Debate Tuesday - Another wife for my husband?

Or is polygamy totally bad? I don't think so. I believe that if the people involved are genuine and agree, it could actually work. And yeah, I'm not against another wife for Atala. Actually, there are so many reasons for polygamy, especially in the Nigerian society, including looking for a male child, or any child, having more hands to help (eg, when the first wife is a career woman, the second can be SAHM) and of course the fact that, a woman is not regarded as responsible unless she is married.

So how did this issue arise? I was on the radio with Mandy Ojugbana of Smooth 98.1 FM in Lagos Nigeria a couple of times. The first was talking about AHTM, Naija Stories and my upcoming book tour in Nigeria. The second was a recap of my trip and also a book review of Lola Shoneyin's book, The Secret Lives of Baba Segi's wives. While we discussed the polygamous home of Baba Segi, I mentioned to Mandy that I actually supported polygamy which made her speechless but later she asked if I would welcome a new wife for my husband. I answered in the affirmative and when my FB friends heard it, they raised the roof!

BTW, Baba Segi's wives is a fantastic book. This is the book's description from Amazon...

When Baba Segi awoke with a bellyache for the sixth day in a row, he knew it was time to do something drastic about his fourth wife's childlessness.

Meet Baba Segi . . .

A plump, vain, and prosperous middle-aged man of robust appetites, Baba Segi is the patriarch of a large household that includes a quartet of wives and seven children. But his desire to possess more just might be his undoing.

And his wives . . .

Iya Segi—the bride of Baba Segi's youth, a powerful, vindictive woman who will stop at nothing to protect her favored position as ruler of her husband's home.

Iya Tope—Baba Segi's second wife, a shy, timid woman whose decency and lust for life are overshadowed by fear.

Iya Femi—the third wife, a scheming woman with crimson lips and expensive tastes who is determined to attain all that she desires, no matter what the cost.

Bolanle—Babi Segi's fourth and youngest wife, an educated woman wise to life's misfortunes who inspires jealousy in her fellow wives . . . and who harbors a secret that will expose shocking truths about them all.

Weekend Pictures - Celebrity Spotting

Hello everyone, hope your days have been going well? may this new week usher in lots and favor, blessings and success for us all. I'm catching up small, small, but have so many reports to write and all. This is the easy one, as they say, a picture is like a thousand words. I had the opportunity in Nigeria to meet so many people I admire, especially the acclaimed authors I met at the Garden City Literary Festival (GCLF) and a chance encounter with Uche Jombo at the Silverbird Galleria. I was on a visit to check on my book at the Lifestyle store and was taking a drink at Barcelos when she walked in, couldn't miss it can I?

Yeah yeah yeah, some people have yabbed me for my love of celebrities, lol...

Enjoy...

With the great man himself, Wole Soyinka, Nobel Laureate and author of several books - novels, plays, essays and autobiographies.

Helon Habila, I read his book Measuring Time last year and was impressed. Not my best book but a worthy commentary on the state of the nation. Others think so too...Samuel Kolawole, author of The Book of M, middle...

From L -R (Karen King-Aribisala is of the Dept. of English, University of Lagos, Nigeria. The author of Our Wife and Other Stories and Kicking Tongues, she won the Best First Book Award of the Commonwealth Writers' Prize in 1991, Abdul, a contributor on Naijastories.com and participant at the festival, MOI!, Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani, author of I Do Not Come to You by Chance, her first book, and winner of Commonwealth Writers Prize, Publisher of Wole Soyinka's books - BookKfraft, Kaine Agary is the author of Yellow Yellow, and winner of the NLNG Literature prize for best Fiction )

Author in white cap is Chukwuemeka Ike, with several books under his belt including, Sunset at Dawn, Potter's Wheel and Bottled Leopard. The last is one book I'll never forget.

With Lindsay Barret, Photojournalist/author and Bibi Bakare-Yusuf, Publisher of Cassava Republic Press, one of the progressive houses in the Nigerian book industry.

Sefi Attah, After I got back to reading Nigerian authors in 2004, her book Everything Good Will Come, was one of the first I read and it was great having this chance to tell her how much I enjoyed it. Unknown to me she had been talking about me on her FB fan page and asked for a copy of AHTM

Right, Zainab Jallo, playwright, "Onions make us Cry" which was shortlisted for the NLNG Lit Prize for Drama

Stylish and Versatile bloggers - Count me in

I received these awards, for being a versatile and stylish Blogger, from two people - Mena Ukodoisready and Dee! - realbonnywoman. There is nothing as cheering as coming back after being away for almost two months and finding that people still remember who you are. Thanks so much for such a warm welcome and this has given me the additional push to come visit you all ASAP.

