Keeping Your Man - Open Letter From Stella Damasus to Married Women

I like Stella, I really do. I fell in love with her acting, and then her love with her first husband through one of their love songs. I follow her blog and leave comments. Recently, there has been some stories about how she's dating her new business partner who divorced his wife, but I choose to disregard those as rumors. Still, I'm happy that Stella noted in this post the irony of writing this topic and still goes ahead.

Now to the post itself. Stella has a good heart, but some of the tips in this her letter get as them be. But hey, as usual with these write-ups, take the ones that suit you, and leave the rest for the writer and other readers. Enjoy and have a great weekend.

Keeping Your Man - By Stella Damasus

Hello ladies,

Been a while since you read from me and I am sorry about that. However I never said I would be the only one writing for this blog. I threw it open to members to send in their articles, concerns, challenges, questions and other things to the Adiva email address and we will publish it.

Not only that, we will get the experts/professionals to help answer some of your questions, I am still waiting to hear from you all.

Anyway I have good news and that is the fact that you will be able to watch me talk more/elaborate on things I will write in the blog. Yes o my YouTube channel will be very very active soon with my new project called Stella's diaries.

You all need to look out for it because it will be very exciting as usual. I will say it the way I see it and I am sure by now most of you know I am not ashamed or afraid to speak my mind.

Anyway let me go to the topic I want to discuss today "keeping your man".This is for the married women o please this is not targeted at single girls.

Now we know that the one thing men cannot live without apart from money is SEX. In this forum I really don't care where anyone is from or what religion you belong to, I will be as raw and honest as possible.

I do not understand why women especially Africans do not talk about sex when we know that it is the one thing we do regularly with so much pleasure.

Anyway our men love sex to the max and we know that for a fact. So how come when we are dating them we are so willing to give them what they want even though we know it is wrong. The first few years of marriage is filled with sex almost five times a day in different parts of the house and at odd hours, but after the few years we start to back down, we start to make excuses, we start to see it as a chore and then we let them know that we are really not interested in them physically.

Wow, what happened to the lady fox, the hot chic, the sexy cat that he got married to?
What happened to the babe that would understand the signal he would give and immediately comply?
What happened those times when he would race home to his sexy energetic ever ready wife who would make him feel wanted?
I know that most of you will say "I have kids who wear me out, I have work that drains me, I got older, my sex drive has gone under, I have a headache" to the point that the man will need to get a visa at your "embassy" to visit his favorite place in the World.

When you do this to him, how do you expect him to come home everyday to look at your tired, grumpy and unfriendly face?

How would you expect him to come home to you complaining about the plumber, your child that was being rude, and your boss that gave you a hard time?
NOOOOOOO please.

At that point he wants you to take him to that special place were the sky is so wonderful and turn his brain around to the point that all you say will sound like sweet music to his ears.
These men are human beings who go through their own challenges, half of which you don't even know because they are trying to save you from all the stress.

What annoys me the most is when we women start to complain and nag about the men not having time for us, and how they no longer find us attractive anymore and that's where the suspicion starts. That's when the saying comes, "if he is not getting it from me someone else must be giving it to him’.

I don't encourage cheating at all in fact it goes against what the bible teaches no matter what. I will not also judge anyone who has been caught in a web he is not proud of for one reason or the other. I believe that if we are truly sorry for our sins and we go to God with the determination not to sin again, he is merciful and will forgive us.

In all of this I know that all men are not beasts, neither are they evil because we married them. I also know that men do not get married and carry it at the back of their minds that they must cheat. That's not how it works please. There are things that we do that trigger things in their brains and these things drive them to do things that they really would not have done. Most of us believe it when they say men don’t think with their brains but they think with their penis. I beg to differ because they know what they are doing and I don’t see how the penis can have a brain that will control the whole body. There is always something that sparks off in the brain that sends the signal to the penis.
You may or may not agree with me but this is what I choose to believe. Most men we married are not so evil and dubious, some may be cowards but cast your mind back to the kind of man you chose to marry and see if there were traces of that character or not.

What men want:
- They want to feel like they are in control of things which is not bad because they are the head.
- They want to feel loved and like it or not they are our first babies who desire words of affirmation no matter how macho they seem.
- They want to feel WANTED all the time, it gives them the confidence that all men crave for.
- They want to know you are still sexually attracted to them.
- They don't want you to make it obvious that you are smatter even if you are.
- They like their space and alone time.
- They don't want to come home to a fat mama who is the opposite of the sexy curvy woman he fell in love with, because she let herself go after they got married. Why should she try and look the same? She is married now, who else does she have to impress? WRONG! Men are first of all moved by what they see before anything else. So when they can't see that anymore or at least an effort to getting back that body that turned them on, they'll probably lose interest in you and find it someone else.
- They don't want to come and hug you after work with you are smelling of onions and oil. At least take a shower before he gets there or if there is no time spray perfume.
- They want to come home to a nice smelling neat and tidy home.
- They want to walk into the bedroom with the bed all made up and clothes arranged. Maybe a small note on his pillow saying I love you and I am glad you are home, that definitely puts an automatic smile on his face even if for three seconds, it keeps him interested in you
- They want you to be a good listener not just a talker.
- They want to know that you believe in them and you are proud of them.
- They want to know that no matter what you will have their back and support them, then ask questions later.
- They just want to see that you are making an effort because no human should expect you to be perfect.
- They don't want another mother but they want you to take care of them the way you would your kids.
- They want a wife, girlfriend, sorry to say (personal call girl) which is not a bad thing because he is your husband who is free to express his sexual desires as long as they are not life threatening or demeaning.

There are so many things I can add and you will not stop reading so let me end this by saying: if you do not try to do at least 60 percent of this regularly, trust me a younger version of you will cross his path and that is exactly how the enemy works. When that younger and more energetic version of you catches his eye, your matter will quietly end. This girl will rock his world so bad that coming home to you will become a chore. These girls can give him all these things and even more that the men find it so difficult to resist. All the money that was supposed to go to you and your children will find their way to her pocket. They can get anything they want from your man because they know the secret to getting and keeping him.

I know that this article will cause a lot of controversial wahala but it is fine because in life people don't like to hear the truth. This might also be an opportunity for people to make silly comments but the truth is I am loving it all. I finally have the attention of people who will ordinarily not want to listen to me or watch me.

Ladies on a more serious note, if you are guilty of these crimes and are depriving your husband of what is rightfully his then don't be shocked when a younger version of you gets the best of him.
I will let you all know when the extended version of this topic will be on my YouTube channel. God will bless your homes and give you the wisdom you need to keep it together.

Think about this objectively, try out what you agree with and discard what you don't. Leave the messenger out of it for a change and see the bigger picture ahead.

Take care of yourselves and remember that I love you all.