Debate Tuesday - Who should love the other more?

The man or the woman?

But first of all, happy February everyone, it's the month of love. As usual, this is going to be a love-themed month for me and my blog. Some of you already know that not only is February my SO's birthday, it's also my wedding anniversary. I'm an unabashed romantic and already ideas are popping in my head for ways to make it memorable. But for this month and on this blog, it's not going to be all about me. I've gone looking for love and will be bringing you "Real Love Stories" and from people all around us.

You know how you go to wedding websites and the first place you go to is "Our Story"? I'm a sucker for ohhing and ahhing over those. For someone like me who believes in romance, these stories show that it can be real. LOVE IS POSSIBLE. It happens to people we know and it can happen to anyone. I have several guest bloggers who will be sharing stories of how they met their fiancées and their spouses. Some of them have also been married for several years and will be sharing marriage and relationship tips with us. The "Real Love Stories" starts this week, so watch out. If you want to share with us, send me an email at myne @ mynewhitman.com

Click link to read the REAL LOVE STORIES

OK, before we get all lovey-dovey. There is this question that crops up sometimes. In a relationship, is it the man or the woman who should love the other more?

The received wisdom (old wives tale) seems to be that the woman should be with and marry a man who loves her more. Maybe if men gave themselves such advice, it would be the other way around. I personally think what is more important is that both love each other deeply, and work to nurture and sustain that love. This is because love is not static and in a long term relationship, it tends to move around. Today, she loves him more, tomorrow, he loves her more.

What say you all?

Uche Uwadinachi - Guest Author (Spoken Word Poetry)

I first 'met' Uche Uwadinachi through his blog and then Facebook and finally in Nigeria where we really met at several of the events I attended. he was a charming person and his spoken word poetry even more so. He has a trademark poem, Ebony Goddess, which has won him some prizes and which is a joy to watch him perform. His first collection of poetry is Scar in the heart of pain. In this interview, Uche emphasizes that what he does "is not spoken word but spoken word poetry thus that makes it understandable that every poem, any poem can still be performed. My spoken word poetry is my book in its speech act medium- and I always write my poem not like prose, nor like drama but with that riddle that define the oral tradition where the African poetry began. However I still hope to improve on my style of writing."

I got a complimentary copy of the book and enjoyed most of the poems. In it, there are issues of solitude, absurdity, survival, poverty, and serenity to faith but most of all is the theme of a persisting circle of pain in the life of an individual. "The pain wakes up as an ache of situation but bulge into an entire life of agony and this tradition is seen irresistible in the life of the common man. The hold here strikes at the cells of the mental and physical being of the victim. The common man thus is disfigured with the worries of poverty, unemployment, disease and deaths, thus the continuous struggle against these odds, leaves him drown in despair and desolations with no thoughts of ever surviving."

Enjoy the interview below...

1. Tell us about yourself; a brief autobiography -

My name is Uche Uwadinachi, a priest of poetry. I practice performance poetry and the spoken word as part of my vocation and religion. Am a graduate of the Lagos State University Ojo -2006 with a B.A in English Language. I belong to a two-man music group named Kamazaiah- a culture hip pop movement. Our first compilation album ‘Lifted’ was released in 2007 under the Sound Factory Label and presently we work towards our next album titled ‘Bad Things’. I have featured in several Nigerian movies such as Real love, Love of my life’, Haunted love, Adam and Eve, You broke my heart, Who killed Dele, Veno, Superstory (No pain no gain) among others.

I am the author of the book ‘SCAR in the HEART of pain’ and its spoken word album. The poetry collection was published by BlackArts, while the album was produced by Tuntout Records. In 2006, I won the ANA Lagos poetry festival (poetry performance) prize, by 2010, I won the June Poetry-craze contest, November 2010, I won second place in the Ken Saro-wiwa writing competition for poetry-2010. I have performed my poetry at the 1st Tinapa trade expo, Wordslam 1, 11, 111 and 1V, Bookshelve-LTV8, Poetry-potter, Bristish Council, Samkard Tree-National Library, Pen society, Ayota Art Centre etc.
For a living, I work as a continuity man for TV commercials and reality shows and also as a presenter in Konto Music, a music documentary programme on NTA Channel 10 Lagos, and 9ja TV.