Yes o, I'm back in the US of A, to the cold and wet of Seattle, lol. Thank God for the warm cocoon of my home and friends, both on blogville and off.

So back to the awards, the rules are as follows:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.
2. Tell us 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and let them know that they have won.

Once again, thank you Mena and Dee!

Seven things about me...

- I can be shy about talking or writing about myself, but when it comes to issues, topics, etc, I don't mind taking center stage.

- I love daydreaming, yeah and that's why I love writing or reading others creativity.

- Richard Branson has nothing on me when it comes to travelling or seeking adventure, I only wish I had as much money as he did, hehehe...

- I have a sweet tooth and if i gave in to it, I'll probably add 10pounds in a week.

- I'm a smallie and have gotten used to it but when I see people above 6"5, I often imagine that there's a way to get some of that.

- I've not really experienced Nigeria like I did at my last trip and I found out something too, I remain a real shon of the shoil, no shaking.

- Final confession, I don't think I deserve the award for stylish blogger o, my sense of fashion and style is abysmal. As some of you know, I was asking for a stylist the other time. Well, we go dey patch dey go...

Sex Toys for Women?

A new, supposedly the first, online shop for sexual toys just berthed for Nigerian women living in the country. What are your thoughts on the issue?

The First female online intimate shop catering for Nigerian women has arrived. We are so excited for this opportunity to serve our community.

Our aim is to offer the best selection of sexual health products and erotica sourced from around the world that enhance the sexual expression and sexuality of women in intimate relationships.

We treat all women's sexuality as equal: regardless of your sexual preference , whether in your 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's or 80's, a mother, disabled, a survivor of cancer, like to swing from chandeliers or prefer the missionary position you will always be welcome at www.myintimatepleasureshop.com.

Service is our top priority. We want women to feel good about their sexuality and the Intimate Pleasure team are highly trained to be knowledgeable in, and to offer advice about all things relating to sex, pleasurable toys and erotica.

We believe that buying pleasurable toys, whether a vibrator, dildo or an anal toy, should be an uplifting feel-good experience and that's why we promise the advice and service we give will always be personal to you.

Weekend Pictures - Out and About Asaba

I have left Asaba and don't know when I will be back. But the memories continue...

The state secretariat annex

New CBN office on Marryam Babangida Way

State house of Assembly

Elders deliberating in front of the House of Assembly. Wish the members were as honorable as their names

Campaign headquaters for PDP and the Jonathan-Sambo ticket

Debate Tuesday - Men are unemotional?

Or more rightly, Nigerian men are both unemotional and unromantic. Who says?

I had a discussion with a friend recently on writing romance set in Nigeria and she believes it is highly unrealistic. I thought it was because of the western/African dichotomy in romance where a few people I met during my readings mentioned that most Nigerians find it hard to say I love you and would rarely give flowers and such. Now that I understand, even though I think even the gap is lessening as more and more imbibe the foreign gestures through movies, books, education abroad, dating other races, etc.

But where exactly does it come from this "Nigerian men are unemotional?" Is it from the culture and upbringing or what? Does being unemotional mean they feel nothing for the women they're with or they hide it and prefer not to voice it out? Also we should be bear in mind that emotions are not just about love and affection, anger is also an emotion. How come our men are comfortable showing that side of them to the extent of Domestic Violence but find it hard to be more sensitive when it comes to relationships? Some male reviewers of AHTM have found Edward too emotional and soft, hear one..

...I do wonder why a tough-minded Edward, who had the world at his feet, was sort of soft. It was easy for any tough-minded man like Edward to say, ‘I love you’ even if it was a lie, just to establish a one night affair with any lady. It was easy for a tough-minded man like Edward to relieve himself with prostitutes … But Whitman stigmatized her Edward with a weakness which was rare. Whitman’s tough-minded Edward couldn’t double-date neither could he raise a voice against Gladys. SOURCE

So is that our idea of Nigerian men; brutish, unfaithful and harsh to their women?

Please share your thoughts.

Picture Weekend - Historical sites in Asaba, Nigeria

Happy New Year everyone! We are now in 2011 and I want to use this opportunity to wish everyone a glorious next 365 days. It hasn't really started off well with the bomb blasts in Abuja yesterday but we push on. It will definitely be a year of achievement and building upon what has already been made. May we all attain greater heights in the coming weeks and months. I appreciate you all!

I'm still in Nigeria and enjoying Asaba my hometown. Enjoy the pics of some of the tourist destinations...

