I dated this guy for 3 years, we were in the same department and class. I was faithful all through, but most of these years, I was just hanging on. This is because he had lots of attention from girls and didn't seem to care much about me, but I still kept on being in the relationship because I felt a change could occur. He called me his special girl, but he didn't treat me special.
There was even this other girl he was pretty close to, so much that it was obvious something was going on. I didn't believe it until I read a birthday text he sent to this girl, stating how much she had shown him how to love and all...it was a long story. I then remembered that all he sent me on my birthdays were "Happy Birthday. Cheers". In a nutshell, it looked like I was the one doing the loving.
He calls me one day, after failing to pick my calls for no reason, and for over eight days, to break up with me. He asked to remain friends. I agreed; even after I knew I was supposed to hate him for hurting me.
Then, on a particular day I unexpectedly got back from home to school, I surprised him by showing up at his doorstep. He begged me to stay. I was like; afterall, hez my friend, I'm safe..., but little did I know he was thinking I came over to seduce him into heving sex with me. At 12 midnight, he got angry about me refusing him sex, though he was drunk at the time, and pushed me out of his house. Somehow, I made it to the next morning and went home in tears.
The next two days after that horrible day, he started calling continously and sending "sorry" text messages, but I ignored them. He even gave his phone to someone to help him wish me a "Happy Birthday" on my birthday.
That didn't change anything. He explained himself to an elderly person who went on her knees to beg me on his behalf. This went on for 3 weeks, and finally, I thought: "even God forgives us for the gravest sin, why can't I forgive him?". That day, I resolved to forgive him, which I did, and prayed for him too.
The problem is, he doesn't believe I've forgiven him till I agree to marry him. He says the thought of losing me made him come back because he knew I was always good to him and he wasn't, but I still cared. He says he had called his family and friends to help him beg, and that he's willing to tell my mum how much he needs me in his life as his wife.
Me, on the other hand haven't had it easy getting a partner. Not that they don't come, I just don't feel right with them. I'm developing a soft spot for him again. Do you think I'll be making a grave mistake if I accept him back into my life?
He has never fought for me like this before, and I can see some seriousness in him. He's now a focused and dedicated person.
Would really love a reply from everybody. Anticipating them. Thanks for reading.
*This is super stooooooorryyyyyyyyy*
ReplyDeleteOk, lets get serious here. The situation is tough, I"ll like to believe the other girl(s) left him and thats why he's back to you. There's a thin line between love and desperation, I'll walk away if im in your shoes - once bitten. But then, what if he's truely in love with you? I guess you can only give it time. But if you make the decision to stay, LET IT NOT BE BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW!
Yeepah!!! NO NO NO!!! Truely in love...??? Imposican't!!
DeleteP.E.T. is spot on. I have nothing else to add.
ReplyDelete"Me, on the other hand haven't had it easy getting a partner. Not that they don't come, I just don't feel right with them" This is the exact thought women have when they are looking for a reason to stay with a man they should not stay with. You cant possibly believe that this man is the only man who will be interested in you.
ReplyDeleteI believe you can do better, dont short change yourself.
I've seen this scenario a few times, I'd say don't dismiss him so soon, there's something with the hunter in guys, when a girl is too available to them, they act up, the minute the girl starts acting like she doesn't care, their 6th sense switches into gear sharp sharp and they start to talk correct ting, I'd advice you to give it time and if possible keep physical intimacy out at the beginning so you can truly know his motives and keep yourself chaseable if their's such a word, men seems to thrive on that :-)
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Er, does this mean he proposed after 3 weeks of begging you to forgive him for throwing you out? Something doesn't feel right. From your story, you really like him and you're trying to rationalize your fears. Don't. If something is bad now, it'll probably get worse after marriage and he's probably using that fact that you love him to his advantage.
ReplyDelete#that is all
Deletei dont think he will get better just because he's married.just be very careful and dont go into marriage because theres "no one else"
Hmmm, i am with PET o. 'that you were always good to him' is an indication that he has suffered some disappointment. You really don't want a rebound/come back guy. You don't.
