First Impressions 2 - Short Fiction by Tola Odejayi

Over the next few months, Taribo and Julie continued to see each other. They had both agreed that it would be a good idea for them to start off as friends, and to see how things developed. And the more Taribo saw of Julie, the more he liked her. He sometimes met her at the hospitals that she visited in the line of her work, and he saw how the staff and patients responded with affection to her genuine interest in them. He noted how cheerful and optimistic she was, even on days when things hadn’t gone her way.

First Impressions 1 - Short Fiction by Tola Odejayi

Taribo repeatedly scanned the restaurant for Julie, hoping that she would be on time. There was nothing he hated more than people who had no concept of punctuality – that was why he had arrived a full fifteen minutes before the time that they had agreed on the phone. In between scans, he thought about the circumstances that had led to their date.

4 Things You Can Do When You Are In The Friend Zone by Atala

Recently, someone I know was wondering what was going on in the head of this girl he was interested in. They were friends, he said, but he wanted more than just friendship, and he had let her know this.

However, she was non-commital; not quite agreeing that they should take their friendship to the next level, yet not wanting to end the friendship.

An overwhelming number of responses to the thread started gave an instant diagnosis – she had locked him and sealed him tight into that cage from which there was no escape - the Friend Zone.

This meant that there was no point in trying to get her to see him as more than a friend, because that all he would ever be to her. And from the tone of those responses, the Friend Zone was absolutely not a place that anyone should be happy to be in.

The languages of love - what is yours?

I have come across this a few times, how do you want your partner to show love to you. There is even a book called the five languages of love. Read the scenario below and let's discuss...

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Chioma and Obinna have been going out for six months. For Chioma, it's been a wonderful experience. Obinna is honest, attentive, caring, supportive and generous - a refreshing change from the lowlifes that she has dated in the past. Add to that that he is well-built, intelligent and good-looking, and she can truly say that he is the perfect person for her, except for just one thing...

When Chioma started going out with Obinna, she noticed immediately that he was not very expressive, quite stoic in fact. She didn't mind this at the time, especially because some of the guys she had been out with in the past had been smooth talkers - and where did that get her when she found that they had been using their silver tongues to get other girls on the side? So she was glad Obinna was matter-of-fact, their relationship had started after months of platonic friendship while working together.

But now it was beginning to get on her nerves. Chioma loves hearing expressions of endearment as much as she loves saying them. Hearing those three magic words "I love you" from someone that she really cares for never fails to light up her day. Obinna had only said it once, a day she had kicked up a fuss after a major disagreement. She decided they had to talk again about this. She told Obinna that oh, she didn't want to nag, but he knew that saying he loved her really made her happy. Maybe he could say it more often, send her some love notes or poems, even be more receptive of her public displays of affection.

Obinna responded by saying that she knew the kind of person he was when they started dating. Honestly, he said, he had never been the demonstrative kind of person; he grew up in an environment where such displays of emotion were discouraged or not practiced. He was not used to it, it made him uncomfortable and he preferred their affairs being private. Besides, he continued, it wasn't as if he didn't show her how much he loved her in other ways, like spending quality time with her, doing things for her when she needed help or support and buying her gifts.

Chioma said that she truly appreciated these gestures, but she didn't really understand how difficult it could be just to open your mouth and express how you felt or even write it down. So she didn't really think she was asking for that much. Obinna countered by saying that it wasn't fair for her to prescribe to him how he should express his love to her. How would she feel if he told her that she must wash all his clothes, cook for him all the time and clean after him to show how much she loved him? But she wasn't insisting, Chioma retorted...

The discussion did not end conclusively, and for Chioma, the issue still lingers. Obinna knows this, and has asked whether he should record his voice saying "I love you" so that she can hear that as an alarm ring tone on her phone when she wakes up, but Chioma thinks that is a sign that he is treating the matter unseriously. She doesn't know whether she should look elsewhere as Obinna doesn't look like changing his stance, or whether she should just learn to live with it...

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Read More top posts;

How to have lasting online romance - http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2012/11/how-to-have-lasting-online-romance.html

Safety tips for online dating - http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2012/08/safety-tips-online-dating-social-networking.html

Arranged Marriage versus personal choice - http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2012/11/arranged-marriage-versus-personal-choice.html

Can Online dating become lasting love? - http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2010/07/can-online-love-become-lasting-love.html

How to Express love to your wife - http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2011/09/how-to-express-love-to-your-wife.html

9 Ways to know when you're in Love - http://www.romancemeetslife.com/2012/11/9-ways-to-know-when-youre-in-love.html

How to Find out Reason for relationship breakup - http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2013/03/wanting-to-know-reason-for-break-up.html

Steps to a successful relationship - http://www.romancemeetslife.com/2010/10/steps-to-successful-relationship.html

How to deal with unrequited love or the friend zone - http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2012/12/unrequited-love-lets-call-it-friend-zone.html

Atala Writes - Feeling Free to Make Mistakes or Fail in Relationships

There are many cases in personal relationships where one party feels restricted from saying or doing what they feel like, because they are afraid that the other party will react negatively, justifiably or otherwise. In the end, what happens is that instead of there being a frank and open discussion about what will work and what won't, there's a breakdown in communication which can poison the relationship.