Networking: Lola Akinmade and Ada Agbim

Hello everyone, hope your holidays are going well. I don't know about the other places but today is also a holiday in Nigeria, hehehe....I want to wish everyone a successful and happy New Year in Advance. May we achiever all our dreams and our projects be met with success! On that note; one major advantage of blogging is the social networking aspects. I continue to credit the early success and  AHTM buzz to blogger's support and interest. And it is with pleasure that I share these two bloggers with you and their dreams and events.

1. Lola Akinmade is a Nigerian Blogger who shares travel stories and pictures from her base in Sweden. She wrote me to humbly solicit your votes if you haven't cast it yet to support one of her dreams. Quark Expeditions will be sending a writer to the North Pole to document and provide engaging reports about the trip in June 2011 and they have opened the spot to interested travelers via voting. Lola has registered and really would love to represent as a Nigerian travel writer and photographer! Please vote and promote Lola here - http://www.lolagoesnorth.com/

Every single vote counts towards finally making Lola's childhood dream a reality and she's currently a front-runner (3rd) and the top 5 to qualify to the final judging round. Equally as important, please forward the link to friends/family/colleagues/other networks as well - www.lolagoesnorth.com ("Lola Goes North") - to anyone who you feel can help. Every bit helps. Thank you!

2. Ada Agbim also wrote me through this blog. She was recently certified to teach two awesome group fitness programs in the US and is looking to bring them to Nigeria. This Christmas, she is doing a little preliminary research to see how receptive Lagos would be to the programs and would love to get as many people to try the class out. Please choose a date that works for you and join Ada and her class, I'll try to attend the FREE events on January 6th and 7th, wink wink...

IKOYI
Monday December 27 - 8:30AM – Lifequest Gym – N1000
Tuesday December 28 - 7:00AM – Priscilla’s Pride Day Spa and Gym – FREE
Wednesday December 29 - 7:00PM – Lifequest Gym – N1000
Thursday January 6 - 7:00AM – Priscilla’s Pride Day Spa and Gym – FREE
Thursday Januayr 6 - 6:00PM – Lifequest Gym – N1000
LEKKI
Thursday December 30 - 11:00AM – Barazahi – FREE
Tuesday January 4 - 6:00PM – Bodyworks Fitness – N1500
Friday January 7 - 8:30AM – Barazahi – FREE
Saturday January 8 - 8:00AM – Bodyworks Fitness – N1500
VI
Sunday January 2 - 8:15PM – Eko Gym and Spa - Free
Monday January 3 - 8:15PM – Eko Gym and Spa - Free
Wednesday January 5 - 8:15PM – Eko Gym and Spa - Free
Friday January 7 - 8:15PM – Eko Gym and Spa - Free

*For a strength training alternative, join us at

IKOYI
Monday December 27 - 8:30AM – Lifequest Gym – N1000
Wednesday December 29 – 6:00PM – Lifequest Gym – N1000
Thursday January 6 – 7:00PM – Lifequest Gym – N1000
VI
Tuesday December 28 - 7:15PM – Eko Gym and Spa – Free

Address:
BARAZAHI: 16 Fola Osibo Street. Lekki Phase 1
PRISCILLAS PRIDE DAY SPA AND GYM: 272B Corporation Drive, Dolphin Estate, Ikoyi
LIFEQUEST GYM: 37 Glover Court, Off Glover road. Community Club Complex, Ikoyi
BODYWORKS FITNESS: 3 Obafemi Anibaba st, off Admiralry rd. Lekki Phase 1
EKO GYM AND SPA: 9 Akarigbere Close, VI

_______________________

ps; Please feel free to let me know if you need any events or projects publicized here. It will be my pleasure to feature you.

Heaven Why? 2

Merry Christmas everyone and I wish for 2011, an even more enjoyable and successful year! The story continues..

_____________________

“What’s for breakfast mom?” Tony asked as he bounded into the kitchen.

Her son was big for his eight years with a full head of hair and light colored eyes. “What would you prefer?” Ure asked, smiling at him.

“Pancakes?” He asked hopefully knowing his mom didn’t like making those on school mornings. That was why he just loved weekends. He got as much as he wanted.

“No pancakes today as I’m sure you already know,” Ure smiled as she moved to the cereal cupboard. “I bought your favorite rice crispies yesterday.”

“Yay,” Tony laughed, his head stuffed halfway down his man-sized backpack. “But mom, you didn’t tell me you went shopping; I would have gone with you.”

