Paul Okoye and the Paternity Issue

I wrote about the news of Paul Okoye's first child outside of marriage last month, asking why it seems so common among young Nigerians that young ladies get pregnant before marriage. But getting pregnant and going ahead to marry or continue a relationship with your man is a different matter from carrying your baby to term and being abandoned by the father.

Recent news as reported by Sahara Reporters suggest that this may be the situation Elshama Igbanoi finds herself in with Paul Okoye.

A few weeks after welcoming his first new born baby in Atlanta, P Square – who is also known as P2 – had another baby delivered for him in a London hospital by a former beauty pageant contestant. However, this time, P Square has refused to claim paternal responsibility for the baby boy.

Our sources said the new mother had been in touch with P2, but he had not been forthcoming beyond telling her that he plans to arrive in London for a DNA test to ascertain paternity. SaharaReporters spoke to the woman’s father, Benson Igbanoi, in Abuja. Mr. Igbanoi stated that his daughter was faithful to the musician. He also revealed that he had sent several emails to P Square concerning his daughter’s pregnancy for him, but had received no response.

Guess What The Hairy Snail is?

I have received dozens of messages on Facebook, Twitter and Email about my posts on oral sex, from calling my Nigerianness, faith or respectability in question, to giving or asking me more details on how to give good head, but I did not find any of them as funny as this twitpic someone RT to me on Twitter.

Indeed, it seems Nigerians, and even traditional types speaking in their local language, do know what oral sex is, even if they use a different vocabulary for it. The picture above is a screen grab from a Yoruba movie with subtitles. Let's overlook for a moment the way the actors are dressed, the whole hairy snail business, idk, but it got me choking on my drink, in a fun way sha, lol...

Who has heard that before, it was my first time :)

Marriage and the Age Question - Chris Brown and Rihanna

Chris Brown brought up the age and marriage question [see post - Ideal age to get married] when answering questions about his relationship with Rihanna. He said to 2dayFm,

“The way I look at it is… I’m always going to love that person, but people have differences, and people have different wants and needs.”
“At the end of the day she’s a young girl. I can’t really be focused on wife-ing somebody that young… and I’m young too.”
“I just got to step forward and be a man and be the best Chris Brown I can be instead of worrying about whoever else is going to be in my side pocket.”

Chris Brown is 24 and Rihanna is 25. I am of the opinion that he has a point, but after seeing Rihanna during her interview with Oprah, I think she's much more mature than most women her age, and it does seem she's ready to get married. Chris, maybe not so much.

What To Do When Your Husband is a Serial Cheater

This was the email I sent in reply to the lady who sent the Dear Myne - I don't know the man I married. I decided to share it here so others may read. Also, she needs names or contact details of sex addiction or couple and marriage therapists in the Lagos area. Thanks.

Each mail I get is sad, but this must be one of the most touching. I love and believe in marriage and it always breaks my heart to know some of us are sailing in rough waters. And this is even more touching because of your pregnancy. I really care and I wish I was there to give you a hug.

I will publish this tomorrow. On my part, I will say do not be so quick to think of divorce, especially for the sake of the baby. And from your story, this is the verified first time you have caught on to his cheating. It's unfortunate that it's so massive.

Ways forward - have an in-house separation coupled with counselling. This means that though you both continue to live together, there will be some things you don't do as a married couple. No more sex, and cut back on your outings together. And to be sure you're not punishing him, please talk a lot. It is clear you care for him so tell him that and ensure he understands that you want to work on the marriage to be better, and for him to find healing and peace.

Dear Myne - My Girlfriend is Tied to Her Mother's Apron Strings

Hi Myne, I'm in a little of a problem and need advice. I am ready to get married and I've been dating a friend for about 7mths. She's been supportive and we click in most issues but I'm not sure I want to be with her anymore. She can't cook and at 30 is still tied firmly to her mom's apron strings. She can't make 1 decision without consulting her mom, explaining her mom feels left out if she doesn't consult her.

I think that if I marry her, I would get irritated very soon and cheat, either because another woman offers good food or because "my wife's" mom's hold exists through the marriage. Also, my girlfriend had a little roue reputation. I wasn't really bothered about that. But will I, one day?