A Gang of Brothers - BlogFest

Thanks to Dominic De Mattos; I've just written my first Young Adult (I think) short story. The rules of the blogfest and the story below. Please excuse typos, I just wrote this now.

Post a passage in which your MC (or your favourite fictional character) shows their bravery. It might be in the face of physical danger, or peer pressure or personal sacrifice. It might be epic bravery or bravery that goes unnoticed by anyone but us, your devoted readers.

I cheerfully admit that the blogfest is mis-named! Bravery is not the absence of fear - that is recklessness. Bravery is overcoming fear, or doing what is right despite the fear.

"Zube, come on, it's break time."

"I don't want to go." Twelve years old Zube shrank in his seat and looked up through the corner of his eyes at the person standing above him and gesturing. Ike was turned sideways, one leg already turned to the direction of the door. Outside waited Paul, fourteen years old and the other members of their neighborhood gang of boys. It was exams next week and Zube wanted to study. He also did not want to hang out anymore with Ike and the other boys, especially Paul.

"You're wasting time," Ike said. He'd not heard Zube and was halfway across the classroom

"I don't..." Zube dragged to his feet as he spoke and shuffled behind Ike as they walked into the bright sunshine.

"Come on," Ike yelled, sprinting forward with a glance over his shoulder.

Zube shaded his eyes with his hand and saw Paul standing in the distance with about three other boys. Sweat break out on his upper lip and he wiped at it with a balled fist as he increased his pace. He had dreamed of the day he would join that close-knit group but now, he hated them. Paul had started the group in their  secondary school as a study group, but since they all lived in th University campus where the school was located, the boys ended up meeting after school too.

Zube had asked his classmate Ike, who lived in the same building with Paul, to get him in. Last week, Paul invited him and gave him the rules. They were a gang of brothers who did everything together and never questioned orders. They studied together, helped each other in their housechores and came together if an older boy tried to harass any of them. It had seemed easy till they invited him for an outing the next day, which involved going one of the boy's house, whose mother was their English teacher. There, they had broken into her desk and took notes from the already prepared test papers.

After doing everything required of him, Zube had gone home and cried. He loved studying and felt deceived; this was not want he wanted. he almost confessed to his father, a lectuer in the university but in the end, could not go through with it. And now here was Paul again, standing with hands across his chest and glaring at him through slitted eyes. Zube stopped walking.

Picture Weekend - Which Cover?

Hello everyone, how's your week going?

I got some great news today and I'm almost shaking with excitement. My next book is almost ready! I'm using Createspace this time and they just sent me some mock-ups of my cover. There are two designs and I'm to chose one. Of course I want you guys to help me decide.

Yes, yes yes, the title has been changed from Ghost of the Past to A Love Rekindled. I was joking with my sisters over Christmas that my books will all start with 'A', and then I arrived at this one and loved it. For those who have read the excerpt, I hope you feel it suits Efe and Kevwe just as well?

OK, to the covers. So let's say you're in the bookstore, or browsing Amazon, which would you first pick or click on and which would you buy. The first or the second?

And please tell me why?

My HOT Hot Mug

Erica and Christy want us to share a mug of our favorite MUG...lol.. hear them..

Simply post a picture of your very favoritest mug. The one you'd choose to drink from every time if it never needed to spend any time in the dishwasher. The one you secretly eye whenever your significant other, mother, brother, best friend, [insert other] grabs it from the cupboard and you hold yourself back from snatching it out of their hand and shouting, "Give it back! It's mine. All mine!"

So do I have a favorite mug? Yes I do.

