The Burden of an Unhealthy Marriage by Nena Ndioma

My former husband came over to my place about a week ago for a ten-day visit. He hadn’t seen the children in almost two years. My sister thinks I’m crazy to let him stay at my place during this visit. She’s convinced I need therapy to help me figure out why I have this need to be so ‘nice’ to my ex-husband.

"I don’t think I’m being ‘nice’ though, necessarily," I say to my sister. "I’m just being ‘me.’"

This divorce thing is new for me and new for him. If there’s a manual on how to do it ‘right,’ I haven’t read it yet. I’m just taking things one day at a time and doing what feels right to me at any given time.

When the marriage was in the throes of death (we were informally separated at the time), things got to a point where it became critical for me to have him find his own accommodation when he visited the children. Back then, I really didn’t like the sort of person I had become as a result of the downward spiral of the marriage. I had become a master sleuth.

My Afang Soup Recipe with Okazi and Spinach

This was my first time of cooking Afang soup, ever, and I'm very happy at how it turned out. On one of our irregular trips to the African store, I picked up Utazi for my Nsala and when I saw a dried vegetable pack labelled Okazi, I also picked it up. I knew it was used in Afang soup, I had eaten it before and remembered it was a bit similar to Edika Iikong soup. I had made the latter before and thought, hey, I can make Afang with that recipe too.

To give kudos to whom it is due though, this would have been a disaster if not for coming across Eya's Afang recipe post before I made my soup. She mentioned that her Afang was pounded/ground. I was confused, but almost overlooked it. Her Afang was fresh and leafy, while mine was dry, store-packed and already cut. Still, that stuck.

Thank God for the internet. When I was ready to make mine, I googled ground Afang, and up popped some other Nigerian recipe sites. One specifically mentioned that when you buy dry, cut, store-packed Afang, you had to soak it in hot water for at least an hour, and then blend like a smoothie. And so the cooking began, with my adapted recipe below...

On the 10 Commandments to (Single) Women

I agree with a lot of what has been listed which seems directed to single women. My thoughts on each commandment below...

1. Dont be in a hurry to move out of ur parents house.
Depends. If you live and work in the same city as your parents, AND they are respect you as an adult woman, it makes sense to live with them and save your money. If there are better job or study opportunities elsewhere, or your parents keep treating you like a child at 30, then move. You can seek out flatmates that share your values if you're not comfortable living alone.


2. Dont wait for a man before you start living. You can live a fulfilled life as a single woman.
She nails this one. I doubt this can be said often enough. As much as I am a romantic and believe firmly in marriage at the right time and to the right person, I agree that fulfilment lies in the individual, and so even when you're single, you can take joy and pride in your life and set goals that give you a sense of accomplishment along the way.

Love and the Confusion of Persistence by Atala

I recall a conversation I had with someone I know about how she met her husband. According to her, she was rather dismissive of him, and it didn't look like she would give him a second chance. But fortunately for him, he persisted - and she ended up seeing something in him which she obviously didn't see the first time. Whatever she saw, she must really have liked, because they're now married.

The conversation did make me wonder about the virtues of persistence. Should a man should be persistent or not in chasing a woman? It's fair to say that "faint heart never won fair lady", as the saying goes, and as the experience I relate above indicates?

 However, persistence can shade into harassment if the woman has made it clear in no uncertain terms that she is not interested in the man. So the rules seem to be simple - chase, but if she says no, back off. Right?

Expected Birth Month out for the Royal Baby

Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting a summer baby. “Their Royal Highnesses, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are delighted to confirm they are expecting a baby in July,” said a statement released by the Palace on Monday, with Kate believed to be around 13 to 14 weeks pregnant.

The update confirms that Kate is expecting just one baby – after speculation that she might be carrying twins due to her extreme morning sickness. The statement also noted that Kate Middleton has largely recovered from the acute morning sickness, noting, “The Duchess’ condition continues to improve since her stay in hospital last month.”

