A crime news report from the Punch newspaper has got me almost weeping this early morning. Sex predators abound, but it is so heart breaking when they target children, it becomes monstrous when such a predator uses the cover of his home to molest his daughters and grand daughter. In a country like Nigeria where such cases are part of what "we do not talk about," effectively shutting up the victims from reporting the crime, or getting help through counselling and therapy, it is especially heinous!
But beyond lamenting such cases as we often read about in the papers and blogs, I want to point out the role the adult woman in such a situation has to play. In this story, I was baffled by the statement from the wife of the accused pedophile. Let us forget for a moment that the extended family is also complicit in this dastardly act, do you think the wife did all she could? Her story...
“I am a caterer. In 2006 I went to Abuja for a catering job where I spent five days. But at about 1am, my first daughter, who was about 17-years-old at the time, called me on the phone crying that her father raped her that night.
“When I returned, I confronted him but he beat me up and he continued to molest our daughter and each time I confronted him, it earned me a beating. I had no choice but to leave him when I got fed up with seeing him molesting our daughter and later sleeping with me. I took my six children and we relocated.”
She said in 2011, Sylvester’s family settled their differences and urged the couple to reconcile for the sake of the children. She said her husband swore never to touch any of his daughters again and she reluctantly returned to her husband’s house.
Margaret said she was however disappointed to find out that less than a year after moving in with her husband, he went back to his old ways.
She said, “We reconciled in May 2011 and I really thought he had changed but in August last year, I caught him in a compromising situation with our seven-year-old daughter. I called her out and she told me how her father had constantly been abusing her.
“Again, I confronted him and he beat me up. I had to pick my daughter and ran to his brother’s house, where I stayed for three days before I went back home.”
Mrs. Ehijele said she continued to cope with her husband’s ways until he finally raped their 15-month-old granddaughter.
She said, “Because my oldest daughter works, we decided to put her daughter baby at a day care in Ejigbo. I have always been the only one that brings her back at 6pm everyday from the day care. But on that particular day, my husband went to the day care and after an altercation with the teacher, he took the baby home.
“He took the baby home and hours later the baby was crying profusely. When I got home, the baby was still crying and I wondered what was wrong. When I finally took off her diapers so I could bathe her, I noticed she was bleeding in her private part. When I raised the alarm, my husband was unnerved. That was when I suspected him.
“I rushed down to the Ejigbo Police Station and reported the matter.”
Margaret said she had been married to the suspect for over 23 years and lamented that he had had carnal knowledge of all their daughters.
“I have two daughters, four sons and a granddaughter. Sadly, my husband has raped all of the females,” she said.
The Police Public Relations Officer, Ngozi Braide, said the suspect would soon be charged to court on charges of defilement.
What are they waiting for?
I salute the woman for finally reporting this monster to the police. But I think she didn't have to wait this long, and till the predator had molested two more children in addition to his first offence. While she sounds like a victim of physical and probably emotional abuse herself, I think once she made that first step to leave the home, she should never have allowed herself to be persuaded to return.
The man probably took that as acceptance of his crime, and this time, he did not wait for his daughter and granddaughter to become teenagers like his older daughter before he took advantage of them.
At this point, I suggest the relevant law against "defilement" be expanded to include charges for adults who cover and protect the perpetrator, or those who see abuse and turn a blind eye. In this case, the woman and her family will be culpable too.
This is too sad. What is the world turning into? is the woman sane? How can her husband have molested her daughter repeatedly and she never reported the incident? Has she forgotten it's TABOO? Lord have mercy. The man should be killed. And a fifteen month old baby too? This world is turning into something else!
ReplyDeleteThere is always three sides to every issues, the opressor, the victim and the bystander. Usually it is the complicity of the bystander that is worse. For the life of me, I cannot understand how a mother watched as her husband molests all her daughters, yet she still lives and sleeps with the same man?! I will shoot the woman first before the man! How mean can she get? If the man is a socio-path, what is his wife? And the innocent children whose lives have been marred forever? Who will marry these girls knowing their history, what about their emotional and psychological health? I am so shocked, irritated and totally angered by this news! I wish I could strangle the man and the woman too! What wickedness!
ReplyDeleteThe woman should be jailed along with the man, IMO. She is little more than his accomplice as she stood by and did nothing when her daughters were raped time and time again. Maybe when adult 'witnesses' are jailed along with the paedophile, people would be forced to protect children more.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you on this.
DeleteThis woman is crazy and she should be arrested as well I could not even finish reading the story. You watch a man molest your daughters and granddaughter and do nothing all these years? Haba
ReplyDeleteGranted that the man is demon possessed or something worse, but is this woman even a mother?, how could she stand by and let the man ruin her daughters, she confronted him and he beat her???,ehen.... i would die a thousand deaths before i allow anyone do that to my child, worse part is that she was still sleeping with the man (shudder)... i agree she should be jailed as well, infact she is the one who deserves worse judgment for not taking those girls and fleeing permanently...( so very upsetting honestly)
ReplyDeleteI blame the Nigerian culture which seems to value marriage above everything else, if not she would not have gone back to that monster. Why else would family members reconcile them which made her go back the first time. IMO, they are all sick.
