I totally love your blog i learn i a lot of things from almost all your post and your readers comments that's why i think i can seek advice from you. This is my story. I am a 25 year old girl just trying to make herself happy. I have not been in a relationship for almost a year now as i just wanted to be on my own, i have gone on a few dates, and have a couple of toasters around but there is one man who has kinda caught my heart.
He is so sweet, kind, gentle, spiritual in fact has almost all i want in man and he has his flaws too. I like him a lot but there is something bothering me. He is 41 year old man and lost his wife few months ago. I meet him at a bank and we got talking and exchanged numbers and since then we talk every other day.
Though he has told me we need to slow things down as he is still mourning his wife but he wants me to always be there for him till wen he feels its appropriate for him to start dating again which will be in a year's time.
I do not mind waiting but i am scared that my family and friends may be against our relationship if we eventually date cos of the age difference. I am totally comfortable with it but scared of what the public will say.
I need you to please advise me...Do you think the age difference is too much?
Public!!!...People!!!..hmmm , at the end of it all , it's your life and it's your happiness that really matters!!...I think he has not gotten over his wife's death, like he said just take things slowly, and don't make assumptions...so you don't get hurt....just be a good friend, be there for him, but don't get your heart involved until you are sure he's ready to love again { and really in love with you}., so you don't get hurt....He seems like a reasonable and responsible man!!.If it were to be some other men, they won't even mourn their wives before they start flirting around!!.....As for people!!!!!!!....please you are the only one that will live with your husband ,,,don't be carried away by what people will say....The most important thing is '' Is he God's will for your life''??...and will the relationship make you a better person ??..Does he bring out the best in you??....that's all that matters....Funny enough, your family might even like him ...so don't worry !!!...relax!!!...even if he's older...don't compare your self with other people!!!...Your love story is different...and let God be the author!!!..Keep praying!!!..if He's the one,,things will fall in place!!...and if he's not ,that means God has a better person for you....Just wait and be patient..and enjoy while you do!!..learn a hobby, go out and have fun....Enjoy!!.Much love!!
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head!
DeleteMy dear, why don't you do what is good for you instead of worrying about what people will say?
ReplyDeleteWell, since you said you also like to read comments left, I'll take a big gulp of air and dive in. First, I'm older than the man you're concerned about, I think I have a perspective beyond the immediate picture so I'll be up front: any person interested in a relationship with another person so soon after the loss of a loved one is TROUBLE. Don't walk, RUN in the opposite direction. At best, he's re-bounding (I also sense that he plays around), and you're drifting, a lethal combination.
ReplyDeleteI see from your photo that you're a beautiful young lady. I sense that you lack confidence in yourself. You cannot 'make' yourself happy. In order to 'be' happy, you have to stop thinking about yourself and think about others -- stretch a bit -- get involved with an activity at work, a volunteer program -- in other words, bring new people into your life because you're interested in the project you're doing. If you let the passion for what you're doing shine through, you'll find like-minded people attracted to you. Get rid of 'wanting' and just be and all will work out. Good luck! (You can do this!)
Spot on!!
DeleteGBAM!!!
DeleteTook the words out of my mouth. This is the advice I would hope I would have the sense to follow if I were in this situation.
Delete16 years is a very significant age difference and not to be underestimated about how it will affect your relationship. Also does this man have children? Have you considered that? And if you're already having doubts, he is probably not the one.
ReplyDeleteI am with kittie on this any man ready for another relationship shortly after his wife dies has red flag all over him. if it were the other way round his wife will not even consider having friends of the opposite sex. secondly i think 16 years is a lot, how i classify it is that he is from a different generation than you, i must say that stuff is not so easy to manage especially if he has deep african mentality. you are very young and have a lot of years ahead. just enjoy your life and pray, God will take care of it
ReplyDeleteHmmm, I felt like I was reading me some years ago above! I was 25, he was 18yrs older and a widower. I wasn't crazy about the relationship at first....had some other 'interests' but he made me feel so secured. Yeah, the age difference was there but somehow it thinned out as the relationship progressed. I was worried about it at first and what people will say but after a while it became unimportant. He helped me mature a lot, I became stronger and tried to blend with his 'clique'. I'm sure our marriage would have been stellar but two years down the line tragedy happened and he passed on! I still miss him even after 5years! He taught me a lot!..........
ReplyDeleteI will just advice you to follow your heart....give him space to mourn too so he heals before moving on! Things will work out fine if it's meant to be!
I agree wt Pearl and the last person. Pls follow ur heart. The same thng happen to me.He Pampers me.He helps me to Mature and We play All the Time.
ReplyDeleteI strongly agree with pearl,pls pray about it and be sure he's God's plan for you... Don't bother about what people would say and for the fact that he told you to give him sometime shows he's responsible and isn't ready to play around.my elder brother is 43 years and he's married to a lady who's 27 and they've been married for almost four years now,so whats the big deal in age difference?
ReplyDeleteHe is a widower, not a widow.
ReplyDeleteI'm married to a widower. We became friends shortly after his first wife died. People talked, tongues wagged and all hell was let loose but we stuck to each other and we got married. Today I can say it was the best decision of my life. Oh BTW he's 12yrs older! Bottom line=follw your heart. He'll never forget his first wife, be prepared,but he'll do everything to make you happy. You are the second chance life has given him and he wouldn't want to blow it up.
ReplyDelete