In fact, I love that mug so much that I've hard used it. Yeah, I use it almost all the time and it's showing wear and tear. I don't actually know what happened, but one day I noticed a chip along the rim of the mug. Soon a crack followed, and has been extending downwards since. Our guess is the mug fell from the hands of someone washing it (Neither Atala nor I is guilty, maybe there are ghosts in the house?) Or it cracked when it was put in the microwave (I'm the only one that does that but I still plead innocent). Anyway, I still use that mug, crack and all, for my tea, coffee, and all...

Below is my hardy mug and its battle scars. Underneath, SO's scarfree mug and the two side by side. Isn't that a beautiful sight?

Debate Tuesday - Must they say 'I love you'?

A Question and a Poll...

So this week, I have a question. Is it a must for your significant other, (boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, fiancée, etc.) to say the words "I love you" as a declaration of their love?

You see I saw a discussion among romance writers and readers on whether they needed to hear the hero and heroine in their novels say those magic three words. I personally like to hear it and I take that decision for my characters, :)

In my first book, A Heart to Mend, Edward struggled with the words, he was the macho type, very arrogant and self sufficient, and felt gifts and actions would do. But in the end, he realized the error of his ways and declared it in words. In the upcoming Ghost of the Past (BTW, this title will be changed) Kevwe is softer, the more emotional and verbally demonstrative type and used the words several times to reassure Efe of his love. In both books, the women loved to hear the words, in fact, Gladys in AHTM insisted on it as a condition for Edward asking her to marry him.

What about you? Must they say it? 

If yes, when? Before or after the relationship/marriage, all the time, once a week/month? Daily? Will you stop dating them if they don't? If they've stopped saying it, will you notice? Will it become a bone of contention?

There's also a poll on the left sidebar, thanks!

Have a great week all.

____________________

image from Hubpages.com

Love is All - Top Ten Music BlogFest

This Blogfest is thanks to Alex Cavanaugh who says,

Music moves us. It inspires us! Now, tell the world YOUR ten favorite songs of all time. The Song, the band – why does it move you?"

My name is Myne Whitman and I am a music buff. I love love music. After food and air, books and music are in top contention of what I could not do without in my life. Almost no day goes by that I do not listen to music. I was brought up in a house where both parents loved music, and there was always music playing, either from records or the radio. My Dad had a book on song lyrics from back in the 60s and 70s and continues to buy music to this day.

I moved from my parents eclectic taste during my teenage years to my own favorites. I found that I preferred ballads and easy listening music. Soft rock, pop, R&B, new age and classical were the type of music I gravitated to. But most of all, I loved when I could hear clearly the lyrics of a song, and when it seemed the music had a special message, just for me. This ruled out a lot of songs which I sometimes listened to, mostly on the radio, but did not warm to, including Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, or Electro Funk. I also think that individual singers do better than bands, but that's just me. It could just be that most of my favorite songs are by single artistes than bands.

There are some musicians that did not make it to my list but that doesn't mean I like them less than the ones featured. Musicians like Elvis Presley, Yanni, Enya, Linkin' Park, Eminem, Sting, Michael Bolton, and Banky W. Elvis Presley has one of the best voices and killer eyes ever, Eminem made me love rap, Michael B sang me into my first love, Yanni can take me to a higher plans anyday, and Banky W, let's just say, "He dey do me Strong Thing".

Without further ado, my top ten tunes - in no particular order - are below. These songs have made me laugh, they have more often made me cry, some are original soundtrack of movies, they have accompanied me as I fell in love, and healed me as I got over heartbreak. Best of all is that they all talk about love. For me, LOVE IS ALL...

1. Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers

2. My Heart will go on - Celine Dion

3. Man in the Mirror - Micheal Jackson

4. Have you ever really loved a woman - Bryan Adams

5. I'll always love you - Whitney Houston

6. Don't want to miss a thing - Aerosmith

7. Un-break my Heart - Toni Braxton

8. Sleeping Child - Micheal Learns to Rock

9. Obimuo (My Heart, My Love) - Obiwon

10. And I'm telling you - Jennifer Hudson

Weekend Pictures - Voter Registrations in Nigeria

Have you performed your civic duty?

