Naming Nigeria - Flora Shaw and Sexism

Flora Shaw and Lord Lugard

By Robert Ojediran

It is an unfortunate consequence of our innate sexism as a people that when we hear the name Flora Shaw as the lady who named Nigeria, we see not a person - with a life, with achievements and with faults - rather we see the mistress/ wife to be of Lord Frederick Lugard. Ask any Nigerian and this is probably the only fact they know about Miss Shaw.

Our culture is one where a woman’s legacy is not a factor of her character or her achievements but simply by who her husband is. So when we think of the woman who named our country we cannot think beyond an ordinary mistress whispering ideas to her man in bed because that is her domain of control and of course it the man who carries out the act of the naming because only men can do important things. This could not be further from the truth.

Nigeria was named by Flora Shaw but not as a consequence her relationship with Lord Lugard as most people believe. She wrote an article in the London Times of January 8, 1897 suggesting that the territory around the Niger, which was then controlled by the Royal Niger Company, should be called Nigeria.

At the time she was the colonial editor of the London times in the 1890s. She had a column titled the colony, it appeared weekly. She wrote many articles about the acquisition of territories in Africa in the 1900’s and was considered as an expert on the issue. Her achievement in becoming the colonial editor of the London times was quite extraordinary. The paper was the leading voice at the time and widely regarded as one of the best.

6 Ways to Know You're a Side Chick

By Kiri Blakely

I've noticed a startling trend in the dating world: Something I'll call the "faux-girlfriend" phenomenon. That's when a guy treats you like a girlfriend in a lot of ways -- you spend holidays together, you've met his parents, you have your own clothes drawer at his place. In fact, things are so girlfriend-y that it seems the next logical step would be fiancee-y and then wife-y. But something insidious and underhanded is going on. There are men out there (and women too, I imagine) who treat you like a girlfriend -- but not really. That's usually because while he wants the regularity and companionship of a real girlfriend, he doesn't want the responsibility, the downsides, or the idea of cutting off his options.

How do you know if you might be the faux-girlfriend? Here's 6 bigtime clues.

Facebook status. Yes, no matter that you spend six nights out of seven together, and he calls you crying whenever he needs a pep talk, he still has not changed his status from "single" to "In a relationship." I know this sounds cliche, but it's a big one -- if you ask him to do it and he comes up with reasons why he can't. He might say he's a "private" person and doesn't want anyone knowing his personal life. What he really means is that he doesn't want the various cute women he's friended knowing his personal life.

You don't know where he lives. While this seems laughable, it's actually pretty easy to fall into a routine of meeting strictly at one person's place -- especially if that person is closer to where the action is. Maybe he constantly comes up with brilliant excuses as to why you can't see his place, like his roommate is messy or a psycho. The real reason? He wants to be able to safely retreat there if you break up and have you not know how to find him!

Pregnant Kate Middleton and Old Wives Tales

So the Duchess of Cambridge is fully showing these days and the buzz is about whether it's a boy or a girl. I tried to predict Kim Kardashian's belly using the old wives method that says round tummies are girls and longer tummies are boys. But it seems there are many old wives.

Word from the Frisky says, when one carries a low pregnancy tummy, like Kate Middleton, it is going to be a girl. Nowadays, it's easy enough to find out the sex of the baby but some women and couples choose to wait like Kate Middleton.

So who knows of other old wives pregnancy predictions? For those who have had children, did you find out by scanning? If not, did you play guessing games and how did it turn out?

Dear Myne - I am Bisexual, Should I Get Married?

Hi Myne, I know this is not the type of mails you usually receive, and I hope you and your readers will not judge me. I will be 25 years old later this year, and I’ve been engaged for almost a year now to my wonderful fiance and we live together and are sexually active. We live in the UK. We were both born Christians but not really overly religious or anything, so that’s not a factor. However, he does not know about my sexuality, that is, that I'm also attracted to women.

When he proposed to me, I accepted it without thinking too much about it. I"ve done a lot of growing up in the past one year, I graduated Uni, we moved in together six months ago, now I understand more what it means to make a lifetime commitment. Don't get me wrong, I love my fiance very much. He’s my best friend and knows me better than anyone else.  He would make an incredible husband as we get along very well and rarely fight.. But at the same time, I don’t feel I should go ahead and get married to him, especially if he doesn't know I'm bisexual.

How do I know I'm bisexual? I'm sure some people reading can guess. It is the usual, I went to an all girls boarding school in Nigeria and before I completed secondary school, I had two female lovers. The first was a senior who taught me all about it. I won't say she corrupted me because I was already sexually attracted to some other girls in my school before she made her move. The second was my classmate, we drifted together, or I toasted her, and we were together till we graduated. We lost contact when I moved to the UK.

POLL - What is your Love Language?

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book titled The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts and it became and still is, one of the go to books for counselling couples on how to keep their relationship fresh and nurtured. The love languages go both ways, the ones you like to receive and the ones you like to give.

Adventures of a Miss!! Episode 9

I’m all sorts of confused right now, ok let me run this through my head again. Ok, Bolaji saw Zainab and Kola kissing, asked her why she was kissing another man. Yes that happened; I rub my head while trying to remember exactly what I saw. Then Zainab started crying begging Bolaji but she was calling him baby. Then she asked Kola to leave, tried to kiss Bolaji but he resisted after the kiss had gone on for about 10 seconds.

