This is a question I just discussed with some friends. When it comes to looking for a serious, long-term relationship, I don't believe sex should be on the table. I consider the two like old enemies, and ne'er the twain shall meet. However, it does need to be discussed, the question is when? How soon is too soon? And what shall be said?
I said in the discussion with my friends, both men and women by the way, that if a guy talks about sex on the first day, he's got three strikes, and he's out of my books. Some guys can cheat by sneaking in how they love to touch the hair of their girlfriend, or cuddle while watching a movie, they get my side eye, and they're still out. The guys in our group were laughing at me, but I'm serious.
The first date, and maybe the next two or three are meant for us to begin to build a friendship. I want you to talk about yourself, your job, your passions and hobbies so I can get a feel of your personality and what you’re looking for in a partner. And if I feel that sex before marriage is one of those things, then buh-bye...
The ones that turn me off the most are the men who are so raw. "Babe, I can't wait to lick you all over" Say what?! And that's me trying to be restrained for this blog, believe me I've heard worse.
What about the people you've not even met face to face? You give them your pin or twitter ID and next thing you have a naked weiner in your DM? I will so block such an a.... person.
So when is it too early to discuss sex in a budding relationship?
I had this issue with my fiance. We have been engaged for 5 months. The first months were us being friends, talking and generally having fun. When the relationship started growing, he starts talking stuffs like,..wish you were here now, cant wait to kiss you, make love to you etc. Funny thing is, we are yet to kiss. It does make me slightly uncomfortable discussing sex, but he says he feels I should freely discuss it with him. So, if on a first meeting he had said something about sex, I would not have given him a second glance. But even with being engaged to him, i think we should leave the discussion closer to the wedding date.
ReplyDeleteDear Myne,
ReplyDeleteInteresting topic you've got here. Just like you an early mention of sex to me is definitely a No NO. However its important the topic about sex is discussed somewhere along the line so you guys get to know each other's preferences. I'm currently dating this guy we have not had sex. I got to know during one of our discussions that he is not game for oral sex. This was a concern for me because with no oral sex, you ain't gotten me started. I told him, he has to work on it and he accepted to. imagine if we got married and this popped up? strains in the marriage obviously!!
na wa
DeleteWell, I don't fall in this category. Yes, sex before marriage is a no-no for me too, but I want to discuss it as soon as possible and get it out of the way.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteIt's up to the couple, some couple have had sex on their first date and are still happily married.
ReplyDeleteI think the answer is whenever you start deeply desiring the person sexually, that is when you should discuss it. Obviously you don't want your passion to run away with you without preparation, so whenever the object of your desire starts leaving you in cold sweats just by talking, thinking, or being with them, then you need to have the conversation.
Discuss sex? I just go with the flow.
ReplyDeleteI believe it can never be too early for the sex discussion. Talking about whether or not you're ready to have it is in fact part of the discussion! My fiance and I talked about sex very early in the relationship, and even though we were not having sex I liked the fact that he was open to talking about it, and we were on the same wavelength regarding many things. In a (healthy) long term relationship/ marriage sex is a huge part of compatibility, and should be addressed as early as possible.
ReplyDeleteSex IS the reason! What you are doing here is trying to control, and you have no intention of ever having a serious, equal-sided sexual discussion, or union. I've been married twice - my second wife passed on last year - for a total 42 years. Sex IS the relationship of committed love, so the sooner the better to openly and lovingly, and respectfully discuss all things sex.
ReplyDeleteNot having this clear mind and sharing in love for sex is why most marriages today end in disaster. Sex is, for the worst reasons, left on the back burner, as the stupid media does its best to nay say and destroy sex activity as a a criminal part of modern life, and those who drink in such drivel are mesmerized by perverse sex and altered news to aggrandize sex abuses everywhere.
So, go on and help destroy responsible family construction. Join the mayhem that pervades denial of sexual responsible marriage building. yeah, just go ahead, it's only YOUR world, and mine, that you destroy.
Ok ...I'm new to the dating world ... over 50 and confused .... I'm all for developing a passionate love affair ... but honestly is a man's intention only physical when he starts talking about what your sex life will be like , and almost leading to phone sex on the second phone call? I know this is a no brainer ... but in what direction .. today's dating world .. or yesterday's dating world ??
ReplyDelete