked the wrong signals from you. If he was a serial rapist, he would have achieved his mission with you shouting or quiet
I hope this helps, no one but both of you know what actually transpired. Good luck with your decision
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From what I read, I'm tilting more towards the thought that he wanted to seduce you - not rape you. I doubt that a rapist would have backed off so easily. He probably imagined that you had a 'thing' for him, so his fantasy cooked up this 'sneak up' approach. Stupid guy - yes, but maybe you should just put it out of your mind and learn to firmly lock your door when away from home.
ReplyDeleteyou are right bro. i think that was the situation, but he was so stupid
Delete