I wish I were in Nigeria now so I could take part in the voter registration exercise currently going on in the country ahead of the April elections. I'm one of those people that love standing in queues for something I may never get, can't you tell? (LOL...) But seriously, it took me three tries but I managed to get the Nigerian ID when it first came out and I still carry it proudly.

This time, it's even more important. Most of us complain daily of how much things are wrong in Nigeria, and now is an opportunity to begin to put things right. As one who as been there before, Donald Duke pointed out how difficult it is to rig an election when higher percentages of the citizenry vote. And how can you vote when you're not registered?

Let's give the thugs a run for their money, people. Carry your mats and han le le. If it means sleeping at the INEC booths, then so be it! OK OK...don't bite off my head, lol. I know you still have work, school, home, church etc etc. But try eh? For the sake of other Nigerians, and for the sake of the future. Even if you don't live there now or plan to leave, who knows eh?

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and please spread the word, #enoughisenough #rsvp

REGISTER: SELECT: VOTE: PROTECT

Pictures from around the web. Click to go read up on what's happened so far...

www.nigerlinks.com

www.allafrica.com

www.ifes.org

A Note From Atala - The Significant Other BlogFest

Thanks to DL Hammons at Cruising Altitude

We’ve all heard the saying…behind every successful man or woman…there’s a person who supports them unconditionally. Nowhere is that more true than with us writers. Who else would put up with our 2 AM wake up calls to solicit opinions of a shiny new idea? Our whiplash inducing confidence swings? The hours upon hours in front of the computer monitor, with nary a grunt or nod when they attempt to disrupt our creative flow? The compulsive need to check email on our Smartphone’s for that reply we’ve been waiting so anxiously for? Or reading the fifty-seventh revision of our first chapter?

It takes a special person to put up with writers idiosyncrasies…and we believe its time they had their say! Although our first choice would be to have your significant other post their own material, it is acceptable to interview them and post those responses. The only catch is that you must [start with] these three questions.

1. What food or drink is guaranteed to return your loved one to a good mood, even after a bad day writing?
2. What one thing would you change about your others writing habits?
3. How hard is it to sit by and watch someone you care for struggle to attain a dream...knowing there's very little you can do to help?

Hear it from my one and ONLY! :) I love you too darling...

1 - My SO's moods aren't really driven by food or drink - usually, it's enough for her to step away from writing for a while to regain her good humour. However, a good dollop of ice cream (especially if it's coffee-flavoured) wouldn't go amiss in helping the restoration of that good humour.

2 - I'd like her to accept that there comes a time in a story's life when it is good enough, and further edits (especially ones which could accidentally introduce typos) are really just gilding the lily. I do understand that perspective keeps on changing, and what seemed great a few months back may not be so good now - but writers should also remember that they don't just write for themsleves, but also for others (e.g. impatient editors, expectant readers, etc.)

3 - I'm actually very active in supporting my SO's aspirations, so I'm not sure how to answer this question. However, if I was in this position, I'd try to be creative in figuring out ways I could help, even though the help might not be directly related to her dreams. I might also play the role of the 'mirror' - getting her to evaluate where she was in her struggle, so that she might consider other options.

4 - In any event, I find it very easy to be supportive of my wife, because it's clear to me that she gets a great deal of enjoyment and fulfilment from her writing. So loving her as I do, I want to do as much as I can to in helping her making the experience as fulfilling for her as it possibly can be.

5 - And it also helps that like her, I'm an avid reader, and so I'm very keen to know what she's written, and I can cast a critical eye with suggestions and comments. Sometimes, it can be a bit of a pain, especially when she feels that her work is not yet ready for viewing - there are times I've contemplated sneaking out of bed to steal a sneak preview!

