Oh God...This was turning into the worst nightmare ever...The situation was getting uglier by every spoken word...Every gesture...
Dear God, I said I was sorry...you promised me you'd forgiven me...I turned a new leaf, I did everything ...I ...Why is this happening..? Chinedu had to think hard and fast.
Gbenro, assimilating the situation and fully understanding the gravity of what had just transpired, was clearly at a loss as to what to do or where to attack the matter from. He was reduced to babbling.
"Kai...You know say I no fit go meet Dabaru...I no fit...him no go wan know....Sinedu, if him hear kperem say you know the girl, the girl own do pari o! Ogbeni, you dey think of your mama so?"
Chinedu sat up, a plan forming in his head. Living in the dredges a long time ago made him an authority at thinking on his feet...he knew what he had to do. The time had come.
The thug in him…the thug that Alhaji hadn’t succeeded in taming had been set loose. The thought of losing Iphey to Dabaru. He shivered. He wouldn’t go without a fight.
He looked at his wristwatch...9pm. He was supposed to pick Iphey in half an hour. That wouldn't b possible anymore.
“Where Dabaru dey?” Chinedu said.
“Hein?? Wetin you dey talk?” Gbenro asked.
“Where im dey? I wan see am.”
“This madness has to end.” Chinedu said out loud. He couldn’t continue to run from his shadow. Or Dabaru as the case was. What better time to face the music than now.
A very discombobulated Gbenro was saying “No be me go carry you go where dem go kill you o!"
By now Gbenro was looking left and right as if Dabaru would materialize if just by calling his name. He had learnt quite early that the fear of Dabaru was the beginning of wisdom.
“Gbenro????” Chinedu called.
Gbenro guessed Chinedu’s badgering wasn’t going to stop. Ah, how he wished that Chinedu wouldn’t do this, however he knew his friend. It would stop only when Chinedu had gotten the information he needed.
“Ha, Sinedu…Ok, I no go follow you go meet am o! I go show you where im go dey…No call my name o! I dey beg you…”
“Gbenro, I be small pikin? You go go show me the place now but I gat to make some calls first...” Chinedu said while scrolling through his phone…He dialed.
The call was to his very handy cabby...Supo had run many an errand for him in the past.
“Supo, Hello…Can you hear me? Where you dey? The place is very noisy….Abeg, Abeg, Comot for there then flash me.“
One minute later, Supo flashed Chinedu’s phone and Chinedu called back.
“Oga mi! I been dey watch Nigeria friendly match o… those boys just dey…” Supo had a knack for giving unsolicited information.
“Supo, where you dey? “ said Chinedu said cutting him off.
“Oga mi. I dey one place like that near city mall…”
“Great! You get reach 10k?”
“Ermm…No sir…”
“Ok. Ermmm…Come for shoprite com meet me now now...I dey wait o!!”
He turned to Gbenro. “Ogbeni, pade mi ni No 2. (Meet me at No 2.) Make I reach shoprite. I wan sharply buy somethings.”
No 2 was a code for one of their meeting places. All because the gang must not get wind of their association. Chinedu sighed audibly but his resolve was strengthened.
The next call he made was to Iphey. Thank God for GSM…What would he have done?? He thought.
“Sweetheart, are you still at home? Has James called you? Not yet...OK. See I won't be able to come take you to Galleria. No..no. Just stay there…Yes, I'll send Supo. I love you.” he hung up after her muttered "love you too."
##########################################
9.45PM
“Dude, Listen to me na…I need a favour…” He had just left Shoprite and was driving to his assignation with Gbenro at No 2.
“Do I need to leave where I am?” Habib asked quietly, "I'm embedded somewhere already..."
“Yes...No. Ok, you don’t need to move. I would have wanted you too involved but I can manage with back up…and protection.” Chinedu said.
“Chinedu, what are you getting into? These guys have proofing. I think they may have some insider backers. We aren't sure who you’re up against, I suggest you stay out of it my friend.”
“Habib, one thing I know is that Dabaru is part of this project and Iphey will be kidnapped. If it ever gets to the point where he finds out that Iphey is connected to me...HE WON’T THINK. She’ll die. Because of me. I wont let it happen.”
“Chinedu…if you let us do our jobs it may not get to that point.” Habib started, a hint of irritation in his voice...
“Look, I'm not prepared to take that chance." Chinedu cut him off. He tried to breathe. "Habib, I figured since you’re in on this whole mission, you’re the best person to ask for help. Will you help me or not?”
“Send me the co-ordinates when you get them from your source…and Chinedu? Keep me posted, OK?
“No wahala…” Chinedu said, what he actually meant was, “Not a chance.”
