Adventures of a Miss!! Episode 10

Bolaji: “Please promise me you’ll listen before fighting me, Toke, please.” He looks sincere but this is not the time to be deceived because of looks. I want to hear what he has to say and I just hope he’s not getting ready to tell me a load of bull crap.

Me: “Bolaji I said I am listening” I emphasized the listening so he knows all I want to proceed from his mouth is an explanation for why he was kissing Zainab. “I promise I won’t fight you, I’ll only listen but you better be ready to answer any subsequent questions I may have”. I walk over the bar stools that lead into the kitchen and take a seat.

Bolaji: “Ok, Zainab and I met 8 years ago in London; it was during my final year in Uni. We met at a club you know, her friend was dating a good friend of mine at the time and it was his birthday. I bought her a couple of drinks and the short story is that we had sex that night and it continued for about 6 months until I moved back to Nigeria after graduation.

We weren’t dating, as a matter of fact I think she had someone she was talking to at the time, but with us it was strictly for the physical. I had no intention of dating her; as a matter of fact I had no intention of being with anyone at the time. Fast forward to 3 years ago when Muhammad found me on Facebook, we met up chatted about life and then he showed me a picture of his new bride of barely a month and it turns out to be Zainab. I didn’t tell him immediately that Zainab and I had a fling in the past because I didn’t want to destroy their home and I was not sure what stories Zainab might have told him.

No Condoms, No Sex

One of the decisions any one who is sexually active has to make is what to use for protection against STIs and pregnancy. Condom is usually the simplest choice, though sometimes a few people allow either embarassment or shame prevent them from stocking up. The women think it's for the men to sort out, after all, they want sex more and will be the ones to use the condom. The men leave it for the women to take care of, after all they're the ones who'll get pregnant, right? At the end no one has a condom and it is time to do the do, what happens then?

Damiel Ademinokan has produced this wonderful short film titled No Jersey, No Match on this issue. One thing I appreciate is when a thematic movie uses very creative story telling to pass its message rather than have someone talking like they're on a pulpit. In that sense, this movie is one of the best didactic short films I've seen, perfectly scored, good acting, good writing, all the good stuff. Enjoy, and if you're sexually active, always have your condoms on stand-by :)

Throw Back Thurday - Bringing the Sexy

This was about 5 years ago. I was already living in the UK and traveled to Nigeria for vacation. Like someone said in the last tbt post, my youngest sister who had just entered university then said, Myne, you're always very serious and formal. I know you're older than me, bla...bla...bla... but come let me show you how to let your hair down."

I already had the dress, which I often wore as a top to tights or jeans, the shoes, accessory and the hair. But she provided the makeup and put it all together. At the photographer's studio, she provided moral support as the guy reeled out model instructions - "head to the side, strut it, flaunt it, head up, hands bent, etc."

I love you sis, and I can honestly say, this was the picture that got Atala across seven oceans and seas to come get me. #trueword. Since then, I know it's quite important to sometimes not be so grown up and serious. You can also either be young and carefree, or you can bring the sexy!

Confused Girl… Are You Ready For Marriage?

This is a response to Confused Girl's mail to Myne.

Are you ready for marriage?

Okay, brace yourself… NOPE! You not ready!!! Oh by the way, there is nothing wrong with that, marriage is an enormous step to take in life, so make sure you don’t feel bad at all!  And it appears it is a combined case of the normal pre-marriage hesitations, as well as you having two additional complications, your bisexuality AND his plans to move back to Nigeria so soon.

Some sweet but tough love.

Okay now you know when people typically say: He is my perfect companion, or She is my soul mate  or we were made for each other…Not true at all. Are you old enough to know the Whispers classic song: And the beat goes on? As the Chorus goes: “…just like fishes in the ocean, they'll  always be someone new…”

So if the relationship ends, eventually, you BOTH will and should certainly be able to move on to equally happy, rewarding and fulfilling relationships with somebody else. Why? Well I do not believe in the concept of a perfect match, meaning only ONE person out there that was meant for you. I do however believe in the perfect TYPE of person or group of people out there that would be the most ideal for you. Hence if you miss one person who appears to be the ideal match, there is most certainly another out there within your ideal group that will meet and possibly even beat what you feel is only available to you in your current fiancé. I have personally experienced this. And I am willing to bet there are others out there who did not marry that “ideal” one person, but today are in a great marriage with somebody else.

15 Simple Romance Tips for Busy Couples

By Seyi Obasi

Has your spouse complained recently that you haven’t been spending enough time together? Have they complained that you aren't as romantic and attentive as you used to be? Or have you felt some distance slowly building up between you two?

I completely understand. I have a full time job and my husband is a banker, so you can imagine how difficult it must be for us to spend time together. And it’s easy to become a bit complacent after a while and just get too busy for romance.

Personally, I used to spend time shopping for love cards for my husband, planning weekend getaways and dates nights back in the early days of our marriage. My husband was equally romantic and reciprocated with his own brand of romantic gestures. I really enjoyed being on the receiving end of all that romance and attention.

