Good day. I have been in a relationship since November last year. We met on Facebook and became fast friends. We are from the same place and live in the same city so we met offline quickly and soon began our relationship.
At 1st we talked everyday and chatted on BBM constantly. That was short lived as before long, he started being tied up with work and he really works - from Monday to Friday then on Saturday also till 12noon. So the calls dwindled. I realised that I was the one doing everything in the relationship. When I talk to him about this, he apologises and promises to do better.
Well, Vals day came and what I got was Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetie via bbm. No call, no text (he's never sent me a love text by the way) not evn a dp on bbm. This, while I spent about 20k getting him stuff for vals day. Not that I regret what I spent because I love making people feel loved and special.
When I went to his house that evening, he was very happy about the cake and other stuff I got for him. I told him I wasn't happy that he didn't get anything for me. His excuse was that he was broke. That really hurt me because although I know he spent money moving to his new place, it wasn't like I was expecting a car or a yatch. No matter how small, its the thought that matters.
Moreover he didn't plan on getting me anything because if he did, he would have worked towards it. I'm unemployed but because I had plans for him, I planned ahead n put things together for him.
That Valentine's day incident really really hurt me deeply and I didn't fail to let him know. Though he was as remorsful as ever, I don't understnd that. I read a lot of relationship columns, and it seems he's not as into me as I'm into him.
At this stage, I want to decide if I have to detach my emotional self from the relationship. I have stopped calling or pinging him. He's the man and he ought to determine where the relationship is leading. He only calls me about once a day excitedly telling me what he's doing at his new place, but that's not enough. Although it's not easy, I intend to stand my ground.
I still have high hopes for this relationship so I dunno if I'm doing the right thing. Esp as I'll be going for NYSC camp pretty soon and then this would be a long distance relationship. I'm very emotional and I hate being taken for granted. Please I need your advice and you can publish this on your blog too. Thanx.
I think u r on the right path by giving him his space n time. I know it works and this is how: he'll either notice you've been far and talk about it with the view to making things better or he'll just keep giving u the once in a day call. Meanwhile, did he involve u in the house thing? That's one way to tell.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't bank on it were I in ur shoes sha.
Relationship is not by force but by choice. It seems as if you are the one dragging the relationship and even doing him a favour. It really takes two to tangle but in this case, my lady you are the one doing the tangling only which sounds funny. When someone is really in love, you dont need a spiritualist to tell you. I doubt whether he is in love with you or rather in lust with you. He is not committed in this relationship probably he has another serious babe . Walk out and move on.
ReplyDeleteBabe move on! U seem to be the only person in this relationship! Honestly move on, theres no need for long story here! U d find a better man who deserves all ur love and care!
ReplyDeletefrom all uve said, u already know wot u nid to do, but u only nid some confirmation to be sure ure doing d right thing.. and yes u are!!! wen sum1 loves u, they show it!!! no matter how little. My bf also dint gt me anytn 4 valentine but it was neva an issue. He told me swthrt ds valentine get as e be oo.. explained to me why,i understood, and even b4 valentine, he's bn a giver and he still is. In a relationship, friendship is wot matters.. and ds guy isnt ur frnd... please gv him space... if he's interested u'd see a change... and even if u see a slight change, dnt jump on it.. until u see dt d change is consistent.... u deserve beta dear.
ReplyDeleteMyne, I woukd like to know what u told this girl. Hopefully, its different from what the Pple who commented before me hv said. My initial reaction to this post was to hiss and say she is being silly and immature. I thot she was going to say d guy disappeared on vals day but they spent it together.
ReplyDeleteHe said he was broke, he just moved, he calls you once a day, ahn ahn, cut him some slack. Anyway, only u knows what u want out of your relationship. Good luck.
Impressive.
Delete@ Madam sting i had the same reaction you did when i first read it i thought she was being sllly.. but this paragraph struck a cord............Well, Vals day came and what I got was Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetie via bbm. No call, no text (he's never sent me a love text by the way) not evn a dp on bbm. This, while I spent about 20k getting him stuff for vals day. Not that I regret what I spent because I love making people feel loved and special.
DeleteWhen I went to his house that evening, he was very happy about the cake and other stuff I got for him. I told him I wasn't happy that he didn't get anything for me. His excuse was that he was broke. That really hurt me because although I know he spent money moving to his new place, it wasn't like I was expecting a car or a yatch. No matter how small, its the thought that matters.
Moreover he didn't plan on getting me anything because if he did, he would have worked towards it. I'm unemployed but because I had plans for him, I planned ahead n put things together for him.
That Valentine's day incident really really hurt me deeply and I didn't fail to let him know. Though he was as remorsful as ever, I don't understnd that. I read a lot of relationship columns, and it seems he's not as into me as I'm into him......