A Traditional Igbo Intercultural Wedding

I came across this wedding photos and simply loved them. The lady is Igbo, Kelechi ‘Kecci’ and her groom is Sander. They got married the Nigerian traditional way and she brought her hubby, friends and family to her home town in Umuagwo Eziudo, Imo State for the ceremony. I wish them an awesome married life.

The Date: Easter Sunday, March 31, 2013
Photographer: Temitope Ajayi
Makeup: Kemmy Shona
Stylist: Esther Uka

More pictures below...

What does a Couple's Sleeping Position Say about their Relationship?

Spoon with man outside

Following a study of the positions in which couples sleep, Corrine Sweet, a relationship expert spoke to HuffPo, and is of the opinion that a couple's sleeping habits can reveal stresses and strains within their relationship.

"Couples fall into habitual ways of sleeping together that suits their personalities and personal preferences. These are negotiated at the outset, so if something changes in how they sleep together, this can reflect a change in their relationship and cause concern for the other partner.

"Individual psychological states also affect how we sleep and the positions we sleep in, so if we are stressed we may be irritable, and not want to snuggle up with our partner. Arguments often lead to sleeping wide apart, as people feel loathe to touch. Women's temperatures rise with menstruation, so they may want to sleep less entwined during their 'time of the month’.”

Couple Love - David Oyelowo and Wife on the Red Carpet

David Oyelowo is a British actor of Nigerian ancestry. I've seen in several movies including Last King of Scotland, Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Jack Reacher. I was reading about him the other day and discovered that he is always on the red carpet with his wife of 15 years, with whom he has four children. He never misses taking her along for events. She is an actor also. So sweet.

Chimamanda Adichie on Americanah Lagos Tour

So who has attended any of the book readings Chimamanda has given in Lagos over the past couple of weeks? I saw a TV interview where the presenters weren't very prepared and which made the interview come across as a rehash of others I've seen. I was reading an article about it and came across the following that I wanted to share;

Adichie describes herself as looking "at the world through Nigerian eyes," but she doesn't hold back on criticizing its culture that fosters widespread government corruption. Or what she perceives as the excessive, neutered politeness of "political-correct language" in the U.S.

"Nigeria wasn't set up to succeed, but the extent of its failure is ours. It's our responsibility," she said. "This country is full of so many intelligent people, so much energy, so much potential, so why are we here?"

That kind of truth telling isn't exactly welcome, even in a democratic Nigeria. Speaking Saturday night at a book signing, Adichie drew laughter and a few nervous looks from organizers by describing President Goodluck Jonathan as "not a bad guy, he just seems like he's floundering and has no clue."

What are your thoughts?

Movie Review - Last Flight to Abuja

Last Flight to Abuja came out last year. It was trailed as a cinematic Nollywood movie - meaning that its production values were supposed to be much higher than your run-of-the-mill Nollywood movie; so much better that it was suitable for showing in cinemas. The assumption is that this also means that it is better and much more watchable than your average Nollywood movie. [Watch Last Flight to Abuja online]

Atala's Review - As it turned out, some aspects of Last Flight to Abuja were much better than what you would normally find in a Nollywood movie. The sound, music score and cinematography were much better - quite good, in fact. But unfortunately, it takes much more than this to make a good movie, and in other areas, the movie was sadly lacking.

One big deficiency for me was the acting. I usually have quite a low bar in this regard, but the vocal delivery of many of the actors was too wooden stilted for me to ignore. Then the graphics that were used in the film made it quite obvious that the flight scenes they were supposed to depict were not real. I wouldn't have minded if it had just been one or two scenes, but again, these were used so pervasively, especially towards the end of the movie - that I found it as hard to ignore as the high-pitched whine of a mosquito.

The plot, always a key consideration for me, had its good sides. I liked the idea melding of the various storylines of the passengers on the eponymous flight. I also felt that the non-linear narrative worked quite well, although it took a bit of getting used to. And the final scenes on the flight were satisfyingly dramatic.