He asked her gently to stop and said they would talk later because Muhammad was inside the house. I am not sure what to make of this scenario; there are two things that are baffling me. Why is Zainab calling my fiancée baby and why does she think she can kiss him? It means that they have definitely kissed before. My mind is painting me so many pictures of Bolaji and Zainab in every compromising situation and it just gets me more and more upset.

Ok, I’ll run through it one more time; Ok I was hiding trying to text Dele while watching Semi explain to him that I had a family emergency. Zainab walks in with Kola, I figured it won’t be long before she runs into Muhammad. I’m walking back towards the house when I hear Bolaji ask Zainab why she’s kissing Kola, then they end up kissing. This is what I have been doing in my head for the past hour while watching Bolaji and his interactions with Zainab.

An Easy Way To Soften Naturally Kinky Hair

By Chioma Iwunze-Ibiam

I wish I’d learned about the wonders of apple cider vinegar much earlier. All those years of groaning about hard it is to manage natural kinky hair would have been different. Last week, after I’d watched a How To Grow Beautiful, Softer and Shinier Hair video on Youtube, I decided to do something different.

First, I went to a department store. I bought 50cl of honey, 50cl of Aqua Rapha yogurt  and a bottle of Safari apple cider vinegar (and the ACV was so cheap. It cost less then N200 naira).  And I made my own conditioner.

First, I put a glop of yogurt in a cup. Then, I added a few spoons of honey, two tea spoons of apple cider vinegar, one table spoonful of mayonnaise (because it contains eggs and vegetable oils) and two spoonfuls of my Henna deep conditioner. I whisked these into a thick paste and proceeded to shampoo my hair. Again, I had put a few drops of the apple cider vinegar into my bucket of water.

Then, I parted my very think full head of hair and proceeded to wash and rinse. I wrapped a towel round my wet hair, just long enough to get excess water off my hair, before I brought in my homemade conditioner.

A Sex Manual For Beginner Couples

Missionary Position

The title of the book is the "Newlywed's Guide to Physical Intimacy" and it was written by Jewish Rabbi and sex therapist, Dvid Ribner with Orthodox researcher Jennie Rosenfeld. The manual "starts with the very basics - explaining, for example, how the body shape of men and women differs". According to the author, "Judaism regards sex as something positive, but it has become taboo to discuss it openly," which reminds me a lot of the Nigerian cultural and religious stand on sex. According to the BBC,

Ultra-Orthodox boys and girls are educated separately, and have little interaction with the opposite sex until their marriage night, when they are expected to consummate their union.

Physical touch with the opposite sex - even something like a handshake - is only permitted with one's spouse and close family members. Access to films and the internet is often restricted.

"We wanted there to be a place where people could say, 'I know nothing and I want to know something,'" says Ribner.

"Sex is only appropriate within a marital context," he says. "Beyond that it's not talked about. Because of that, it's become very difficult for people to have any kind of dialogue about it."

Different Seasons of Marriage - A Nigerian Perspective

By Yetty Williams

Most people are aware of and have all read about the seasons of marriage and many times it is linked to the seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. The different seasons have their different characteristics and it is helpful to know what season you are currently going through in your marriage to determine what you need to do to maintain the season, get out of it or improve the outcome of the season.

Generally speaking we can agree on some common factors which are that Spring means a season of fresh or new love, eyes are starry and there is such promise for the future and love (perhaps more idealistic than realistic) is at the height. Summer is when your love is comfortable and relaxed, perhaps even heating up. Everyone is happy in the summer and you are generally in a happy place.

Fall will be when your love needs some tending so that all the branches don’t fall off in true “Fall” fashion. It can be beautiful in some parks during the fall when all the various hues of leaves have fallen on a pile, kids particularly like to kick and play in the fallen leaves. So even in fall there can be some enjoyment of the season. Lastly in the winter season the marriage can get chilly, but also if tended you can enjoy lots of cuddling moments to keep yourself warm. It doesn’t have to be an icy time.

Watch Araromire - The Figurine by Kunle Afolayan Free Online

They say good things come to those who wait. I watched Araromire on the HiBuzz app in December 2011 after making a payment of $7 in October and enduring a couple of months of the site's technical issues. Now Aroromire is free on youtube for all those who have been waiting for it, and some of us who can't wait to see it again.

The movie is one of the two best Nigerian movies - the other is Ije [review] - I've seen in the past couple of years. This is one of the reasons other Nollywood directors have a lot of work to do to catch up, this movie is amazing. The actors are on point, the story twists and trips keeps you guessing and tense for most of the film and the end is a very satisfying. From the blurb;

Araromire is neither good nor evil; for anyone that comes in contact with her shall flourish for seven years and for another seven years that follows, Araromire becomes wrathful, unleashing terror and destruction on whoever has her in custody.

While serving at a National Youth Service Corps camp, two friends find a mystical sculpture in an abandoned shrine in the forest, and one of them decides to take the artwork home. Unknown to them, the sculpture is the same from the Yoruba goddess Araromire.