When I was younger I wished I was as beautiful as any Miss World, but with age, I realized that we all have our unique peculiarities and that beauty was no buffer to difficulties or heartache. Or what do you say to someone in the situation below where her beauty has become a thorn in her flesh?
Hi Myne. I read your blog most times. There's just one issue that has been bothering me.I will like you to post it in your blog, maybe suggestions from people might help. I am a lady in my early twenties, a christian and quite old fashioned and very reserved. I know am beautiful,but at times the compliments from guys gets annoying. when i get to meet them, they just can't stop talking about how pretty I am.
A young pastor that that was asking me out once told me, he just could not resist the temptation of talking to me and all that, {and this makes me wonder and worry that, how did i tempt him? i so hate provocative dressing, and i don't even believe in flaunting any part of my body...the last thing i would ever do is to make a man fall into sin}.
The most disguisting part is the way some tend to stare at my breasts {I am busty}, even in church. When I am talking to some guys, i sometimes feel like slapping them because the eyes are fixed on my chest.
There's this guy that has been asking me out for over a year, he's a great guy, but the only thing holding me back is the way he can't stop talking about my looks, I sometimes feel that's the only thing he likes.
And i sometimes worry that a man may just marry me for my looks, it leaves me wondering that what if i get old and don't look the same. it's really keeping me from dating and at times, i feel am just been too hard on myself, i really don't know.
Hi,
ReplyDeleteYou have what many would call a 'good problem' - but I appreciate that it is still a problem to you.
A few things:
Men aren't going to stop staring at you or remarking on your beauty, so if I were you, I would learn to deal with that either by ignoring it altogether or letting the offender know how uncomfortable you feel if it is too annoying (I'm guessing that you are probably doing this already).
As to how to figure out whether someone who loves you is in love with just your body, I think that you are right to be concerned about that. But I don't think this should put you off dating, as long as you can spot when someone is too focused on your beauty. I would also add that if you like the person, again, you can let them how their 'obsession' makes you feel uncomfortable; how would they feel if you kept on admiring their earlobe, for example? If they really are the real deal, they will respect your feelings and try to mute their 'attention'.
Good luck in your search - I hope you eventually find the 'one'.
I guess you're one of those people that have the "mermaid" beauty. A sight for sore eyes. People just cant help but stare. (i would stare if i saw you) lol
ReplyDeleteI can understand why you are worried. You have to get over it, and date someone you like. cos it might just be that they are intimidated when they are with you and seem to only want to compliment the obvious.
If it turns out he is just in it for your beauty just to have a trophy wife you will know eventually and leave him.
Men will not stop staring at your breasts get used to it (I am a 36j, i would know) i just had to suck it up. U do the same and enjoy what God has given you.
I agree with your comment. So 36j? I'm a straight woman and i would stare too *covers face*
Deletelol
Deletewow 36J.. i consider my self busty at 36DD..but i i get away with it because i invest in good bras.. i wouldn't stare though cos i hate being stared at.I remember growing up and male friends would just decide to hug me for no reason :) really upsetting so i can certainly relate honestly... i believe that if she takes one step at a time without being paranoid she would find the one, beauty is gift jare don't bother you will get many offers , just pray for wisdom to recognize the right one who of course would be thrilled to have a pretty and busty wife :)
DeleteI can relate. I am 24yrs old and a strong christian sister that still carries virgin hair. From my description you should know that I don't do make-up nor sexy cloths. Once a man nearly had an accident simply because he was starring at me! I am also busty and had the misfortune of a Pastor smooching my breasts. I even resorted to wearing baggy clothes but it didn't stop the looks from coming. I then convinced myself that if I dress properly and a man lusts after me, it's his problem not mine. You should know that 1) You are beautiful 2) Men are visual creatures. Don't let your beauty define you; prove to people that you have brains too that way you'll earn more respect from men that want to take advantage of you. As for a relationship I'll advise that you settle for a man who sees the real you. The you that the world does not see; the you that can be hurt and silly. If a man is not your friend then you are probably better off without that kind of man. Enjoy your beauty dear. Just so you know it doesn't stop with age, My Mum who is 53 still gets the looks! lol
ReplyDeleteI agree with this...
