Do you have any love or relationship issue you're working through, and you want some input from some neutral people? I get these requests sometimes, and now I'm putting it out there in the open. Send an email to me (myne@mynewhitman.com) with the subject Dear Myne with details of the situation to help my readers discuss it and proffer suggestions and advice. You can be anonymous or you can say who you are, it's all up to you. I'm no psychologist, but maybe you'll get some clarity from the comments, and if asked, I will give a personal reply from my little experience.
Write For RML - if you have some articles, an opinion on the news, or any dating/romance topic, please feel free to send it, as well as personal stories of how romance meets your life, including your real love stories and tips on marriage. Where not sure of how to start or what to write, send me an initial inquiry and I will reply with more direct details. To be featured in the marriage avowals, there is a set pattern to the posts. Send me a request with the subject, Marriage Avowals, to receive the interview questions.
YAY! My story is there. Guess what ma? Thank God you posted that story. Now, its going to help with our application to NZ immigration soon :) God is good. Nothing just happens!
ReplyDelete- LDP
That's amazing news Samuel, I hope everything goes well for both of you. Thanks again for sharing.
DeleteHello Myne,
ReplyDeleteso nice coming across you for the first time. My name is Oke Greatman, a Nigerian with a flair for writing. I am writing my third book ' The Chronicles of Truth' Are you in a position to review my book and probaby do a recommendation of it to a publishing house? Would be glad to hear from you in the light of the above. To see a picture of me so as to alley any fear that i'm not real, kindly send me a friend's request on facebook. My Id is Don Okewax.
Ciao.
Oke Greatman
okegreatman@yahoo.com
Oke Greatman
Hi Oke, I'm not in a position right now to do that. Thanks for considering me. Cheers.
DeleteDear Myne,
ReplyDeleteI am such a dilema and very hurt. I am in my mid 20s and work as a researcher somewhere in Europe and was presenting at a conference this week. The lodging was in a flat with 2 guys ( the venue was a resort), I had my own room and so did the guys. However, after a trip to the city, one of the guys (non-Nigerian) had to do something in the city, leaving me with this other guy. I didnt think anything was amiss, we gisted, chatted and I told him I want to take a nap, so as to wake up to do some work. Somewhere in the night, I felt a movement around me and I saw this guy naked! I started screaming and he was asking that I stopped. I was so terrified. In my shock, I went into the patio and found a place to sleep. Called my boyfriend in the UK, and he was very angry and he asked me to walk the guy out of the apartment ( I could because, he was staying an extra night, based on his travel schedule. I made arrangement with my other colleague as a means of helping a brother from home). With my boyfriend on Skype video recording the events, I walked him out at 3,30am. I feel so disturbed that someone \i tried to help with accomodation could do this. Also, my bestie thinks I should report to the research consortium. But I feel bad, especially as they have a mindset about Nigerians already, and am trying to build a network between the institution and partners in Nigeria. I am so torn between reporting him and also protecting emerging opportunities for other Nigerians. Besides, he is young guy, barely in his 30s, newly married and new to the country. By reporting him, things might go quite south for him. My boyfriend thinks am crazy to be this considerate and he has said it is my 'over-niceness' that puts me in trouble. Do you think I should report him to the consortium and then the authorities. Moreover, he was just a guest, doesnt work with the consortium or live in the city. I am finding it so hard to work right now and the next few days are filled with deadlines. Myne, I need help, need to forget this incidence and focus on the work before me. My boyfriend thinks I should forget it especially as I woke up before he could achieve his aim. What do you think?
Hello dear, since he's not part of the consortium, my first suggestion is that you forgive him and forget it. My fear is that some rapists continue and harass or attack other people. Your BF is right that he did not succeed, and if he is apologetic, you may consider him. Also if you both belong to the same circles, you may talk to the pastor, or elders or mutual acquaintances he respects so they warn him seriously. Honestly, you have to do what your mind is comfortable with at the end of the day.
Deletehi Myne, please do you think you can add me to your blogslist? i asked you for the favour before but i have not received an answer from you.
ReplyDeletePlease kindly reply me. my blog is www.chiomaandy.com
thanks,
ps. i had already added your blog to my bloglist since the first time i commented on your blog when you changed your domain.
Sorry, Chioma, for the delay, it has been added now. Cheers!