The caller waiting tone was beeping while he was on the call to Habib. So immediately he got off the phone, he checked his missed calls.
Iphey.
Supo had probably gotten her to Galleria by now and handed over their shopping. He called back.
“Hey babe…”
“Chinedu, Err...Supo just gave me a few things.”
“Yeah..Good…”
“He gave me a bag of some kind of....paraphernalia...”
“Iphey, clothes, a hand bag and a...blonde wig hardly qualify as paraphernalia…” Chinedu said trying to make light the situation.
“Chinedu!” Iphey said in her “Cut the crap” voice.
“Look Babe, some people are watching you. Some very bad people…I thought I wouldn‘t have to tell you but…there." He listened for a while.
"You said you have to meet James but they mustn't know it‘s you, that's what the different clothes are for...Is James there, yes? OK...make sure you stay in the restaurant. Don't go home and don't follow him anywhere. Discharge him soon...tell him clients or something. You must change before you leave. Go out through the side door…Iphey, trust me, ok?"
"Go to double Four….Stay there. Supo will come to pick you again. Do as he says..Go with him to wherever he takes you. You‘ll be safe there.”
The phone line went silent for a while. Chinedu could almost hear her thinking.
“Iphey…are you there?”
“Yes..” Iphey said in a voice that even he did not recognize. He could tell she was not happy with the whole cloak and dagger affair.
“Sweetheart…This too shall pass…We’ll get through this…Be strong for me. Please go and change. Call me when you’re safe with Supo.”
She remained silent. “Iphey. I love you…” He had a terrible feling that she would not see him in a long while.
“I love you too honey. Promise you'll tell me what this is about later." Her vice faded.
"I promise, and please act normal…not like anything's up. Call me if you have any hiccups…”
#########################################
10.30pm
The night seemed to be on never-ending mode. Chinedu sat at a darkened corner in the bar nursing a drink. Gbenro should be crouched outside somewhere, phone in hand and ready to squeal to the number Habib had provided if need be. He’d relayed all the necessary information to Chinedu earlier before they parted. Now Chinedu waited for Dabaru and his top shot to come in.
Opposite him, Dabaru’s boys sat drinking and making merry. He wondered which one of them told Dabaru that Iphey was James’s girlfriend so he could deal with him. He called his mind to order. He was here to see Dabaru. He was here to bury the hatchet. At whatever cost…He hadn’t seen any cars by the way…Dabaru was still not in sight…Oh there he was. He’d aged some since Chinedu last saw him. He even had a limp now. The years he's spent in Kirikiri wouldn't have helped and maybe he'd got shot in the line of “DUTY”.
Chinedu sighed. What was he doing here? Oh yeah. He knew. To die. Oh Lord, what have I gotten my self into. What was I thinking? What…
He heard a voice…a very familiar voice. He heard the voice long before he saw the face. The voice that was now greeting Dabaru in the most familiar tone. This voice that he’d grown to know so well. The face he’d grown to look up to.The voice that now faded as it followed Dabaru into what seemed to be the VIP Lounge of the bar.
It was Alhaji Galadima.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Nigerian Blog of the Year
Posted in:
I am a writer but events like this make one short of words really, lol...
I spread the word out, I hoped, I kept my fingers crossed and I voted for myself and others. But today, it took me by surprise. I really didn't imagine that I would win ALL of the categories I was nominated for. Maybe one or two, but to also win the Nigerian Blog of the year when there were older and more established and versatile blogs out there? I certainly did not expect that.
So diafore, I want to say a great big THANK YOU to everyone that voted for me at the Nigerian Blog Awards. More than that, I really appreciate you and the support all along in this blogging and writing journey. It has been awesome having the Naija Blogs community on my side.
- Thanks to all those who contributed to, read and enjoyed the Cupid's Risk Series and Naija Stories. You are the U in the Group, and there would be no collabos without you.
- Thanks to all those who have read chapter one of my book on Freado, who have seen the book trailer video on Youtube, who are fans on Facebook and who follow me on Twitter. You are my social media backbone.
- Thanks to all those who have visited my website, the A Heart to Mend Blog, and who follow and read the this blog, your comments, feedback and encouragement of my writing has made it all more than worthwhile.
These awards are just another feather in our collective cap. I couldn't have done it without you all. I hope we can all continue to be there for each other, I will continue to do my best.
Below is the acknowledgement on the US edition of the story that launched this blog and started it all...the story of Gladys and Edward; A Heart to Mend
The following people were very helpful in bringing this book to fruition;
Everyone in the Eastside Writers Meetup Group in Seattle Washington, who read excerpts and gave generous feedback.
All the readers of my blog; mynewhitmanwrites.blogspot.com, for their comments and encouragement.
