Do you ever find yourself wondering if they’re The One, or if you’re just settling down because you don’t think you’ll find anyone better? Sometimes, when we’re at a low ebb, it can be very easy to convince ourselves that someone is right for us, just because they’re there. But settling rarely makes for a long lasting, happy relationship. Here are 6 warning signs that you’re settling for second best in your relationship.
1. The little things really bug you
Love is blind…well, it should be during the honeymoon phase anyway. If your relationship is relatively new but little things about your partner are already starting to annoy you, this is a big warning sign. Over time these things aren’t going to go away, they’re just going to get more annoying.
2. You fantasise about time alone
When you’re with someone you really like, especially at the start of the relationship, you tend to want to spend every second together. However, if you find yourself fantasising about that evening you can spend alone watching the TV shows your partner hates, or that weekend you have coming up where you can spend some time on your own, you’re settling.
3. You constantly think about the sands of time
Love isn’t a practical thing. You fall in love with someone despite all the odds, not to fulfil a purpose. If you keep telling yourself that this is your last chance, and you probably won’t find anyone else then you really are settling. You’re never too old to find love but you’re always too young to settle.
4. You’re attempting a make-over
If you keep a mental to do list of the things you think your partner could improve on then you’ve got problems. As we’ve said time and time again on eHarmony Advice, you should never begin a relationship thinking you can change the other person to be your ideal partner. Your soul mate will seem right from the very start.
5. You gloss over your partner’s faults
On the opposite end of the spectrum is the person who ignores all their partner’s faults. So what if she never does any housework, at least she comes home when she says she will. Or so what if he never tells me he loves me, at least he loads the dishwasher properly. Your partner doesn’t need to be perfect but they do need to be right.
6. You’re always making excuses for your partner
Do you find yourself saying things like ‘She’s had a really tough year’ or ‘He can’t help it’ to your friends and family when they question aspects of your partner’s personality or habits? You shouldn’t have to make excuses to your loved ones about your partner. You should either be honest with them, or get out of the relationship.
Via eHarmony
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You know what Myne, I'm beginning to wonder if settling is really that bad. I mean surely there are worse things in life. Some people don't settle and things go terribly awry sooner or later. So one might just as well settle. I know my thinking is skewed but I woke up yesterday just wanting to be held. I'm not considering settling for anyone at the moment, neither are my thoughts on marriage. I'm just experiencing one of those rare moments of wanting to be loved, cherished and held. That said, I'm one of the least likely persons to settle that I know of (I seem not to have caught the marriage bug yet) but I can't help but wonder; what's the possibility of settling and having that turn into a Fairytale-like love story?
ReplyDeleteThelma, I was once in that phase 'Settling cant be all bad'..He wasn't all I wanted but he was enough. The only challenge with this was..you keep wanting something else. In my mind, I want to love a man as I do my career (pardon the comparison). The pay is not out of this world-i could earn better in another industry-, there are happy days and stressful days..BUT..my chosen field is a passion for me. It is worth all the stress. A man to love like that would be the perfect fit for me. The catch in my career? To be the best at it..I only need to call into my most innate personality...becoming more of me..that is the kind of love I want.
ReplyDeleteAnon has made a very good point. Marriage needs to be something you can bring some passion into, especially if you're a thinking and romantic person. If you settle, you'll always want more, and keep looking out. This is dangerous in two ways.
ReplyDelete1. There will always be temptation after marriage, even with the one you love, so better to have the lockdown on that love, if not the disatisfaction will build and may end in infidelity.
2. Marriage has it's low and hard points, and it is best to weather the storms with the one you love. If not, the valleys will seem deeper, you will become bitter and who knows how that might end?
So unless one is the type that can switch off all emotion, settling is not something I'll advice. But it's important to define what love means to you and be realistic so as to recognize what is settling and what is deceiving yourself and having unmatchable ideals, LOL...