Saying Thank You and The Power of Appreciation

One thing about appreciation and saying thank you is the ability for it to make a positive impact on relationships. If there's any danger in most relationships is how very quickly things can become routine, and "Oh wow, you really did this for me? I'm blown away!" becomes "OK, you did this. Neexxxtttt!"

Where are the Women in Engineering, IT and Tech?

By Atala,

More and more these days, the boundaries are being broken down with respect to what professions men and women want to do. Time was when there were very specific career options open to women, such as teaching and nursing; this is not really surprising, considering that it was only until the late nineteenth century that many universities began to start opening their doors to women. These days, things are much different, so that according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (http://www.bls.gov/cps/cpsaat11.pdf) over a third of doctors, about a third of lawyers and around three-fifths of accountants in America are women.

What's That Look On Your Face?

By Atala,

The human face is capable of an amazing variety of expressions; smiles of joy; frowns of anger; grimaces of disgust and raised eyebrows of surprise. And just as a picture is worth a thousand words, so it is that these expressions do a wonderful job of communicating how we feel, sometimes more than anything that we could ever say.

Olivia Pope's Scandal and Taking Your Own Advice

One program Myne and I enjoy watching is ABC's Scandal. Kerry Washington is Olivia Pope, the owner of a crisis management firm which is regularly called in by the high and mighty to help diffuse the eponymous scandals which would otherwise blow up in their faces.

A recurring theme in the series is Olivia Pope' love affair with the President of the USA. And before you start wondering, no, she is not the First Lady - and yes, there IS a First Lady. Not surprisingly, not being able to have the man she loves makes for a very miserable Ms. Pope.

In some recent episodes, Ms. Pope has taken to dishing out advice to some of her scandal-plagued clients. Nothing surprising about that, you might say - except that in some cases, the advice centres on the dangers of making wrong decisions or getting entangled with someone who is already taken. In other words, it is exactly the kind of advice that she needs to take herself.

Now before you start thinking "hypocrisy in a black dress", I should point out that Olivia Pope is very well aware of the fact that the advice she's giving could benefit her. In fact, she goes to such great lengths to spell it out to her clients that it's possible they know she's speaking from personal experience.

15 Things I Love About My Nigerian Wife

Myne told me she was writing a post about what some of the features she thought women wanted in their husbands, or at least, what they looked for. I was pleasantly surprised when I caught up with her blog and she had made the post more specifically about what she loved about me [15 Things I Love about my Nigerian Husband]. Of course, I was blushing with modesty, and then the self ego massaging quickly took over. But there is time for everything, and this is time for retaliation. Here are 15 things I love about Myne.

1. She’s intelligent. One of the things I liked about Myne from the get go when we were interacting online was how she would articulate her well-reasoned out views on topics. Even now, there are many times I’ll come up with a proposal on how we should do something, and she’ll point out aspects that I not thought about. Being exposed to her views on issues has really helped me grow as a person.

2. She’s considerate. She doesn't always want to have or get her own way, sometimes she's very willing and maybe even happy to compromise, and let me have my way. I still ride my bike to work, yay! Everybody is still shocked, but on a serious note, why should I stop what I love doing only because I'm married? I do try to be less of a daredevil coming downhill.

Love and the Confusion of Persistence by Atala

I recall a conversation I had with someone I know about how she met her husband. According to her, she was rather dismissive of him, and it didn't look like she would give him a second chance. But fortunately for him, he persisted - and she ended up seeing something in him which she obviously didn't see the first time. Whatever she saw, she must really have liked, because they're now married.

The conversation did make me wonder about the virtues of persistence. Should a man should be persistent or not in chasing a woman? It's fair to say that "faint heart never won fair lady", as the saying goes, and as the experience I relate above indicates?

 However, persistence can shade into harassment if the woman has made it clear in no uncertain terms that she is not interested in the man. So the rules seem to be simple - chase, but if she says no, back off. Right?

Soul Mates and Second Bests

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the concept of soul mates - two people who, across the vast expanses of space and time, meet, fall in love and spend the rest of their lives together. They are united in love especially because for each one, the other is the most special person in the universe.

It's a very captivating idea, especially because most people want to feel that they are the most important person to someone else. So it's no surprise that it's an idea that has sold a ton of songs, books and movies.