Congratulations to the couple, I'm glad Kate is feeling better.

My First Homemade Two-Strand Twists

One way I have learnt to help my hair grow, apart from using hair grow products, is to put it in protective styles. I am one of those people who has a funny habit of picking at my hair, and it is worse when in an afro. My fingers seek out the tangles, multiple and single strand knots, and before I know it, break and pull off the hair. No one has to tell me this doesn't help so I usually put my hair in corn-rows.

But that was getting too repetitive, and my hair has now also become so long and full that breaiding it has become a arm-breaking chore. I had to find another way, and I did. Several blogs mentioned two strand twists and after watching my stylist do it a few times, and seeing some tutorial videos on Youtube, I decided to give it a try.

Two strand twists are surprisingly easy to pull off. After adding cream to two sections of hair, you twist them around each other till you get to the tips. If your hair is as curly as mine, the ends will hug each other and ensure the strands don't spring apart. The pictures are of my homemade twists after some days and I rocked them for a couple more weeks.

No Strings Attached Giveaway Hop

This giveaway is tagged "No strings attached" for a reason. You don't have to do anything to be eligible for the prize except leave your email in the comments. You can also simply say hi and leave out your details if I can contact you via your profile.

To flag things off, this is me saying hi. We've gone halfway through the first month of the New Year and I hope you've been having a good month so far? Whatever the case, here's to wishing everyone better days ahead. My prize may be limited in the sense that only my readers with blogs can benefit. I'm giving away a blog review and basic do-over for two winners. Good luck.

Other blogs in the hop are below;

Couple Love on the Golden Globes Red Carpet

Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy - Married

There were winners, there were near misses, and then there were the couples. Am I the only one who likes seeing couples on the red carpet? Whether married or dating, I think it's something worth noting when couples can show off their partners in public, and all other things aside, it shows pride in the relationship and that they consider each other to be their first cheerleaders. Some people also switched it up and brought their children or parents :)

Can the Domestic Nigerian Men Please Stand up?

Soon after A Heart to Mend came out, I blogged about a reader who felt Edward was too emotional, and how that made the book seen western, or Edward not Nigerian enough. In his opinion, real Nigerian men are not romantic nor do they show their emotions. I know this is a mindset many other people share, and I have heard it from both male and female readers of my novels.

Another generalization that is often made about the real or 'typical Nigerian man' is that he is not domestic. It is consistently shown and believed to be true beyond questioning that our country men do not, can not, and will not, help around the house. You see it in movies, read about it in books, and probably hear it in songs.

I cannot say I do not know where this is coming from, in my home growing up, the chores were shared by gender. Boys did the men-chores like washing the car and carrying heavy stuff, while girls did the cooking, cleaning and taking care of the babies.

Lekki Wives - TV Show or the Moral Police

Lekki Wives is a new series produced and directed by Blessing Effiom Egbe, the producer of “Two Brides and a Baby” which I haven't seen, but whose other romantic comedies I have liked in the past. When I first heard the title, I thought it was going to be a reality TV series, in the mold of the "Wives" of USA - Basketball Wives, Hollywood Ex-Wives, Real Housewives of wherever, etc. but that is not the case. It is a scripted drama comedy series, more like Desperate Housewives.

Lekki wives is touted to "highlight the lives and antics of five women who live in the highbrow, posh Lekki area of Lagos and is a true reflection of the modus operandi of many wealthy, fashionable and “happening’ women who call it home." Lekki wives stars Kiki Omeili, Adaora Ukoh, Katherine Edoho, Keira Hewatch, and Chinomnso Young as the main characters.

The series producers say they aim to teach, inform and at the same time, entertain viewers with the show. I have seen the preview and the first thing I notice is the clean camera work, the interior settings are also very well designed and colored. However, I'm not too sure about some of the storylines in there, they seem to want to shock and push the envelope. At the same time, it could work if done well.