Arranged Marriage Versus Personal Choice

A lot of couples these days find love through their own personal choice, by meeting people with shared interests, beliefs, and values either at work, at school, or at play. Along the line, they date, court and then decide if they are right for each other and if they can agree to live together and maybe get married.

Arranged marriage on the other hand involves the parents and relatives of those involved. Most times, there's marriage on the cards from the get go and it often happens within a short time after meeting. I want to think that these days, arranged marriages may involve some coercion and pressure but not force.

I have found that younger people are more gung-ho about making their own personal choice, but the older a man or a woman gets, especially if they have made the rounds of their social and dating circle with no luck, the more likely they are to be open to an arrangement by their parents or older relatives to meet new people and get married quickly.

What do you think? Which has more pros in your opinion?

Joseph Benjamin on his Marriage and Separation

If you ask me, I'll say separation, while it is not encouraged, is not uncommon in Nigeria. Scores of people I know live separate lives with their spouses mostly in different homes and sometimes even in different countries. A few times, they even live in the same house and still do their own business. What is more frowned upon is going the legal route of getting a divorce, I put this down to our religious and traditional backgrounds.

On my part, I'll never support marriage for marriage sake, but only when it is healthy and beneficial to the couple and any children they have. Recently, Joseph Benjamin - Nigerian actor and presenter - got the full weight of public disapproval when it came to light that he was separated from his ex-wife and mother of his two children. There were other rumors surrounding the announcement some of which he has addressed in this press release below.

“I was married for 8 years. It was a rather odd situation at that time. She got pregnant and I didn’t want to have a child out of wedlock and so I married her so we could build a home together for the unborn child. Things weren’t rosy then, but I believed it was the right thing to do for the sake of the child.

How to Have a Lasting Online Romance

This is another Search #1 keyword that bring people to this blog. I personally met Atala online and we made it thus far, and I know of several other success stories. The major advantage of online romance is the privacy, and safety it provides. You don’t need to expose everything about you immediately.

Stuff like your telephone number, address, where you work and family details can and should be kept under wraps for a while. It is only when you trust the other person more that you can decide how open to be.

Online romance gives you the control, you can decide when and how to reveal any type of information. You can also completely back off at any time, if you feel like something is going wrong or the other person is not who they say they are. Changing your email addresses, or blocking a chat buddy or access to your FB or twitter profile, is much easier than keeping someone out of your physical space.

What Comes After Saying I am Sorry

I think it is part of us as humans to have a sense of fairness and to want justice so if we are forced to apologize against our will, it can be very difficult. Also, if the so-called offender thinks the apology will demean their self-pride, they might shirk from doing the right thing.

When I used to be a school teacher - my mum runs a private school and that was also my first job after NYSC - I got to interact with little kids a lot and learnt a lot from the experience too. One of the things common with a lot of children is that though they are easily offended, they are also quick to forgive.

First though is that they like to report. If you're the only adult or the favorite one in a place with loads of kids, the complaints will be coming thick and fast. "Aunty, B stepped on my foot!" "Aunty, X pinched me!" Aunty, E called me a bad name!" And so on, lol. It's left to you to make the peace as quickly as you can. Most times, this involved calling on the offender to say “I’m sorry.”

Dear Myne - I have Commitment Issues

I love your blog and I do not know if you could oblige me by posting my 'issue' up there. How can one overcome the fear of commitment? I have been dating a wonderful man for three years and the fear of even getting a proposal scares me that I break out in cold sweats. I broke off the relationship twice and got back again. I am afraid he may not be the one. I'd really appreciate some good advice.

We met during NYSC programme and started dating few months afterwards. We have the same values and principles on salient issues and he is very committed to God like I am. He has a sense of duty and commitment and my folks like him though we are from different tribes. He knows how to care for me, even though we quarrel we try to sort things up as soon as possible.

We had a did long distance relationship lfor about a year but he lives closer in Ogun State and I in Lagos so we visit each other every two weeks most cases. All in all, he is someone I would like to marry though I get upset with him when he doesn't call me often cos he is busy or tired from work (he's into marketing) and we can get into huge fights. I attribute that to distance issues.