Now I think it would be great if the only couples who ever got together were soul mates. But in reality, not everyone gets to meet someone who thinks they are that most special person. Sometimes, they're in the wrong place, or they're searching at the wrong time. Sometimes, they're just too different from anyone else to find the person who will love them right back.

Love and First Impressions - Conclusion

Over the next few months, Taribo and Julie continued to see each other. They had both agreed that it would be a good idea for them to start off as friends, and to see how things developed. And the more Taribo saw of Julie, the more he liked her. He sometimes met her at the hospitals that she visited in the line of her work, and he saw how the staff and patients responded with affection to her genuine interest in them. He noted how cheerful and optimistic she was, even on days when things hadn’t gone her way.

Love and First Impressions - Short Story

Taribo repeatedly scanned the restaurant for Julie, hoping that she would be on time. There was nothing he hated more than people who had no concept of punctuality – that was why he had arrived a full fifteen minutes before the time that they had agreed on the phone. In between scans, he thought about the circumstances that had led to their date.

Some things are too Serious to be Forgiven

I was discussing the Evelyn Lozada and Ochocinco divorce [resulting from infidelity and domestic violence] as well this recent Rihanna revelations about her love for Chris Brown with Atala and he decided to write down his thoughts and share with us. Read and chip into the discussion...

When Does a Relationship Actually Begin?

So we’re all familiar with the idea of the wedding. You know, the grand ceremony where a couple avow their intention to remain married to each other for better for worse, for richer for poorer, for fairer or uglier, and so on, before friends, family and the whole world. It’s such a public declaration that there can be no doubt in anyone’s mind as to when exactly the marriage started.

Teamwork in Relationships - Lessons from The Amazing Race TV Show

One of the unscripted TV shows that I really enjoy with Myne is the Amazing Race. For those who many not know about the series, it involves couples – who may be siblings, spouses, friends or workmates – taking part in a competition where they perform various tasks in various cities around the world.

Amani and Marcus Pollard (2011)

Why do I like The Amazing Race so much? Well, I like the competition angle, wondering who will finish their stage of the race first. I also find it amusing to see how the couples perform some of the wackier tasks. And then, I like seeing the relationship dynamic between each of the couples, and how they work together to accomplish the tasks that they are given.

This will be the third season we've seen. As we watched this past one, I started to realize that watching it was like a couples’ therapy session for us. The different characters on the Amazing Race TV show – as individuals, as a couple, and partners in a team – provide good material for Myne and I to discuss about attitudes to life, love, and working together.

Seeing the couples certainly showed me that no relationship is the same, or perfect. They all have unique and flawed relationships especially when they're very different in temperament. You have one person being very laid back, and treating the whole affair like a pleasure jaunt, while  the other is highly competitive and engages in lots of strategic planning. When two people like this are on the show, expect to see some fireworks as they drive each other up the wall. There are some couples that act so antagonistically towards each other that you’re left wondering if they're really couples and how on earth they agreed to go on the programme in the first place.

The Purist and the Pragmatist - Atala Writes

I am the Purist. I am the Pragmatist.

I am the Purist. I believe in the ideal. I believe in absolutes. I believe in rigour. I believe in order. I believe in discipline. I believe in principle.

I am the Pragmatist. I believe in the real. I believe in relatives. I believe in flexibility. I believe in spontaneity. I believe in passion. I believe in tolerance.

I am the Purist. I believe in black and white; good and evil; darkness and light. He who is not for me is against me, and he who is not against me is for me. In the fight for good, there can be no middle ground - that is for wafflers, equivocators and flip-floppers.

I am the Pragmatist. I believe in a continuum of shades of grey; what appears dark to one may appear light to another. My friend's enemy may be my enemy today for this cause, and my friend tomorrow for another cause. Life is too complex to be reduced to dichotomies.

Communication is not Mind Reading - Atala Writes

I believe that the secret to a great relationship is good communication. Usually, the way to do this is through simply talking. This works pretty well in the majority of cases. The trouble is, sometimes you – or your partner – might not be much of a talker, like Myne. Aren't you surprised?

Back to the subject. There might also be a difference in what you say to your partner and what you mean by what you say. Even more confusing is where you do say what you mean, but your partner interprets what you say completely differently.

Force Vs Persuasion, What Motivates Us? Atala Writes

In understanding how human beings work, one of the things I have pondered is what motivates people. I'm sure there are all sorts of factors involved, but it seems most of the motivators fall into two categories - those which hold out the promise of something good happening as a result, and those which hold out the threat of something bad happening. I'm talking here about force and persuasion.

For a lot of people, force is the more appealing of the two. It's certainly a lot easier and quicker to use than persuasion - when persuading someone, not only do you have to rack your brains to figure out what he might like and ensure that you are able to offer it to him, you also have to figure out how to present your proposal in such a way that he will accept it. Of course, there's no guarantee that he will accept it on its first presentation - he might need some time to first become comfortable with the idea.