DeleteI have always thought it's easy for a gurl to know if a guy is interested in her.Yeah,the looks you're blessed with would attract guys,but if you're attentive enough,i bet you'd be able to tell the guy who likes you for something other than your beauty.One reason why guys use the "You're very beautiful" line is because women are very particular about their looks and affirming them always makes them feel good and confident.You,my dear,have no problem,just be attentive and you'd know who loves you for reasons other than the fact that you're strikingly beautiful.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you should ask the man directly what he likes about you and hang out with him a bit to find out if he really likes you for you and not just your looks. Its not bad for him to like you for your looks because that is the initial thing that will attract him to you then eventually as he gets to know you he will appreciate other sides to you and since he is just getting to know you i think it is unrealistic to believe he will like you for more than your looks when you havent hung out and gotten to know each other better.
ReplyDeleteI like that this from a man, makes a lot of sense.
DeleteI agree totally...ask him what he likes about you and get to know him a bit.
DeleteThis is an interesting dilemma. I think a lot of people assume life is easy for "the beautiful people" but things like this is a real concern. I think you should learn to accept that you will most likely always attract such behaviour from men. Learn to look at the person's intentions and their heart. It's ok for a man to admire your beauty but they should also bring something else to the table. Pray and ask God for the power of discernment. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYou fine problem, you no fine problem.
ReplyDeleteI think she should try and engage him more by their fruit you will know them abi? e.g. Do they have mutually enjoyable conversations about normal things or are the sexual undertones too strong?
And to be honest sometimes it may be the lady's fault. If you feel your beauty is a problem you may be consciously or unconsciously projecting it and misinterpreting men's words and looks. So check yourself first.
Lol@ you fine problem, you no fine problem..so true!
DeleteI dont know what to say.
DeleteYea I agree with Ginger. For me, growing up, I learnt early how to deal with excessive compliments. You don't have to be rude about it but its a grace you acquire as you grow. @ a time I secretly wished I was not so pretty cos people don't get to see 'you' they only see your pretty face.
DeleteMy dear, live your life normally and make sure you don't develop any complex. And yes! Pretty people do have esteem issues too.
Hahaha this your problem sha o, lol
ReplyDeleteI honestly think that it should not deter you from dating. On the contrary, you should go out on dates with guys as often as possible (I no say make you become ashawo o) because you know what they say about experience...
I've learned recently that after seeing so many 'wrong' options, when the right option comes, it will be easier to distinguish.
If you go on a date with guys who only stare at the double ds and you have to remind them 'hellur! My face is up here' then you need not go on a second date with them. But don't "block your destiny" because of the perversion of 'some' men my dear. And uhm... when you say your boobs are big how big are we talking? I'm not trying to be perverted lol.... I have big boobs too but usually people can't tell because I get the 'right' bras.
Goodluck fine gyal
One man's meat is another man's poison. Can i hear a silent complain here.
ReplyDeleteThank God for the gift of beauty.God made you beautiful for a purpose.
How you dress matters a lot, desist from provocative outfits.
Then try to devise ways in which your beauty will work for you rather than shy away from it.
I'm not sure what kind of a personality you have or what else about you project about yourself. You might not even be actively projecting your looks, but when there is nothing else to stimulate the people you are interacting with that's what they will focus on (that also comes with them not knowing you well enough) I cringe when complimented sometimes, especially by guys i hardly know. I have a strong/somewhat outgoing personality, but most people who know me well, although they will agree that i "look good" will most likely say i'm funny or smart or something else besides my "beauty". I am weary/suspicious of guys who can only compliment me on my looks in an effort to get to know me.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough, but if all you are is a pretty face - then that's all you'll get complimented on and that gets old as i'm sure that led you to write to Myne.
I think you're being too harsh on the poster. I don't think its her fault that men cant control themselves.