But that was a long time ago. After ten years of marriage, conflicting schedules and our many roles in life (especially as parents to three bubbly children), we have been experiencing some "dry patches" in our marriage lately. Lack of communication, not spending quality time together, busyness and fatigue have lulled us into a state of I-have-no-time-for-romance.

In a recent counseling session, I and my husband were told to do everything we could to break through our excuses and bring the romance back using a unique approach: Simple Romance.

The Wife Diaries - Episode Three

I shrieked, pulled the trench coat tightly over my breasts and took the stairs up, two or three at a time. I flung open our bedroom door and ran straight to the bed to hide under the sheets until the humming in my ears ceased. I was so embarrassed!

As I lay under the covers basking in my utter humiliation, feeling sorry for myself and wondering what my husband was thinking, I heard the door crack open slowly.

“Babe..?” My husband said quietly from the door. “You okay?”

I shook my head and brought it up to look at him. He was standing just inside the door, a worried expression with a slight hint of amusement sat on his face. He peered at me curiously and his lips shook as he tried to bite back a laugh.

I sank back under the covers and cringed.

I felt the bed sink low as he came to sit next to me and rub my side through the covers.

“So um…care to explain what just happened down there?”

“No…” I whined.

“well, Felix thinks you’re hot…”

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's Americanah in Nigeria

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's Americanah will be released in Lagos on April 27 at Terra Kulture, VI. The book itself is already on sale in major Nigerian bookstores. The poster shows the book tour schedule. I know some of you guys in Lagos will be all over this.

Date Night Movie Review - Tyler Perry's Temptation

Tyler Perry's Temptation follows the life of a newly married couple, Judith and Brice. Judith works at a matchmaking firm; Brice is a pharmacist. Things are just about OK with them, but one day Judith has to work with Harley, a very rich entrepreneur. Harley makes it clear that he is very interested in her, and she begins to wonder whether she's really getting all she wants from her relationship with Brice.

Myne's Review - I know this review is coming so late, but it's been very busy around these parts. I gave a quasi review in this post earlier about a particular sex scene in the movie. I wasn't a big fan of the movie, I have to confess, and preferred Good Deeds over it. But Temptation had its good sides. Kim Kardashian played a version of herself named Ava, and she was actually pretty good.

Vanessa Williams lit the room whenever she appeared on screen, and she had a funny French accent though she lost it quickly enough when circumstances called for it. The other actors were just OK, but they were all very good looking people, Lance Gross almost set the screen on fire in one of his bathroom scenes, black is beautiful o :)

Atala's review - When I saw the trailer for "Tyler Perry's Temptation", I was quite eager to watch the movie, because the theme of personal conflict appealed very much to me. Also, I quite liked Tyler Perry's "Good Deeds", so I thought I would enjoy this too.

Love and Immigration - Nigerian Woman in the UK Attempts Suicide to Avoid Deportation

Micheal and May Brown

May Brown is a Nigerian woman who is currently in a coma after attempting suicide by drug overdose pending a deportation order by the UK immigration services. May moved to the UK from Nigeria three years ago and is a student of public affairs at Weymouth College.

She met her husband Michael Brown 12 months ago and they got married last December. However, her request was denied despite that she had a valid student visa and was married to a British National. Her husband, Mr Brown said the UK Border Agency officials believed their marriage to be a ‘sham’ with no ‘emotional attachment’.” He however insists, as does his mother, that their marriage is real.

Now the report wasn't clear on when May Brown applied for asylum in the UK, whether it was before or after her marriage. But after her application was rejected, she was due to be deported in a matter of days. May Brown was so distressed at the prospect of returning to Nigeria that she took a drug overdose and is currently in intensive care.

Confused Girl… On Being Attracted to Women

This is a response to Confused Girl's mail to Myne.

My dear lady, I read your dilemma with interest and find that rather than simply send you a one paragraph response, you require a well thought out and unbiased response to your dilemma. What I like to do is look at your situations from a variety of perspectives and then you get to decide what to do and how to move forward to deal with your situation.

And of course you actually have TWO unrelated problems rolled into one. I hope you realize that. Lets deal with one at a time. 

On your bisexuality

Let us start from the religious aspect. You are likely to get a number of responses from many Nigerians condemning your actions and behavior. This is not wrong, but is due to the fact that a large segment of Nigerians in and out of Nigeria remain strongly religious. As you have said this not an issue in your relationship, (but it could be, more on that possibility later). I suggest don’t take those critics too seriously, not that they are not to be heard, or might offer bad advice, but I believe to each his / her own. If you don’t hold / share those Christian perspectives and beliefs then you need not worry about them, or be held to them. And no, there is no demon or devil chasing you either! :) No one should not foster their beliefs on you, unless you are willing to freely embrace them.

Secondly, any true Christian will have only one line of advice for you. Go and find some solution or deliverance to your “problem” of bisexuality.  You can then of course freely and happily get married to your fiancé. However, if your fiancé is one who will intend to become more religious after marriage, (this tends to happen to many couples as they go on to have kids and realize they want their kids to have some religious structure in their lives). You might also want to consider that factor as you decide what to do next.