By Anonymous
My mum has repeatedly told me that I'm "too dark". One day I even told her that I plan on bleaching my skin (of course I had no plans to, I just wanted to see her reaction) and I wasn't surprised that she was OK with it. When family members that haven't seen me since I was a baby (I was much lighter as a child) ask about me, she'd tell them how I took after my dad's side of the family in terms of complexion.
Nobody asked her about it, so why offer an explanation for my skin tone? Everyone saw that my dad is kind of dark and so no one would be shocked about my complexion.
We also shouldn't let people get away with saying things like this ["Stay out of the sun; you don't want to get any darker", "You are pretty for a dark girl", "You can't wear dark colors because they will make you look darker", "You're just so dark", "Girl, you are so much darker than"]. Sometimes they don't realise the damage it does to our self-esteem and our perception of ourself.
I got so tired of hearing about how 'black' I am that one day I just snapped. I can't remember some of the things I shouted at her because I was so angry, but I remember telling her that God obviously thinks my skin is beautiful hence why he made me the way I am. If she has a problem with my complexion, she should take it up with God and stop harassing and bullying me about it.
I told her that she as a mother should be supportive and help increase my self-esteem instead of crushing it. I was so so angry that day and she just stayed quiet. After about 5mins of me shouting, she finally shouted back "SHUT UP!!". This was because I made reference to her "toning" face creams as she called them. All I know is the packet says it's a whitening cream and not toning, so she should leave me and my natural complexion alone. I wasn't having it. I continued. It was bottled up anger that was spilling out of me.
As usual we argue and we make up. We're 'friends' again, but now she minds the way she talks about my skin. I guess she was the one with self-esteem issues. If not, why use those creams and then bother me about not looking like her. What was she expecting when she had a child with someone that isn't light?
Before this incident, I'd asked her why she prefers light skin. She said "they" said that light skin of women look more attractive to men. I don't know who 'they' is, but I have seen many men say they prefer dark women, or that they don't mind her complexion.
Original comment on 6 Things Not to Say to Your Dark Skinned Daughter
Her mom apparently has self-esteem issues
ReplyDeleteWell done, girl! Parents are not always right. As much as we have to respect and honour them, there are times when a child has to stand up for her self and her belief.
ReplyDeleteMrs N.
More people need to be able to stand up to their mothers, parents and elders when they start talking things that make no sense. Sometimes it is unthinking respect that force us to make bad decisions.
ReplyDeleteHey writer, black girls ROCK! Because black is classy...you should know.
ReplyDeleteI hate women like these. They see the man and how he looks and sleep with him and when the child comes they are unhappy. If she was so concerned about skin tone she should have chosen some other race of man to mate with. An aunt of mine also was pushing her son to bleach, and like you he refused. To this day I think she is upset at having dark children.
ReplyDelete