DeleteI disagree, she's not being too harsh...what i understand from what she's saying is that Fine girl should not become introverted because of the situation. She has to let her personality show else all people will see are her looks.
DeleteNice you know that a number of men are only carried for your beauty. Watch out for the one with true love.
ReplyDeletei am a 38DD i am so used to men talking to my chest it doesn't bother me anymore...
ReplyDeleteI dont see a problem in this actually. If you're still young, and like you said, a Christian, then wait on God for who He has for you. That young man would fuse less about how you look but how much God has brought you into his life to make sense of it.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
- LDP
I totally understand this plight. Most people will consider it a blessing, but still...
ReplyDeleteI worry about one of my sisters who is exceptionally beautiful,No one can see past her looks.She is always in the spot light, it can get daunting.People like her will never know if they are loved for their looks alone. When they happen to make good everyone believes they did that by their looks. No one expects them to be smart. Has any one imagined what beautiful women go through daily? Every idiotic eye is on them, and every moron wants to ask them for a date. Imagine these happening everyday. All lecturers want to sleep with them, employers wants to see them naked before appointment, preachers cant resist...
I totally understand
Please enjoy your life while you are still hot. After some years, you may regret it in a big way. Your prayer should be never to eventually fall for a pretender who would use and dump you.
ReplyDeleteRespect a man that is bold enough to say what wants in you. A quiet cruel man may make your life hell.
I feel that it is normal when the first attraction is your physical beauty, and men are very visual. Though we take offense when they compliment parts of our body. It is the way they think however, if that is all they can talk about which means every new topic somehow ends up with how beautiful your dress compliments your breast or how nice your eyes are then maybe he is a little more obsessed than the average man. You are right that we all have unique beauty qualities.
ReplyDeleteCelebrate it. Others have offered good advice. Don't because of being unsure, lose a good person. Get to know this person and then make a decision.We should not judge a book by its cover.
ReplyDeletehttp://tobechidaniel.blogspot.com/
haha i think she is being a bit ridiculous and overtly dramatic, Humans are naturally attracted to attractive people, no need to fret about guys being attracted to you, i could bet a million dollars that even though you are complaining about the woes of being pretty, you would not trade it to be unattractive but mentally stimulating.... your looks are a positive feature and attribute, it is only a problem if you see it as a problem.
ReplyDeleteI understand this ladies plight. D worst is wen pple assume you α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ dumb because u have a pretty face. When I got my internship placement after rigorous exam and screening, folks were asking ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥ "who do you know here cos I know you didn't come in on your own". Dear friend, make sure yoou don't develop any kind of complex because of your pretty face. And yes pretty faces still have esteem issues.
ReplyDeleteGet it straight and I will give it to you straight! Men are wired to respond to visual, that is, what their eyes can see. It does not make the man vain or only interested in your looks alone. When a beautiful woman walk pass even the Pope will look.....I remember sometimes ago when a Pastor told me that he went for a pastors conference and Baba Adeboye said, he too looks at a woman if she's really very beautiful and sometimes if he thinks it's becoming too much, he would plead the blood of Jesus....lol... At the end of the day, it is the motive that matters, some men will look just because they admire and not that they necessarily want to ask you out or date you. Meanwhile, even the one that really wants you will first be attracted by your looks. That's the truth because he's a man and there must always be a point of first attraction. Later, getting to now you, he will shift that focus to other great character traits that you have. For a woman, you are wired to respond to what you hear more than any other thing. That is why women always want to hear you confess and profess that undying love for them....the sweet talks get a woman's hair to stand up.....that's the truth and that's ow God created us all, male and female, so get use to it and go get your prince charming.
ReplyDeleteMy dear,i totally understand ur plight! Am a very pretty girl & sometimes i think my guy is only attracted 2me cos of my beauty though he has told me time without number that his attraction z beyond my looks & great body,so my dear relax... Its normal 4 guys 2 get attracted to ur looks bt don't let it get 2 ur head,its left 2 u 2 choose d right guy 4 u.
ReplyDeleteKudos!!