How Learning to Compromise Has Helped Me Have a Happier Marriage

By Nkem Akinsoto

Atala and I had a shortish and mostly online relationship before getting married, as some of you may already know. He was in the United States and I was in Edinburgh, and he visited only 3 times before we got married after dating for just about 6 months. I want to add that before then we'd known each other for over a year online, and had corresponded as friends for about 6 months before we started dating. But that may not have much to do with this post I'm writing, or does it?

After getting married, we soon found out that marriage can be very complicated. I've heard people who say the first year of marriage is the toughest, however, ours was mostly filled with happy moments, and added to the happiness we both already had in each other, separately and together. In that first year, having date nights at home all the time, and going out regularly was one handy trick I used :)

Toyin Aimakhu - Marriage Is King In Africa and My Husband Is My Small God

Toyin Aimakhu has been married just under 2 years, and since then, she has been separated once from her husband for alleged cheating on his part. But in her latest Instagram post, the Nollywood actress insists he treats her well and is her small God. She also had one or two things to say to married women and even those who are not.

She encourages those with good husbands to sing their praises more, like she did when her husband bought her a car for Valentine's Day, and not just speak out when the man does the wrong things. I agree with Toyin that if you love your husband and he treats you right, no reason not to appreciate him publicly. As for the rest, Toyin is OYO. Read below...

Advice From Pastor Tony Rapu to Married Women

The last time, popular Lagos pastor Dr. Tony Rapu in one of his Twitter series wrote some words of advice to married men on how to improve their marriage [read here].

This time, it is women's turn to hear from Dr. Tony Rapu. Check out his tweets below...

10 Marriage Tips Every WIFE Needs to Hear - And It's From A Twice-Divorced Woman

I wanted to take some time and write down some things that I’ve learned in the last ten years.  You see – I’m now in my third marriage.

When people learn this fact about me, their reaction is usually pretty awkward.  It’s almost as if they’re waiting for me to be embarrassed by my admission.

While going through two divorces was some of the most painful times of my life, I’d only feel ashamed if I’d gone through it without being able to say I’ve learned a thing or two.  My husband and I had both been through divorce before we married each other, and with that brings a unique perspective into many do’s and don’ts of how to treat your spouse.

Oldest Living Black Couple Married 86 Years Offers Advice - Marry a Good Man

Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina. They have been married 86 years and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this…. Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104.

The happily married couple answered some relationship questions. Check out their take on finding love, getting through hard times and more. Good read.

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure.Divorce was NEVER an option – or even a thought.

Michelle Duggar Gives Marriage Advice That Will Benefit Everyone

Michelle Duggar is the mother of 19 children and has been married to her husband, Jim Bob Duggar for over 30 years.

Not everyone may have as many children as she does, but everyone, male and female, married and single can benefit from the advice that comes from her wealth of experience.

Two days before her daughter's marriage, she answered a question from a "19 Kids and Counting" fan: What advice will you give Jill as a newlywed wife to keep in mind throughout her marriage? on her blog.

Marriage Sabbatical - Could Taking Time Away From Your Marriage Make It Stronger?

Marriage sabbatical is a term coined by author Cheryl Jarvis, who wrote a book about women taking time out from their marriages to do something for themselves, something they felt being married was stopping them from doing.

The idea of pulling apart in a relationship that is meant to be all about togetherness may seem illogical, but increasing number of couples are embracing the idea of one of them, especially the wife, taking a ‘sabbatical’ from their marriage in order to make it stronger.

A marriage sabbatical is different from a trial separation and the couple are not discussing divorce in any way. There is also no room for relationships or sex with other people while the wife or husband is taking the sabbatical.

The debate surrounding 'marriage sabbaticals' was sparked recently when actress Emma Thompson revealed that she believes every married couple would benefit from such a break. And it got me thinking.

Advice From Britain's Oldest Married Couple to Young Couples, They've Been Married 75 Years

Joseph Littlewood, 98, and wife Sally, 99, have just celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary and they believe regular marital arguments helped their love last over the years - but only because they learned to move on after each tiff. From their own experience, the Littlewoods also believe that long courtships and engagements, and not moving in together too quickly, are vital to a long-lasting marriage.

Marriage Avowals - Couples Need To Learn How To Talk To Each Other

Ngozi Omolaiye met her husband Gordy in her first year in University back in 1991! The couple have been together since, married for over 15 years. They waited over 12 years after marriage for their child and welcomed a baby girl two and half years ago. In this exlusive interview with RML, she tells us more about their marriage, and what has kept them going so long.