DeleteThanks Myne, this has shown me that you indeed have a large heart. I won't forget the kind gesture. Thanks again
DeleteHello Myne, I don't mean to stir the nest, but can someone here tell me if oral sex (and all that stuff) is permissible in a good Christian marriage? I am in the process of getting married and this question has begun to nag seriously on my mind because I like to do wild things in the bedroom. I know because I am not a virgin, although I am now back in God's will and have been for a while. I can't ask this question in Church because I am not sure how it would be received. Very eager to hear what everyone here thinks of this and thanks in advance to everyone who'll give their opinion.
ReplyDeleteAdah, in my own little way, i will suggest you chip it in while discussing with your husband. Thats the essence of courtship; to talk about things that might affect your life together. You might be surprised that he will be in support.
Deletewhen it comes to the area of s*x in marriage, it is not for your church to tell you how to keep your man. You have got to study him and learn how to pleasure him. Although i am not married, I kinda know that this is one panacea to many broken homes.
Hope this adds to the professional and experienced advice that Myne would give you in a short while
Dear Myne,
ReplyDeleteI am an avid reader of your blog and find responses by readers quite insightful, maybe they can help with my dilemmas. Its in plural because they are more than one.
First is, I find it difficult to continue be emotionally engaged with people. I am not talking of sentimental love, but emotional engagement. Maybe I should clarify, people regard me as loving, nice and warm and they want to come near, but after awhile I feel drained. Even in a relationship, I get tired easily and just want to be alone. I have had 2 serious relationships and I can say they ended due to self-sabotage. After a while, I just want out, no matter how much I care about the person initially. I don’t think it is an age thing; I am presently 27 years of age.
Due to this, my relationships have been with close friends who sometimes are regarded as ‘not in your class’ by family and friends. And the question I ask is; what is this ‘my class thing’? I do not date low-lifes or abusers or miscreants. Just normal youngmen starting or building a career, maybe there is a certain expectation from family that I should be dating someone high-profile. This affect and upset me because 1. The first issue of emotional disengagement 2. When I feel connection to people, I just want to pursue that, to find maybe I can learn to love in a permanent way. Myne, am not demanding of gifts or attention. My exes are both still very good friends; the one question they ask me is; do you ever want to get married? The answer is yes of course..But, I guess my heart is protected by some gamma rays and laser beams.
Am an Orphan but I have a close knitted family with my siblings, so this is not the issue. No record of child abuse or molestation. I just feel this large hole within me and am trying to fill it. Oh! Am a committed Christian, so it is not about a needing Jesus thing. Maybe some emotional engagement with someone. Is this normal, does anyone ever felt this way?
i dont think you are having any problem, its just as the saying goes,"bring up a child in the way that he should go, and when he grows, he will not depart from it" i belive ur christian baackground has alot to play in this. i believe Your parents are those few good christians who took time to in bringing you up. kudos to them. for the emotional aspect of it all, i believe its just not time yet for you to be emmotionally involved. save those emotions for your better half. cheers.
DeleteDear Myne,
ReplyDeleteI hope you see this quickly and respond as soon as you can. Post it on your blog if possible cos i need other people to comment and advise me about this issue. I have been dating this guy for a while now. Quite frankly, its been a turbulent time for us both but especially for me. we have had serial arguments, quarrels, break-ups and every time we broke up i would swear it to be the last and even get to dating other guys but he always comes back and somehow we are still together. I think most of our issues have stemmed from the fact that we were raised differently, he being through and through yoruba and I igbo. Two weeks ago, he proposed to me and rather than being joyful, suddenly all my doubts rose to the surface. Although he is a good man and a believing christian which is important to me, there are some other things which bother me a lot. 1. He watches a lot of porn and masturbates. when i first found all the porn on his phone and even stumbled onto him watching some on his laptop at work, i overlooked it for a bit as men are known to do that sometimes but over time i then noticed that he was somewhat addicted to both and it was affecting him and us (he would hardly ever cum when we had sex amongst other issues)so i spoke to him about it. he has allowed me delete all the porn he stored on his phone (there were so many!) and has promised to change that aspect of him but i know how these things go and worry that a man who doesn't need his woman to satisfy his needs will not make a good husband. secondly, i also found out that he had been sending inappropriate messages to my bestfriend. i met him through the said best friend and the story is that before i moved to lagos, he had had a crush on her and had wanted to date her but she was married and so he dropped the issue. however, i had been sensing that he still had feelings for her which he would always deny and call me childish for raising. then a day after he proposed to me i was looking at his phone and found out that he had been sending her messages saying he still liked her, missed her, wanted to buy her lingerie and that with her by his side he could achieve anything (he even mentioned in one of the messages that she should please stop threatening to report him to me!) Of course i confronted him with this and he has apologised and said that said he would never do that again also explaining that all this had started the last time we broke up cause he felt that i was going to marry one of my other suitors and leave him and so he had gone to my friend for help since she introduced us and that had started the inappropriate conversations. as you can imagine, all this is not helping me at all. in fairness to him, all the issues we have had during our relationship the ones he could change he has changed or tried to adapt and he seems to be on the straight lately even praying with me all the time and stuff. I am under pressure from him to accept his proposal but i feel confused. what do i do?
