Communication, an open mind and open heart, and a willingness to forgive and work together for a strong, more lasting relationship are the most vital elements of happy, committed relationships. Above all, relationships are not easy, but they are absolutely worth the struggle and effort.
1. Communication: Not Just a High School Class Anymore
Most people know that communication is a vital part of a relationship, but both partners, in their own ways, have trouble actually opening their mouths and talking about their problems. Here are some common issues each gender has with the other.
About girls, for the guys: you may think we talk about anything and everything, so how possibly could we have trouble communicating. The truth is, we fear rejection and being alone more than the average guy does. The result is that most girls will talk about everything except what's bothering them most, out of fear of our significant other leaving us or being angry with us.
The cure: Reassure her that you love her, and will not leave her over a fight or relationship issue. At this point, your love should be strong enough to withstand most things, bickering and fighting included. Tell her that all long relationships have fights, and the most important thing is solving problems, so as not to build up resentment and damage the relationship.
Do not: Tell her she is being irrational for her fears of you leaving. While we know that you mean it in a reassuring sense, that you would never leave her over something so insignificant, she takes it to mean that you don't respect her opinions or emotions, and think she's a silly little girl. Her emotions, while probably irrational, are still true, and as such are valid. Treat her with the respect she deserves.
- Do romantic things together, without any distractions or worries.
- Do romantic things together, without any distractions or worries.
About guys, for the girls: Guys feel a constant pressure to perform and compete, and they constantly feel like their ladies are judging them. If they're with you, they think you're the most beautiful, most amazing thing under the sun, but they have trouble constantly reaffirming their affection. To them, what's true is true, and does not need to be constantly addressed.
The cure: Tell them what you want from them. Guys hate guessing games and are not very good at them. If you want something for Valentine's day, have a heart and at least give them some hints, like, "I want flowers, but I want you to pick out what you would most think I would like, and not roses like everyone gets." Praise them, and tell them how much you enjoy it whenever they do something unexpected for you, so they don't have to constantly wonder if you enjoyed what they did, and if they should do it again.
Do not: expect them to constantly be thinking about you, every second of the day. The fact that they love you, to them, is so obvious that it doesn't need constant reassessment. Also, girls communicate so much more non-verbally than guys do, but you've got to open your mouth and speak if you want to communicate with your boyfriend/husband. They hardly ever realize something is wrong unless you tell them.
Next time you have a fight or are even upset with your beloved, take a step back and see if some of the problem is caused by your two very different communication styles. If you can begin to see where your other half is coming from, that's half the problem resolved already!
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