Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Long Courtship is Bad Business For a Woman
I laughed so hard when I read an article by Funke Egbemode on length of courtships. I have had cause to disagree with some of her previous articles on relationships before, but here, I completely agree with her. She is of the opinion that a woman - I guess she's referring to ladies mature enough, ready and able to get married - should not waste any time in cutting a man loose if he is bent on stringing her along. She says;
"... It’s either a relationship is serious or it is not. You are either heading for the altar or the rocks. If you are dating a man and in all of the 52 weeks that make a year, you don’t smell seriousness, you’ve been had. Cut your losses and take a walk. The earlier the better. Hanging on to nothing is foolhardy and you know what is most saddening; most women in relationships that are going nowhere are actually aware of the fact. They are just too afraid to cut loose; you know all that nonsense about ‘where do I start from’ bla bla bla. If you don’t end a bad affair while time is still on your side, you are liable to end up a lonely touchy old maid.
"A long courtship going nowhere strips a woman of her dignity and self-esteem. Because she is hoping that tomorrow will persuade him to make an honest woman of her, she shoos off other eligible males. Because she thinks he’d propose at the next valentine dinner, she discourages the real Mr Right. She reads silly meanings into everything he says or does even when the bloke means nothing. For instance, she mistakes his presence at her mother’s 60th birthday for commitment of an acting son-in-law. Nonsense, it’s just another party for him."
"So what if he attended with his friends? Did he not attend parties the previous weekend? What are you doing in a three-year relationship that is about eateries, Chinese restaurants and you acting like a wife every weekend? You do his laundry, warm his bed and cook his meals every week, yet he won’t buy a ring. Naah, you are either a fool or a sucker for pain. He makes love to you without protection but starts fretting if you are three days late. You have overheard him tell his friends that he’s not in a hurry to settle down. What else do you need to convince you that marriage is not on the cards? Now, his bad manners shouldn’t make you lose faith in yourself. That he won’t propose does not mean you are not a wife material. He’s just not the groom meant for you."
What are your thoughts?
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You have said it all. May God open the eyes of ladies that are into longer courtship/relationship to see what is good for them because women have no time to waste.
ReplyDeletehmmmmmmmmm,its really sad to experience all this listed above,its only God that knows the answer to our questions when things are going wrong in the relationship.theres no perfect pattern to hook a man or make him propose, what works for you may likely not work for another person,its reality not what we see in movies,to get married now is like making heaven but in all its better we allow God to do his will because he knows what is good for us.
ReplyDeleteMy exact sentiment. If more ladies read and followed this advice, life would be much easier.
ReplyDeleteI do not think one size suit all but seriously, if one is in a 2 years rship with a 35 year old man, that has a steady source of income, no responsibilities and lives alone and he still hasnt popped the question then i guess he doesnt see you as his wife but girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteWell, you leave and start another relationship that progresses just like the one you left, you leave again and enter another one that moves the same way... Did I hear you say vicious cycle?
ReplyDeleteYou have said it all indeed,pls ladies follow dis advice dnt warm a mans bed until ur married
ReplyDeleteYou av really said it all. This is very true
ReplyDeleteThis write up said it all but no woman bargains for a long R/ship. So all ̶̴̳̐̿̾̈́͠Ɛ̤̥̝̈̊̊ need do is pray dat God should give us d grace to recognise these signs and walk away even when its seems difficult to do so.
ReplyDeleteI think the begining sets the tone for the end and there is no specific duration for courtship. It may come short and last long but taking off well helps you land well and not inside a well. If you start a relationship blindly you end up blinded. Ladies give men false hopes too, so it is not a one way thing. Lay your cards flat before you lay in his bed...or in her arms
ReplyDeleteI was courted/dated by my hubby for five and a half years , but I have to say that from the very first year, we knew where we were headed. I was in school and so we had to wait for school, service year and also some form of comfort . I don't know if anything is cast in stone about the length for courtship but I think the golden rule is if he's not showing any form of seriousness , then you have your answer staring you in the face.
ReplyDelete... Word!!! "Cut your losses and walk"... Summon that courage and leave... I wish I did that, than languish in a two- year relationship that still ended without a ring.
ReplyDeleteAnd he married within a year after ...while I'm still single..Life..I'm wiser now just very hurt and shocked as I never thought I would be "one of those girls". wow
bam! ! ! If ur relationship is like a roadtrip with no directions or map, 'let us just go' u r bond to lose time, money, energy and get lost. Get a map now! ! !
ReplyDeleteLove! Love!! Love!!!
Deleterubbish...
ReplyDeleteIt's completely true. Take for example Lamar Odom, he was with his the mother of his children for 10 years, they have two children together, it would be three if one hadn't died and he broke it off with her and got married to Khloe who he had only known for 6 months I believe.
ReplyDeleteMen do that all the time, string a woman along usually during the best years of her life and when he has had enough he moves on and marries someone brand new; oftentimes a woman he hasn't known for too long.
The dating game is completely different for men than women. After the age of 35 a women just will not attract men like she used to, so it is imperative that if she is marriage-minded she does not waste time with men who do not have a similar mindset. Too many women are doing for men the things that only a wife should be doing. If you have moved in with him, cooking and cleaning for him, and sexing him in every which way, why on earth would he be motivated to marry you?
It's actually true, no relationship should take a man years before popping the question. But then again....he pops the question,gets your hopes high and dumps you later. In which case you move on,not bitter....but wiser with more caution ahead. Don't regret,think of it as a slap in the face...a wake up call.
ReplyDeleteSame old story. What works for you might not work for another. It is not how far (fast & quick) but how well. Don't rush in to rush out (Naija hollywood marriages)
ReplyDeleteIs the author of this article married?!
ReplyDeleteI sure hope she is otherwise she's gonna be a serial data with more guys on her resume that the number of weeks in a year.
Women need to go back to the basics.. if you get the basics right, then you can set your bar-high... else... its gonna be the same vicous cycle till your teeth start falling off.
Go back to the basics of what it takes to be a true woman
Nice job Myne
ReplyDeleteTrue Talk Dear friend.......u've said it all.........love this
ReplyDelete