Dear Myne - My Husband Has Refused Divorce or Child Support

I will really appreciate it if this is published because I strongly need advice from those in Nigeria on steps to take and how well to get a divorce and child support from my so called husband. Pls I will like you to also inform me when this will be published so I can follow it up on the blog because I usually read you in my email.

People get married and live happily ever after but mine (marriage) is different and nothing to write home about. I have husband that is not ready to relate with members of my family most especially my mum, the reason which I couldn’t find answers to. The only reason he has given so far is that my mum is a Muslim, this he knows quite ok before we got married.

We got married in 2007, he was & has been never faithful since then. He sleeps out often, intact he slept out a day after our wedding and came back the following day with no remorse. He goes to clubs comes back oozing of alcohol and the likes, he even brings home his mistresses (one of which is his colleague in the office a married woman with 3kids) when I am not @ home. He became a monster in the house and beats me often. There was an incidence that led to a serious injury on my forehead, it was stitched, infact it has left a big scar on my forehead now.

Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie - An Old-Fashioned Love Story

I have not read Americanah by Chimamanda Adichie, but I'm really looking forward to it, and I had been intruiged since I read the blurb and an excerpt, and knew the main story was between two people in love. There had also been a love story in Half a Yellow Sun, but it was overshadowed by the Biafran war theme. Here, the other issues in the book are more subsidiary. In an interview about Americanah, Chimamanda answered the following questions,

...what is Americanah about?

It is about love. I wanted to write an unapologetically old-fashioned love story. But it is also about race and how we reinvent ourselves. It is about how, when we leave home, we become another version of ourselves. And it is also about hair…

You write brilliantly about love. What do you think makes a love last?

I wish I knew… if I did, I would market it. Lasting love has to be built on mutual regard and respect. It is about seeing the other person. I am very interested in relationships and, when I watch couples, sometimes I can sense a blindness has set in. They have stopped seeing each other. It is not easy to see another person.

Have you experienced love at first sight?

No, but I would like to.

Adventures of a Miss!! Episode 5

It's been two days since the proposal and I can't still get Zainab off my mind. Honestly, how can another man's wife be on my mind more than the man I’m supposedly about to marry. I've ignored her numerous texts and calls since the proposal, mostly because I know it's impossible for me to agree to her proposal, now that Bolaji has stepped up and proposed to me. I really thought we still had about a year of seriously dating before he would propose but I thank God it happened earlier because it means my search is over.

I'm meeting with Tayo and Semi tonight for dinner and drinks after work. Ever since I told them about the proposal, all they want to do is sit and talk wedding plans. The real question here is if I should be planning a wedding because I am not sure there will be one.

“Let me seeee" I hear screaming as I walk into the restaurant, the same one Bolaji had proposed two days earlier. Tayo was already sitting at a table and Semi was nowhere to be found. I walked in with a huge smile on my face and extended my left hand for her to see the ring.

"Wow Toks, this ring is big oh. I didn’t get a chance to see it properly on Saturday at all” Tayo said while seriously examining the ring. “We all need to hang out with Bolaji so we can get to know him very well” she added.

Fried Plantain and Scrambled Eggs

Dodo aka fried ripe plantain, when paired with scrambled eggs or omelette, is for me one of the best comfort meals ever made. I think most people know how to make it, but if you need some few pointers, check out this recipe.

Couple Love at the Omawunmi Concert

Joseph Benjamin and Guest

Omawumi launched ‘Lasso of Truth’ her sophomore album recently, and some people decided to make it a date night and couple up on the red carpet.

Long Courtship is Bad Business For a Woman

I laughed so hard when I read an article by Funke Egbemode on length of courtships. I have had cause to disagree with some of her previous articles on relationships before, but here, I completely agree with her. She is of the opinion that a woman - I guess she's referring to ladies mature enough, ready and able to get married - should not waste any time in cutting a man loose if he is bent on stringing her along. She says;

"... It’s either a relationship is serious or it is not. You are either heading for the altar or the rocks. If you are dating a man and in all of the 52 weeks that make a year, you don’t smell seriousness, you’ve been had. Cut your losses and take a walk. The earlier the better. Hanging on to nothing is foolhardy and you know what is most saddening; most women in relationships that are going nowhere are actually aware of the fact. They are just too afraid to cut loose; you know all that nonsense about ‘where do I start from’ bla bla bla. If you don’t end a bad affair while time is still on your side, you are liable to end up a lonely touchy old maid.