Keeping Your Man - Open Letter From Stella Damasus to Married Women

I like Stella, I really do. I fell in love with her acting, and then her love with her first husband through one of their love songs. I follow her blog and leave comments. Recently, there has been some stories about how she's dating her new business partner who divorced his wife, but I choose to disregard those as rumors. Still, I'm happy that Stella noted in this post the irony of writing this topic and still goes ahead.

Funke Akindele Vs Kehinde Oloyede - Marriage is not Everything

A lot of talk will of course follow this news of Funke Akindele's separation from the husband after being married for just over a year. Some are already throwing blames even before any further details have been released, it's either Kehinde Oloyede was a womanizer or Funke may have thought her marriage was a movie romance script.

6 Things You Can Do To Keep Your Marriage Fresh

Most romantic relationships experience up and downs, and in some marriages it gets stuck in the downers. Before you guys got married, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely spontaneous experience. However, after a few years of marriage, the euphoria begins to fade. Phone calls become a bother, touch is not always welcome, and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, drive you nuts.

Mort Fertel, who I have referenced HERE, says that "At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages break down. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their relationship for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it."

I agree with him that the solution to a flat marriage lies within it rather than outside. As long as there are no abusive issues love is a decision you can refresh, especially after those first euphoric days or years are past. In marriage and other long term relationships, you have to "make" love every day. It takes time, effort, and most importantly, wisdom. These are some things I came up with that can help keep marriage fresh.

6 Unconventional Tips That Could Save Your Marriage

When couples have problems with their marriages, they usually go with the more usual advice they get from friends or family. Some couples go the extra mile to talk with marriage therapists, but much of the advice they receive is wrong, says author Mort Fertel. Fertel says advice that is logical and sounds good is often ineffective, and that reconciling a broken marriage is not an intuitive process.

While I agree with the sense behind some of his teachings, most sound like he just wants aggrieved parties to an unhealthy marriage to remain in that bad situation and simply get used to it. The truth is that what works for one couple may not work for the other, and it would be best for each person to find what suits them.

On that note, I'm sharing some of the tips Fertel uses to work with couples.

Go at it ALONE. Most people think, "I need my spouse to work with me to fix our marriage." But it does not take two to tango. One person's effort can change the momentum of a marriage, and very often, it's that effort that motivates the obstinate spouse to join in the process.

What The Bible Really Says about Oral Sex

Yesterday, it went viral that a Pastor of CLAM church, Wole Oladiyun warned that Oral Sex was not for Christians. Maybe he read my earlier blog post about Nigerian men and oral sex, or maybe his wife did, and asked him for some, hehehe. The man sparked o. In his words, "... men and women sucking their private parts are equally damaging their glories. Demonic partners have done a lot of havoc through this act. Honestly, it is simply unhygienic and dirty."

Now, I don't understand the first part of his comment about oral sex damaging people's glories, or demonic partners, maybe that is what he teaches in his church as doctrine and dogma. If so, I can't really address it, I am not a pastor obviously, nor his church member. But the second part exposes that his bias and personal opinion is what is majorly driving his condemnation of oral sex.

Why Are Some Nigerian Marriages Such a Farce?

We were watching Arnold Schwarznegger on 60minutes and he was talking about the breakup of his marriage and how he regretted his actions. One of us, an older Nigerian woman, was not aware of the story so I brought her up to date. She was surprised that Arnold's wife had asked for a divorce, and felt she shouldn't have. For her, a child outside the marriage was not reason enough for divorce. In the discussion, I came away with the following insight about Nigerian marriages.

On Marriage - Loving Your Man Anyway

 [You may want to skip this post if you are finicky, some grossity (new word) ahead]

Now, I'm not one for dwelling on the differences between genders in terms of behavior, personality, or expected roles, but there are some ways I agree that men in general differ from women. There was this book I read in university, my then roommate was in the must-to-marry before I graduate mode, and I was in the read-everything-I-find mode. One point stuck with me, it was a chapter under the heading - You Marry A Man.

Dear Myne - Should I get even on my Cheating Husband?

I discovered a few months back that my husband slept with another lady. This was less than 2mths after our second child, and 2 months to our fourth year wedding anniversary. To say that I was deeply hurt is putting it mildly.... I wept like never before and some of my thoughts included divorce and even suicide.

The Little Things in Love are the Sweetest

I saw this on a friend's page and just knew I had to share it since it seems we had been talking about cheating and marriages gone bad for the past few days. Some of us indeed, like the guy in the story below, continue to get it wrong. Enjoy reading this and do have a splendid time with that special one in your life this Friday and Forever...

Does Marriage Confer Special Relationship Wisdom?

When I tell people that I write romance novels or that I blog mostly about issues in relationships, the next question from some of them is whether I'm married and for how long. I am sometimes tempted to answer in the negative to hear what they will say, but the replies when I answer truthfully gives me a pretty good idea.