ReplyDeleteFurthermore with his track record with her, 3 weeks is too short for her to get excited. Let him sweat it out some more.
Sweetie i am sorry,it seems to me that you are short changing your self, i have been married for 7 years and in counselling younger people, i have heard all sorts of excuses, so he has been begging you for three weeks..that is nothing, i have a friend who, her husband waited for, for three years, she was not posing or anything, she genuinely was not interested,even though the guy was really handsome had a good job etc.. it took her three years to see he was the one for her and he waited for her.They have had a lot challenges in their marriage and they have weathered storms together that i pray i will never have to face. She always says how her husband is a gift from God to her. My point is, this guy who treated you so badly in the past has not earned the right to get you back after begging for just three weeks, if he is sincere, time and only time will tell not how desperate he is, not the tears, because as others have pointed out, guys always start begging when a once available girl suddenly becomes unavailable ( it works every time) but i counsel you to use your head and not your heart because it is obvious that you like him,you owe it to yourself to marry a man who has decided it is you he wants and no one else...
ReplyDeleteCommon wake up and smell the coffee. Get a Life and Move on. The one who has hurt you before will do it again and again. You are not a pity case, you deserve to be loved and appreciated. Leave his sorry arse and move on with your life. Thanks
ReplyDeleteI have come to realize that most times when we ask questions (such as this) we somehow already have the answer.
ReplyDeleteSince you are somewhat in doubt of his "change" just give him (and yourself) a little time. That time will actually tell you how you really feel and also show how genuine he is to you.
I hope you find the answer you are looking for dear.
For me she should just move on with her life and another better man will. I have a friend who was in the same decision they finally married but today she is filing for a divorce.
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Don't walk, Run away! especially because you have a soft spot for him. Please don't go back just because there is no one there now. It may seem like you're in the desert, farrr away from the fishes in the sea right now but it's not a reason to settle. genuinely look around, make the effort to date and don't consider him as a back up plan because it doesn't feel right with others. Remember, he didn't treat you right either.
ReplyDeleteBut if you decide you want him back :( 3 weeks isn't even close to enough. you're worth years! enjoy putting him through hoops until you're SURE, even if it takes a long,long time.
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Don't allow yourself to be boxed into agreeing to anything. The decision to have him in your life is yours alone to make. Take a deep breath and think through and deep. Don't allow your emotions cloud your reasoning.
ReplyDeleteI think you should wait and watch, Pray a lot for your heart and you will have more understanding of what is and what is not important in your relationship. Don't. Be in a hurry and open your heart to others too.
ReplyDeleteHe is focused at getting you back. Is he focused at making you happy? Do you think he will be responsible overnight? If you can live the rest of your life the way you have lived the last three years, go ahead and marry him.
ReplyDeletegbam!
Deleteremain friends with him but nothing else.
ReplyDeletesometimes things does not really look d way we set our glance at it.
ReplyDeleteall i will say is that the guy really might av bn a changed person.
so, just spend enough time wwith him to be sure, he deeply loves YOU.
Hmmnn i think you should move on he just isn't worth it. I suspect he just misses the emotional control he had over you. Once you make him realise he still does, he will go back to the way he was and you will be back to square one.
ReplyDeleteGood luck though as ultimately it is your decision.
seriously, that part of him commissioning people to beg.....sounds silly!!! he"s just trying to manipulate u to agree...be careful
ReplyDeletetime always tells!so give it time! marriage is for the rest of your life..he has to prove he really loves you..not that he wants you cos u r the pnw tat can tolerate his crap!
My dear I suggest you take some time off relationships to re-invent yourself.....You deserve more than what you are currently getting cos you are the one doing the loving, what happened to the other lady he has interest in? Pls do not settle for less cos you feel there is no one else available, you deserve beter my dear.........so take your time to find that special one.
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