"A long courtship going nowhere strips a woman of her dignity and self-esteem. Because she is hoping that tomorrow will persuade him to make an honest woman of her, she shoos off other eligible males. Because she thinks he’d propose at the next valentine dinner, she discourages the real Mr Right. She reads silly meanings into everything he says or does even when the bloke means nothing. For instance, she mistakes his presence at her mother’s 60th birthday for commitment of an acting son-in-law. Nonsense, it’s just another party for him."

Dear Myne - Do You Think I'm Second Best?

Dear Myne. My name is Tosin*not real name*, I am dating this guy presently and we have been going out for the past 7months.

I use the term going out loosely because he never asked me out, we kind of just evolved, on my part I was dying for a definition of the relationship but did not have the guts to ask cos I did not want to be seen as all these desparate girls that keep hounding a man about what the re doing or where the rship is headed....this aspect was resolved about 3weeks ago when we were having an argument and he told me "we are dating, we are still trying to know ourselves well"...so I guess we re dating!

But somethings bother me....I feel he holds back on his feelings and I'm the one left prodding him and sayin things like "do you like me at all"? Am I forcing you to be in this? And so on. He also never talks about his exes or assures me I'm his one and only(even though if I come right out and ask he says I am)

He maybe does not know how to take care of a woman or maybe inconsiderate...he got me a scarf for christmas and another for valentine, even though I got him really nice things for these occassions....don't get me wrong please, I don't mean he should spend his whole earnings on me, but he could also improve or put more thought into getting me something better.

Tyler Perry's Temptation and Rape

The internet is abuzz with Tyler Perry latest movie, Temptation, and it is not about Kim Kardashian who makes a small appearance. I called Nollywood on this movie - bad writing and heavy handed message delivery - but this is not a review. Which is coming soon by the way.

This post is about the first sex scene between two of the main characters where Judith, a married 26 years old (married for 6 years) cheats on her husband with a rich social media inventer, Harley. So we know that Judith was young and vulnerable, and Harley is an arrogant cocaine addict who abuses women.

In this sex scene, Judith is probably feeling wild sexual attraction for the first time. She said no to Harley, several times, he could have stopped, instead he played on her emotions. And if you remember, she was crying when she remembered the sex, yes she was attracted to Harley, yes, physically she enjoyed the sex and wanted more, but she also felt very guilty of failing her own values and cheating on her husband.

Indeed, rape in real life is different from a make belief movie by Tyler Perry, where Judith goes on to have an affair with Harley, but I have heard lots of stories of young ladies who think they are dating a guy innocously, and who are trying to abstain till marriage, only to be taken advantage of by their so-called boyfriend. It is rape, pure and simple.

Why Nice Guys Always Finish Last

Like I said in this post, I don't like the terms Bad Boys or Nice Guys, they are so binary and have such history behind them. I think Nice guys are people pleasers, either because of their personality, upbringing, or emotional baggage. There is nothing inherently good or bad about this, we are who we are. On the title of this post, I appreciate and agree with some of the points the writer on Nairaland. made, but in some others, he went for the hyperbole and lost me.

What’s wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys ™ are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity — a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are “users” — just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on “Nice Guys”, stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It’s no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life…Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find “Nice Guys” to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Magazine Covers I'm Liking

Both Genevieve and TW Magazines have featured two women that are not your stereotypical role models, as in they are not married, have children, or are perfect in the way most Nigerian women define a perfect life for a woman. OK, maybe Genevieve Nnaji kind of is perfect in that she looks like a barbie doll on her cover (see picture below).  For that I'm liking the magazine covers more, and their models of course are great role models in my opinion.