“I went to Grand Square from the bank yesterday since I also had to pick up some other stuff quickly, we’ll go properly on Saturday.” She poured some cereal in a bowl and placed it with the milk before him as she back before her breakfast.

“Good, I want to have a look at the Xbox again,” he looked at her with his puppy eyes as he began to eat, “Mom…”

“No, no, no! No momming me this time. We are not getting the Xbox till you’re ten young man, isn’t that what we agreed?”

“But mom that’s still two years away,” he grumbled.

“A year and one month,” Ure corrected. Your ninth birthday is next month…”

“Can I get it for this birthday then? Tony asked hopefully.

Ure looked at him in silence as she munched on her toast, till he looked away and focused on his crispies. “We’ll be leaving in fifteen minutes, have you got all your homework and stuff?”

“Yes mom, but can I take out these oranges from my lunch?”

Ure threw back the last of her tea and stood up, “Only if you will take a banana. You need fruits, Tone, not just biscuits.”

He made a face and went back to his breakfast.

Ure went into her room, still thinking of the Xbox. It wasn’t just that the game box was out of their budget, she also worried that if she got one, Tony would soon be demanding or bringing home some age-inappropriate games to play on it. Well, she’ll see how the year ended and may surprise him at Christmas. They both needed cheering up.

It was eight thirty on the dot when they left the apartment in Jabi enroute to Tony’s school and onwards to her office. Tony was dressed in the white short sleeves and black shorts of his school uniform and his shoes shone with polish in the morning sun. He was logging along the heavy bag and Ure frowned.

“What’s in that bag?”

“Books and stuff,” he muttered getting into the passenger seat after dumping the backpack in the back seat. “We have music lessons today and I want to show Taiye how the new Lego set works.”
“Be sure not to lose any of the pieces OK?”

“Sure mom,” he replied beaming.

Ure smiled back and drove out of the gated compound made up of four apartments. Musa held open the gates and one of her neighbors was right behind her with his two children in the back seat. She waved to them as she turned the corner. When they got to his school, Tony bounded in like a large puppy calling out to one of his numerous friends. Then he turned with a grin to wave at his mom, as she remained parked for a minute. She blew him a kiss, waved but waited till he had gone inside before she drove away.

The smile on her face masked the swirling emotion within her. Looking on her son everyday stirred deep feelings, he reminded her so much of his father. This was usually not a wholly bad thing but today it was like a knife to her heart. God why? She allowed the painful memories fill her mind as she drove into her office complex.

____________

To be continued...

Short Story - Heaven Why?

Happy Christmas in advance to everyone!  I hope everyone is doing good. I really miss coming over to your blogs and catching up. I crave your understanding for not starting Cupid's Risk as I planned, my schedule has been so muddled up. Well this was supposed to be the beginning of an idea I came up with for the blog interactive. I have left it as a short, enjoy...


_____________________________

Ure lay in bed that Monday morning and reviewed details of her activities for work that day. She was meeting one of her more difficult clients later in the day and she wasn't looking forward to presenting the proposals she had prepared for them. Luckily her manager was going with her and her usual partner. They were looking to increase the customer’s advertising budget by a few more millions. If they got it, she were halfway to her target and that was no mean feat seeing it was still the first month of the quarter. She loved her job as an advertising consultant/marketer but it could be draining sometimes as well.

Thoughts of Yemi's birthday occupied her as she took her bath and dressed up. Yemi had been her friend from University, her bridesmaid when she got married to Azuka in London and her rock after her husband passed away and they’d had to return to Nigeria. It was Yemi’s 35th birthday and several friends had been invited. She had already decided on her outfit and was putting together the accessories in her head as she dressed for work.

At the kitchen table later, she forgot all about fashion as she sat glaring at the invoice for her son’s school fees for the term. He attended The Regent Schools Abuja and the fees had just been hiked by almost 20 percent. If she’d thought the cost had been through the roof when he’d been admitted, now they were in the stratosphere. Well she liked their mixed curriculum and being that Tony had only stabilized this year after the tumultuous period three years ago. The poor boy had had to deal with losing his father and moving from the only home he’d known in London.

No, she couldn’t think of withdrawing him now. Well not while she could still afford it, who knew what would happen in future? The events surrounding her husband’s death had thought her to take each new day as it dawned. Wasn’t it the bible that said sufficient unto the day was the evil thereof or something along those lines? She remembered that her son’s teacher wanted to see her. Her son had been doing fairly well in his lessons for the past few months and she hoped he was not retrogressing. It would be a shame if something happened to upset the balance they’d been able to establish both at home and at school.

She took a deep breath and exhaled...

__________________________________________

To be continued...