Unyime Ivy King - Communication is The Livewire of A Relationship

After featuring celebrities for the last few posts, the up close and personal Marriage Avowals from the people around the block are back.

Unyime Ivy King is a wife, mother, and writer. She likes to do everything especially her marriage and writing with passion or not at all. She currently works with Protection Plus Services Limited, a security services company in Lagos, but her passion for writing has taken her through media houses like: Vanguard Media, Daily Times, TW Magazine, and Security & Safety Magazine. She is the author of Burning Hurt, a novel about overcoming pain caused by relationships and blogs at Unyime's Musings. Enjoy her marriage avowals...

1.How did you meet your husband?
I met my husband 16 years ago in Akwa Ibom. I had just finished a training for intending volunteer workers in church and was confused about what unit to join, when this young man approached me and requested that I join his unit, which was the security/protocol unit so that I could work closely with the pastor's wife, whom I have always admired from a distance. I did not hesitate. I joined the unit and over time, we became close.

2. How long have you been married?
We have been married for over 10 years. By September 13th this year, our marriage will be 11years old.


3. How did your husband propose?
I had gone to visit him where he was living at that time with some friends, and we were 'gisting' although I cannot remember now, what the discussion was about, when unexpectedly, from the blues, he popped the question. He was quite nervous, hahahahaha. My response was affirmative, because we shared a very great friendship, and the rest, as they say, is history.

4. What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
After being married for this long, I have realized that what works in one marriage or relationship, may not necessarily work in the other. Personally, I believe that communication is the live wire of every relationship. Once a couple are patient enough to really sit down and iron out issues, and focus on what is right, not who is right, it goes a long way to smoothing the rough edges of the relationship. Without good communication, a couple tend to work on assumptions, and this could be a relationship killer.

5. What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?

My most favorite part about being married to my husband, is his ability to sacrifice his own comfort to make me happy; he does not throw it in my face that he is the head of the family, and listens to my own point of view too. When we have disagreements, they do not degenerate to name calling or shouting matches. Instead, after we are done getting upset, we sit down and talk things over. One of the things I really enjoy about being married to my husband, is the great communication we have going on. We can talk about everything and anything. The fact that we share a common faith such that when faced with challenges, we both go on our knees together, is a big plus.

6. What is the hardest part about being married?
The hardest part about being married, for me, is that you are not just thinking about yourself alone, but have to consider your spouse. Unlike being single, when you can just up and leave for any part of the world that catches your fancy, you cannot do that as a married person. Decisions are not made in isolation; husband and wife have to sit down together and agree over a matter, before a decision is arrived at. So, in some ways, marriage slows you down.

7. Do you have children? How has this affected your marriage and how do you cope?
Yes, I have four children, whose ages range from 9, 7, 4, to 2years. Having children has been both positive and challenging as well. Positive in the sense that, the children are our passports into tomorrow, and affords us the opportunity to pour ourselves and our values/principles into these young lives, and nurture them for the future. It's also exciting to see mini mes in the house. Lol

Challenging in the sense that, to a large extent, we cannot have the kind of privacy we used to have when the children had not come. To have privacy as a couple, it has to be planned. One of the factors that have helped me to cope, is good domestic support. I do not ever try to be a 'super mum.' I take help where I can get it, and I have domestic hands, who assist me in taking care of the children so that I am free to do other things; but I keep a close watch over what happens with the children. It also helps that my husband and I are self employed, so this helps me to closely monitor what goes on with the children.

8. What is your advice to those dating or young couples?
My sincere advice to young couples is this: realize that every relationship has times of testing and great challenges. You must make up your minds that you will not allow the challenges to break you, but make you. When you survive the storms, you will emerge stronger and better, as a couple. For those who are dating, I'd say this: You must understand that you are choosing a father or mother for your unborn children. So, you must decide, if you would want your unborn children to be fathered or mothered by that man or woman. Do not date someone who is a law unto himself or herself and is not teachable, because if you marry such a person, you will have mega problems in future. You should date someone who will be humble enough to admit it, when they err.