This happened to me, i had just lst my bank job due to a fraud by a customer ( we were asked to resign) and vals day was approaching, i saved and got him stuff and he didn't get me anything, he had a job o, he said he was broke infact he didn't even ask his sis who stayed with him to cook for me even though i had called that i was hungry (mind you i was hoping he would take me to dinner o) ..i finally got the message that i was alone in the relationship that day, he knew i was hurt and got me my val gifts the very next day but the damage had been done .. the relationship went down hill from there because i simply stopped maintaining it, we broke up within a month ..so my advise to her is ....he is not that into you honey, move on... the fact that he did not get you stuff for vals day is a non issue but the other things you complained about are ...
Sting, this was the summary of what I responded to her. I usually don't post it so readers are not biased.
DeleteMy personal opinion is that your guy doesn't seem to have done anything really bad. Please don't judge him based only on the valentine, and you said he just moved then. In whatever you do, and especially in relationships, put your whole mind in it. When you are not into it anymore then tell the other person and move on. For now, I say give him another chance.
Hhehheh so i wasnt the only one who got bbm message on valentins day... i no fit laff o!'happy vals da hun'
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say you are doing him a Favor because relationships are mutual. In this one, no doubt you are putting in too much energy that isn't matched, not even half way. He's not totally committed and the lousy excuse of not knowing how to show it doesn't play here. Read the writings on the wall.
ReplyDeleteJust try to get him out of your mind and move on, he is definately not into you.......
ReplyDeletePlease girl, you say you have hopes meaning this guy has some good to him. listen to Sting nd Myne, don't do anything too rash.
ReplyDeletebabe lik u sed, d dude is sooo not into you. blive me, wen a man wants a woman he wil do ANYTHING!!, i mean ANYTHING!!. even if he just wants to get d lady laid. dis dude is not ready to share his life with u yet, he's stil into himsef @ d moment. i sugest u emotionally detach urself so u wnt get hurt by thgs he does. my case is similar to urs. i do d calling most times, send inspiring txt mssges n all, wen i realised i was dating myself in d relationship i emotionally witdrew. it wasnt easy but d moment i made d decision in mi heart to witdraw, immediately, i felt beta.wen d dude saw wat was hapening(no calls n all) he arranged himself sharply. he's now d 1 doing d chasing (lol).
ReplyDeletehoney its nt easy but its worth a try. just emotionally witdraw, dnt expect anythg romantic from him. relate wit him as u wld a platonic male friend. or just end d relationship n move on. if he is urs he wil realise that n come for u, if not God is bringing your own. that is a sincere prayer for u.
I didnt even get a bbm on vals day not to talk of a gift on vals day from my husband, but he got his GIFT as usaul even with the previous week was his birthday and he also got a gift.my dear just bcos he didnt buy you a gift or tell his sister to cook for you doesnt mean he is not into you,guys are rigid when it comes to relationship.just because your friends got the best gift doesnt mean she is happy.but if you are not happy for other reason kindly take the exit door.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely key n2 Ayonimofes idea but honestly am jealous,,wish i could find such luv..God knows i won't ever let her go 4 any reason...
ReplyDeleteAyo please not all guys are rigid. Some are flexible. Quit generalizing.
ReplyDeletehehehe...na wa o...that guy is not just into you...it's simple and obvious. One thing am not really cool with is the fact that you didn't take your time to grow the friendship before you started dating him, cos you said "We met on Facebook and became fast friends. We are from the same place and live in the same city so we met offline quickly and soon began our relationship". You would have gotten to know him better during the friendship period and would have known if you guys were emotionally compatible or not.
ReplyDeleteEveryone deserves to be happy. You are obviously not happy. The start and foundation of a relationship is very important, and if it doesn't kick off with the 'luvey duvey', I doubt if it'll ever happen or last (if it happens) during the relationship itself.
I'm not sure if he's cheating on you..I really doubt it (judging from all you've said o). So, as it is, I am inclined to believe he is not just feeling you. don't blame him, you can't force what you don't feel. So, my advice is that you give him the last chance by sitting him down, telling him the kind of person you are, what you desire in your relationship and how you are feeling. Ignore, whatever remorseful look he puts up or the "sorry" he says and focus on the behavioural change. If he doesn't change still, babe, find your way o...cos you are OYO (on your own ;)
you people are even lucky your boyfriends even added sweety and hun in your valentine's day text message. Mine only said happy vals day. I felt so humiliated.
ReplyDeleteI always advice in relationships that one gives their all, at the end of the day if you feel he isn't giving as much, even if it takes you 3yrs in my case your eyes will open and you will be the better for it cause its YOUR decision and it was not influenced by any one. The guy I am dating now seems to be heading out the same way. I'd rather have misery for awhile than a life time
ReplyDelete