Webround, the first blogger who took an interest. For clear eyes and ever-judicious pointers and advice.
The amazing ttlola, Neefemi, Fabulo-la, Histreasure, Azazel, Nice Anon, Leggy, and Tisha, for copyediting and proofreading at no charge. You are all stars.
All my family and in-laws, far and near, for your patience with me, your unwavering love and your support.
Finally and chiefly, thank you to A... My cheerleader, first reader, collaborator, beloved mastermind and husband. I love you.
Permit me to repeat these acknowledgements. We have done it once again.
ps...yes there will be freebies, lol. Watch out!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Have you voted?
Posted in:
The Nigerian Blog Awards.
Now I am in New York seeing Lady Liberty and her friends so you know I didn't really put up this post right now. See why I was nominated for best use of media?
Some interesting messages on twitter
So yeah, there are many bots and I use them to do my business but this is my message to you all.
This is a scheduled post and will self regenerate in 24 hours.
Now go and vote. The Nigerian Blog Awards.
See you on twitter too. And thank you all so much if you've voted, (and voted for me) you are very much appreciated.
I love you, mwah!
Now I am in New York seeing Lady Liberty and her friends so you know I didn't really put up this post right now. See why I was nominated for best use of media?
Some interesting messages on twitter
you know i'm wondering if this is a real account or a bot.. #justsaying... :)
9:39 AM May 22nd
this bot says hello ...., hope you're fine. I miss you and ur blog and I wonder if all is OK with you. Do take care of yourself. Bye...bye.
10:18 AM May 22nd
So yeah, there are many bots and I use them to do my business but this is my message to you all.
MW is here too if you need her. And I didn't see that last bit, take your time and all the best dearie
10:22 AM May 22nd
This is a scheduled post and will self regenerate in 24 hours.
Now go and vote. The Nigerian Blog Awards.
See you on twitter too. And thank you all so much if you've voted, (and voted for me) you are very much appreciated.
I love you, mwah!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The Great Con
Posted in:
Romantic Poems
Nominated Best Writing Blog 2010 The Nigerian Blog Awards. Need a sample?
This is a bit out of character for me, mush romantic me. But yeah, shit happens too.
I got to know a stranger
When he beeped my pager
We later had a merger
And he took over the ledger
Didn’t know he was a forger
A talented artful dodger
Couldn’t believe what he’d done
Until after he had gone
I was the victim of a con
And it was time to mourn
He might now be on the run
But I swear he has not won
Then I got a tip-off call
He was seen with a new doll
I had taken a bad fall
And he was having a ball
I visited him with a carry-all
Shot him in the front hall.
__________________________________________
Do you like what you just read?
Now go and vote. The Nigerian Blog Awards.
This is a bit out of character for me, mush romantic me. But yeah, shit happens too.
I got to know a stranger
When he beeped my pager
We later had a merger
And he took over the ledger
Didn’t know he was a forger
A talented artful dodger
Couldn’t believe what he’d done
Until after he had gone
I was the victim of a con
And it was time to mourn
He might now be on the run
But I swear he has not won
Then I got a tip-off call
He was seen with a new doll
I had taken a bad fall
And he was having a ball
I visited him with a carry-all
Shot him in the front hall.
__________________________________________
Do you like what you just read?
Now go and vote. The Nigerian Blog Awards.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Naija Blog Awards
Posted in:
So how do I start this post, lol...
Like most of you know, Myne Whitman has been nominated for four categories at the ongoing Nigerian Blog Awards. I am thrilled and humbled at the same time as a bit worried. It shows that you guys appreciate what I am doing here and motivates me to do more. On that not I say, thank you all so much, especially to those that nominated my blog. And to all of you that come around here, read, feedback and follow, I really appreciate you all. I am worried of the expectations that may follow but WTH, right?
Now this voting is going to be a difficult one for me. Why? As you can see below, I am up with some of the people I admire and are friends with here on blogger. In fact I am up with the NAIJASTORIES - the story sharing site I manage so what to do? I am also not very competitive so I am tempted to say go and vote for the others. BUT! When people like Vera have declared me an enemy, what choice do I have eh? LOL. Abeg go and vote for me now now. Yes I mean now, lol.
Finally, lets give it up for the organizers of the awards. Fronted by Good Naija Girl. The Nigerian Blog Awards is a great way to build our community of naija blogsville. All the blogs you ever wished you knew are listed on there from A - Z. For a blogger junkie like me, you now know where I found you from. So no matter who you vote for, (me, me, me!) lets make this a success by turning out en masse (yeah, yeah yeah, this is not the 2011 Nigerian elections.) I know but it's still cool to vote. Voting has started so go go go>>>>>>
So these are the categories, and even before I forget, vote Naija Stories for Best Collabo. Myne Whitman Writes is not really a group blog even though Atala likes to think otherwise, he's my partner in crime everywhere, lol.
