You know the scenario well: The check comes. No one moves. You look at each other. You smile. The check sits there. This, my friends, is what we call a little game of “pick-up check.”
The question is: Should a woman offer to split the bill on the first date?
Notice that the question isn’t: Should a man pay on a first date? The answer to this should be an unequivocal “yes.” While I’m a huge advocate for women e-mailing men on online dating sites, and I’ll even dare to say that a woman should suggest meeting for a drink if the guy is trying to have an e-lationship, I am a stickler for the old-fashioned tenet that the man should pay on the first date.
That said, should the woman at least offer to pay?
When the bill comes, the woman has a few choices:
1) The “reach” (going for her wallet to see what happens)
2) The offer (saying “May I contribute?” or something similar), or
3) The assumption (just saying “Thank you so much!”)
Given that the date should only consist of a drink or coffee (no dinner on a first online date) and should not be too expensive, I’d actually opt for #3. It avoids the awkwardness, and you get to show your gratitude immediately. #2 is a close second. Just hope he doesn’t take you up on it!
Men, generally when women offer to pay on the first date, we don’t want you to take us up on it. Even if we know there won’t be a second date and feel guilty for taking the free drink, deep down we still hope that you’ll pay because it’s still a date after all. The last thing you want is to accept our payment offer and then be labeled as “cheap.” Yes – she offered, but when it comes to paying on a first date, yes almost always means no.
Source: A Little Nudge
Why offer to do it if you don't want to be taken up on it?
ReplyDeleteThe only way i'm paying or going dutch for a legit date is if i'm the one that suggested the date, we're in a long-term relationship already or we're married (at that point, does it really matter? lol)
I totally agree
DeleteTheChronicled If a woman genuinely offers to split, its cool with me. But then I will take care of it unless I dont have money
ReplyDeleteGames, games, more games...
ReplyDeleteI live in the US, so different practices from when I was in Naija. I always reach for my wallet, if he stops me I offer to py the tip. Most guys decline, and I don't push it. Once a guy actually split the bill with me; I didn't date him again.
ReplyDeleteI'd actually reach for my wallet, but hope/expect that he'd tell me not to bother. It's just plain courtesy.
ReplyDeleteWhat LadyNgo said about the only way she'd pay or split the bill.
@ Anonymous 1 - If you don't have money, then you shouldn't be on a date.
If the lady is the one asking the guy out on the first date, then she can pay, otherwise the guy should pay. There should be no games there.
ReplyDelete