Touching Her by Lelouch

She smiled at me, she winked, she laughed…but I couldn’t touch her. She was right in front of me but I could not adjust her long, dark hair, tilt her oval chin or trace a playful line down a side of her glowing face. She wanted me to hold her, I saw it in her eyes, yet I didn’t. We talked for several short hours throughout that day on life, love, politics and the future. We made and played beautiful music and told tales of the nostalgic past.

I looked away again, made no attempt to hide my false interest in the surrounding scenery because I’d somehow noticed how her smile got brighter when she thought I wasn’t paying attention. I totally deceived her. She thought I was staring at other things…but I was only trying to get a better view. All of my optical focus was directed to peripheral vision so I could ‘scope’ her face, optimally. No harm in that tiny bit of dishonesty, eh?

Kinds of Nigerian Husbands and Wives

I'll put the disclaimer first before some ask for my head. This is a comedic chain-mail. Dirty Dishes who first posted it said, "The article is about the stereotypical perception of the Nigerian husband and wife... This is in no way to insult any tribe so please do not get offended. It is also not meant to annoy anyone, hurt anyone or make any tribe look superior or inferior." I saw it on Deronk's and though I'm really not one for stereotype jokes, this got me laughing. Enjoy...

Kinds of Nigerian Husbands

IGBO HUSBAND

Plus

He is very loyal, He maintains monogamy, Could be very yielding/gullible, Gives you access to all his assets, Follows your advice and directions to the letter, Spends money on you for comfort, good looks and happiness, Takes care of your kids

A 'Man of God' Should Not Own a Private Jet

By Nkem Akinsoto

I do not like controversies on religion, faith or belief, but sometimes the brand of Pentecostal Christianity in Nigeria breaks my heart. This sentence was my comment on one of the first posts, Sykik's Religion that talked about this issue. I don't mean we shouldn't blog or talk about it, just that we shouldn't quarrel with each other which I see some commenters on some blogs doing.

Of course it becomes more pertinent if one has the ears of one of these pastors, that would be excellent so the discussion can be more directed. I said essentially the same when I first saw the video above on Adura Ojo's Let's talk about it. I was not too surprised by the perspectives in the video, they were as split as I expected.

In reply to my wish that a so-called man of God will speak on what he believes, Prism reminded me that Pastor Tunde Bakare has. He actually condemned it, but some may accuse him of poverty or jealousy since he doesn't have one. I want to hear from those who have bought these jets or who accepted the gifts - talk about chop and clean mouth.

The New Facebook Couple's Page

I joined Facebook in 2007 around the time I was about halfway through my master's degree and friends and course-mates were beginning to disperse after the end of our first semester. It was a way to keep in touch and also share some news with them where ever they ended up. Since then I've been in one relationship that ended and then I've got married. In none of those relationships did I use the Facebook option of displaying to the whole world, or at least to one's friends that I was "In a Relationship".

I remember that I did share pictures of my engagement ring after Atala's proposal, and also of pictures of my wedding. The sharing was to custom lists and now the pictures are hidden completely and only I can see them. That is one thing I like about Facebook, the tools it provides to help us, the users, protect our privacy if we want to. But there are other loopholes and oversabi that make me shake my head at them.

For instance, after my page became public and used to network for my books and this blog, I indicated that I was married in order to check mate some of the unwanted and unwarranted attention. Funny enough, Facebook sent out a notice to all my friends and subcribers that I just got married on the day I set that up. Same thing happened when I set up my mum's profile indicating she was married. The public blast is irritating because not only is the date wrong, you may not also want to let everyone know.

Movie Review - The Man with the Iron Fists

Atala - When I first saw the trailer for this film, my first reaction was "Huh?" A man whose body turns to metal? An action sequence that I wasn't sure was dancing or fighting? I was sort of curious, but I put it out of my head after a day or two.

Fast forward to a few weeks later, and Myne and I were trying to decide what film to watch. We were going to watch 'Flight', a film that I had set my eyes on for a while, but the film times didn't work for us. So we had a look at what else was on offer. Thus it was that "The Man with the Iron Fists" reasserted itself into my consciousness again, and thus it was that we went to watch it, despite my apprehension at some negative reviews I saw about it.

It turns out my fears were misplaced, because the film turned out to be a very enjoyable experience. The main story is about a blacksmith who unwittingly ends up endangering the village he lives in when the weapons he makes fall into the hands of the baddies.