A Birthday Surprise - Tessa's Birthday BlogFest

                                                                      

Tessa Conte is the blogger at Tessa's blurb and today is her birthday. To make her happy, she wants her friends to "Write a 500-1000 word story/scene that mentions birthday(s), candles, cakes or presents."

Happy Birthday Tessa, enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where are we going?” Gladys asked Edward as she stepped out of the office bathroom. He’d just come back after three weeks in China and though they’d spent most of the past few days together, he never mentioned they’d go out tonight. He only called this morning to ask her to take a change of clothes for an evening on the town with some friends.

“You’ll know when we get there. It’s a surprise.” He turned to smile at her before tidying up his papers and ushering her out of the office. “And you look good in that top.”

“Thanks, glad you like it. But don’t dodge the question. Why won’t you tell me now?”

“Not yet, wait till we get there. Or you can try guessing.”

“Oh Edward, you know I don’t like surprises.”

They took the elevator to the underground car park and were soon on their way. Unlike most of their dates, this wasn’t set in advance. He usually picked her up after work, either alone or with friends, to take her home or out for drinks.

Sometimes, they went to her book club or similar literary events. Other times he introduced her to new places; some he’d discovered as a university student during his first years in the city.

They were caught in the perennial hold-up on Awolowo Road when she turned under the seatbelt. “OK, do you know what?”

“What is that?” Edward adjusted his side mirror as an okada bike sneaked in between the stationary cars.

“I got a query yesterday. My boss says I nod off at my desk.”

“So you are one of those people who sleep at work, eh? I have some of those in my office too.”

“I got you,” Gladys chuckled. “I actually enjoy my duties.”

“You’re sure you do not sleep on the job?”

“No I don’t.” Did he think she was serious?

“Is that your final answer or do you want to phone a friend?” Edward deadpanned as the traffic began to inch forward.

Caught unawares, Gladys laughed easily. It was clear she would have fun tonight. “Really, I was only trying to pull your leg. I’ve never received a query.”

“Well my legs are quite busy now, so please don’t pull any of them.” Their laughter blended into each other.

He looked at her when she stopped. “What did you receive?”

“That’s the deal. I’ll tell if you say where we’re headed.”

He guffawed. She put a hand on his thigh, “Edward please...”

“So you thought to make a stand? I didn’t think so.”

She pouted and looked away. They soon arrived at Reed’s Restaurant, which served Thai food. They had been here before, but Gladys was surprised to see her friend Ola walking up to the car. She opened the door and stepped out.

“What a coincidence!” She said as Ola came closer to them.

“I don’t think it is.” Ola pointed to the group of people near the doors of the building.

Gladys looked up and gasped; she looked over to Edward who had just finished locking up.

“Happy birthday to you darling.” He smiled innocently at her and turned to Ola. “Allow me to use this opportunity to congratulate you on your confirmation too.”

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t tell him.” Gladys protested when Ola turned to her with an accusatory look.

Ola was a colleague whose cubicle was just down the hall from hers at the office. She had started out in the industry ten years ago as a lowly clerk but had risen to become a chartered accountant. They’d taken to each other, maybe because she was a fairly new employee herself when Gladys joined the firm. Ola was Gladys’s best friend even though she was older by some years. They shared more interests than she did with Jennifer or Ayo. Also, Ola was a Lagos girl and from her and Edward, Gladys had learnt all about living in and enjoying the hectic city.

“How did you find out then?” Ola turned back to Edward.

“Let’s just say I have an ear to the ground.” He replied striding around the car. Her eyes settled on him but she was speechless. Her birthday was last week but she wasn’t even a stickler for celebrations. Her family and a few friends had called with greetings and she was even happier when he’d made time from his busy schedule in China to do the same.

He took her arms and gave her a brief kiss on the lips.

“So this is your surprise?”

“Yes, a birthday party. Do you still not like surprises?”

“I love this one.” She gave him a big hug.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excerpt from my first novel, A HEART TO MEND