Hello Anon, I have published your story and I hope the comments will help you put your thoughts in order. IMO, your BF may not be ready yet to settle down, and may need more time. You may either accept his proposal and give a long lead time to your wedding, or say no for now and watch to see when he is really done with other distractions. At this stage, I hate to say it but he might still pine and go after your friend even after marriage, since her own marriage doesn't seem to bother him. On the masturbation, I think that may be more easily handled with you more steadily in his life, praying about it, and maybe getting some counselling from your pastor.
DeleteAll the best. Myne
I just bump into this blog while surfing the net. I love writing but no encouragement from people around me so I stopped geting inspired to write . That was when I was a kid / teenager .But now am a mother my stories loooks a kinda childish but its original stories . Pls is there any book to guide writers you can recomm end to make my book lenghty . I really love writing cos my head is always busy making stories
ReplyDeletePlus I love ur website , infact I learnt to make chin chin with ur recipe . Thanks a million
ReplyDeleteThank you Christabel. Check out this link for writing guides you can use for free from online sources. http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2011/07/frequently-asked-questions-learning-to.html
DeleteDear Myne, I've got a question to ask. Is it okay to not have a BF as a teen? Most of my friends do and it makes me quite uncomfortable. Is anything wrong with me??
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with you. As a teenager, your primary focus should be your education and knowing yourself and what you want for your future. Do not be pressured by your friends, you can also try making new friends who believe the same things you do.
DeleteDear Myne,
ReplyDeleteI was wondering if I could contact you privately, I need to some advice and wont want it online.
Thanks
My email address is in this post, and yes, we can do a private chat.
DeleteDear Myne, I made a stupid error.
ReplyDeleteMy story is a bit complicated, but will try to make it plain. we was introduced online and gradually we became very close and now in a long distance relationship. During the past 1 year of the relationship, I have been faithful, avoided guys and stayed loyal to him. Am moving back home from across the country in a few weeks, and finally we will get to have a serious relationship..He already proposed. However, last week Sunday, I visited my male best friend, in his attempt to console me on an issue, we started kissing. We made out (heavy petting) but nothing more. Now am so racked with guilt. Should I tell him of my indescretion? He once told me, he would never forgive a cheating woman. I know I was wrong, nothing justifies my action, am very sorry. No, am not in love with my bestfriend, he is my go to person for a lot of things. He knows about my boyfriend and he is also very sorry. My boyfriend constantly tell me of how he is fighting temptations and keeping loyal to me, and now..I just feel so bad. We meet in person for the first time in a few weeks, knowing I betrayed his trust is making me so sad. Maybe telling him will free me of this burden of guilt.
Dear myne...
ReplyDeleteI'm a regular follower of your blog and i really learn a lot from it....i sincerely hope you publish my story because i need answers to the questions in my head..
I'm in my early 20's on the verge of completing my degree...i've shyed away from relationships because i felt i was not ready for them. Not until i met my boyfriend who literally swept me off my feet and our few months of dating has been wonderful. By nature, i'm a very quiet and reserved person though,cannot be classified as boring cuz i'm very full of life with a great smile...
Recently, my boyfriend started withdrawing with different excuses of being busy and all...to cut the long story short, he recently opened up and from all he said; the only things i can pick out are the facts that i was too gentle,i did not always argue, i just accept things for the sake of peace, i did not give my point of view,etc...
Now, what's really disturbing me is "Is it a crime that i am by nature a calm and reserved person that doesn't fight or argue???" This is just me and my nature.. Should it be a reason for a break up???
Thanks...