Ugochi Jolomi's Marriage Avowals - Both Should Be Determined to Make it Work

Ugochi runs the inspirational website, Teshuva, where she writes about marriage and family life. She shares some stories from her past and life changing moments, and she challenges everyone to live a better life in God. In today's marriage avowals, Ugochi and her husband discuss how they met and their over 10 years of marriage.



How did you meet your husband?
I met my husband in church while I was in Bible school.

How long have you been married?
We have been married for 12 years now, September 2nd will make it 13 years.

How did your husband propose?
He called me out after my class had a meeting with our General Overseer and asked me to see him.
I was very apprehensive as I did not like seeing pastors, it used to really scare me. Any way I went and after he had quizzed me on my spirituality, he made a sudden drift to say that he liked me and would like to marry me if I agreed. He gave me two weeks to make up my mind and can you imagine? I fell for him. No wooing, no romance and I fell. I often wonder how such a romantic could fall for a so non-romantic proposal. It must be God, because I had a peace I had never had before. Three other ministers had proposed to me and it was all a no – no for me.

What do you think is the “key” to a successful relationship and marriage?
Hmn… There are so many keys, but I believe they are all wrapped up in one; love, the God kind of love. In love you find kindness, patience, respect, meekness and all those other qualities and ingredients to hold up a marriage and make it blissful.

As a Christian I believe that God is love and once a couple have the God kind of love in their hearts and homes then God is present in their marriage and anything God is allowed to be actively involved in cannot fail.

What is your favorite part about being married to your husband?
My favourite part is the knowing that he loves God and seeks to please Him all the time. This is evident in how he treats our marriage, our family and me. And this gives me the assurance that I can trust my heart to him.

What is the hardest part about being married?
The hardest part for me would be the responsibility saddled on me as a wife and a mother. The planning – especially the metal planning and running of the home. I always have to mentally run through tomorrow every night. And all of this is quite tasking.

Do you have children?
Yes I do, I have three boys – Joshua, Joseph and Josiah. They and their dad help me not to worry about getting fat, they keep me very active.

Children are one source of joy that I pray every person gets to experience. But it turns things around somewhat in the home.

How has this affected your marriage?
My husband and the children love to “have fun”, this fun leaves the house all messed up and this gets me cranky and not very nice. But I am getting used to joining in the fun or leaving the house messed so I can have be at peace and give them peace too.

Has there been a particular challenge you faced as a couple?
Several I must admit, but with God at the centre and with our willingness to make it work we have always overcome.
There is one that stands our amongst them. We were just about a year and half into the marriage and I was at home all day. I had dinner ready and was waiting for my husband to get home so we could eat together. While I was in the bathroom he came in and came to the bathroom to say hello and next thing I heard was the clangs of plates and cutlery. He was already eating! Right there in the bathroom I was so sure the marriage was over because I did not understand how he could be so insensitive, to eat without me when I had been waiting all evening for him. As I stepped into the room I took off my ring and slammed it on the table and went outside in that dead night to the welcoming arms of mosquitoes. He could not understand why I was so angry. He had come out severally to take me in but I was bent on staying out till morning. The Mosquitoes caused a change of mind and as I got in I finally told him why I was so angry. He patiently brought a whole different perspective to it, He reminded me that he had not had breakfast or lunch and was extremely hungry. Meanwhile I had been home, have had breakfast and lunch. By the time he was through I realised I was the insensitive one.

What do you do to keep the marriage relationship fresh and positive?
We get a lot of time together and we get to know what is going on with each other. We also try to do a lot of talking to and with each other and this help us a lot. We also keep reminding ourselves that we are both responsible for how our marriage is at every point in time and we bear our responsibilities to make it work.

What is your advice to those dating or young couples?
This may sound like a cliché but it is true that the foundation and pillar of marriage is GOD, He joined the first man and woman. Once the relationship is GOD centred and both spouses are determined to make it work then their chances of succeeding in marriage are at a very comfortable height.