ReplyDeleteThis is so sick!how can i watched my husband raped his daughters and i will be quiet GOD forbid i think the the woman,her husband and his family are all insane.how can she moved back to that house after what he has done to you and your daughters.am just trying to imagin the scenerio does he use charms on his daughters or he normally force them cause to me a normal father can not do such,i will have killed him if he was my father for raping me.
ReplyDeleteThe one that bought tears to my eyes is the 15month old grandaughter if i was the baby's father i will get castrate him not minding if he is my father-in law.this is so crazy and i dont pray we experience such in our homes but if it happen to me is only by GOD grace he will not die by the time i start him and i will take my daughters away from him forever causes we aredisowing him straight.(am still in shock)
i dont pray it happen to me but i wil be ready to kill the man and i will take my children away from him forever
How can she open her mouth to say that she went back to him for the sake of the children when she initially LEFT for the same sake of those children. She is just as bad as he is. What's the difference between someone who commits the act and the person who watches and does nothing to stop it as he goes on? What because he's the rapist and she's not? Nonsense. The person who said that it also has to do with the Nigerian culture is also correct because Nigerians tend to foolishly put marriage above anything else, which arguably has led to the increase of young girls going after married men for marriage. I digress, but seriously I agree with you Myne, the law concerning this issue does need to be expanded to punish those who are responsible for the children put in such situations. Otherwise, people will continue to claim that "it was the hand-work of the devil", a phrase so many criminals use. I can just imagine the little girl must have begged her mother not to take her back to him with her, but she refused because in her mind, she needs to be a married woman in her husbands house.
ReplyDeleteThat thing is not a human being. He is an ANIMAL. Animals that become a danger to society are normally 'put down' or at least kept away from the rest of society until they are sorted out and that's what needs to be done with him. Make an example of him to deter others from doing the same.
I support the call that she should be charged as well! What utter garbage!
ReplyDeletethis is insane....completely..how do u live with urself?
ReplyDeletewww.justjobsng.com
That man must be possessed. What nonsense! As for the family that knew all about this yet sent the woman back,no comments for them.
ReplyDeleteThe so called Nigerian culture way of handling certain family issues is just annoying. People just feel by not facing and addressing the truth/facts,their issues will just fade away.
I wanted to put up this story on my blog but I was deeply hurt emotionally and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I am glad you did and I can say on or two things about it. I blame the woman for living with the devil....she is a shame to womanhood. The man who shamelessly has raped his daughters and grand child should be castrated and left to die. The society is getting complex and I wonder what my daughter's future would be. I am struggling to do my part as a mother, I do hope and pray that women would wake up to realities, hug their families and invest in their children. A wife whose husband commits adultery should leave not to talk of a wife whose husband sleeps with their daughters......A huge shame!
ReplyDeletePeople should stop blaming this woman. This woman is a victim of circumstance. In fact she is more of a victim because she is a wife as well as a mother here. The same reason why most abused women refuses to leave an abusive husband is the same reason that made this mother not to have taken action against her husband.
ReplyDeleteSomething is missing in this story.. The fifteen months old baby is actually the fathers daugther!!! The poor girl bore the child for her father.
ReplyDeleteAll the adults that are accomplices should serve 6 months, the woman should do community service since she finally reported her foul husband.
ReplyDeleteIf people advice you to jump into fire, will you jump?
Haba.
Its like a dog that bit me and then people will be advising me that the dog is my responsibility. Grow a backbone and do the right thing instead of following the crowd.
Anyways kudos to her for finally reporting the stupid, sick man, instead of them to put him in prison where he can see people that are just as sick as him. I hope there's some...okay no. I hope they are people willing to teach him a lesson in the prison, he obviously preys on the weak.
Now begins the long process of restoration for his daughters and grand daughters. I pray they meet true Christians who would build them up into all that they can be and that their hearts will be healed soon in Jesus name, amen
Sickening story! I read this sometime back, and found it totally repulsive and sickening! Sadly enough, there are many women like her, who turn the other way, while their children are being abused sexually for fear of not rocking the boat. These women are actually sick, and need help and rehabilitation. Have you ever seen a mother hen whose chicks are under threat of attack? She flies at the intruder and tries to claw out his/her eyes or something. Where that maternal instinct is stifled, something is wrong- terribly wrong! Probably she has been a victim of abuse as well where none defended her innocence. It is sad! Really sad, but then, we live in a sick world! That mother, and the extended family need help!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is abormination. Even the family couldn' stop him from that satanic act?.let me ask,does it mean he never go to church or listen to radio/tv sermon? I wish him dead in prison
ReplyDeleteHmmm, are we sure he is not into any cult that made him to be doing this to keep getting something from from them? Like what we watch in home videos, just asking cos I don't know what to think.
ReplyDelete