Best Writing or Book blog
Like most of you know, Myne Whitman has been nominated for four categories at the ongoing Nigerian Blog Awards. I am thrilled and humbled at the same time as a bit worried. It shows that you guys appreciate what I am doing here and motivates me to do more. On that not I say, thank you all so much, especially to those that nominated my blog. And to all of you that come around here, read, feedback and follow, I really appreciate you all. I am worried of the expectations that may follow but WTH, right?
Now this voting is going to be a difficult one for me. Why? As you can see below, I am up with some of the people I admire and are friends with here on blogger. In fact I am up with the NAIJASTORIES - the story sharing site I manage so what to do? I am also not very competitive so I am tempted to say go and vote for the others. BUT! When people like Vera have declared me an enemy, what choice do I have eh? LOL. Abeg go and vote for me now now. Yes I mean now, lol.
Finally, lets give it up for the organizers of the awards. Fronted by Good Naija Girl. The Nigerian Blog Awards is a great way to build our community of naija blogsville. All the blogs you ever wished you knew are listed on there from A - Z. For a blogger junkie like me, you now know where I found you from. So no matter who you vote for, (me, me, me!) lets make this a success by turning out en masse (yeah, yeah yeah, this is not the 2011 Nigerian elections.) I know but it's still cool to vote. Voting has started so go go go>>>>>>
So these are the categories, and even before I forget, vote Naija Stories for Best Collabo. Myne Whitman Writes is not really a group blog even though Atala likes to think otherwise, he's my partner in crime everywhere, lol.
- Best Group or Collaborative Blog
- Best Use of Media, including Social Media
SERIOUSLY, WHAT ARE YOU STILLL DOING HERE???? NOW GO VOTE>>>>>>>>>>
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Getting packed for New York.
So what should I put in?
Books ....check
More books ....check.
Passport ....check -can you see it?
Books ....check
More books ....check.
Passport ....check -can you see it?
Oh yes...My box .....check
What should I pack? What is the weather like? New York peeps where una, and please suggestions on what to do are welcome. See you guys and the Lady soon.
All I'm thinking of. (Poem)
Posted in:
Romantic Poems
You are all I’m thinking of
Those times I find it hard to sleep
The times I am rushed with work
When I walk down the road
When I sit with my friends
You are all I’m thinking of
You are all I’m thinking of
When the clouds turn dark
And rain drives down from the heavens
Now the days are so quickly gone
And the skies become dark
You are all I’m thinking of
You are all I’m thinking of
To make you a part of my life
To be able to say I love you
To give you the best of me
To tell you from the heart
You are all I’m thinking of...
************************************
So who are you thinking of? Your family in a different state or country from where you are? Your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé? Have you told them? Now is the time o cos this life is so short, no one knows tomorrow. Do not put off for tomorrow what you can do today, live your dream now!
Have a lovely weekend all and see you in New York soon.
Those times I find it hard to sleep
The times I am rushed with work
When I walk down the road
When I sit with my friends
You are all I’m thinking of
You are all I’m thinking of
When the clouds turn dark
And rain drives down from the heavens
Now the days are so quickly gone
And the skies become dark
You are all I’m thinking of
You are all I’m thinking of
To make you a part of my life
To be able to say I love you
To give you the best of me
To tell you from the heart
You are all I’m thinking of...
************************************
So who are you thinking of? Your family in a different state or country from where you are? Your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé? Have you told them? Now is the time o cos this life is so short, no one knows tomorrow. Do not put off for tomorrow what you can do today, live your dream now!
Have a lovely weekend all and see you in New York soon.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A Sneak Peek into my next Project
Posted in:
So I was the first first feature on FabLadyH's new Blog "Becoming a Doctor." Fablady is a wonderful blogger, on part of Kaleidoscope or K'bloggers. She is in her final year of studying medicine and wants us to come with her on the journey. Please go over and show her some love.
So on her feature page, I answered alot of few questions for her on writing and what my current and next projects are. Have you been following my WIP? Find the sneak peak into what it is all about below.
*******************************
Tell us your latest news?
My blog, Myne Whitman Writes has been nominated in four categories in the on-going Nigerian Blog Awards - Best Collaborative, Best use of Media, Best writing and Nigerian blog of the year. The group story sharing site which I manage - Naija Stories has also been nominated in the Best Group Blog category.
When and why did you begin writing?
I have been writing for a very long time, as far back as primary/secondary school. However, I seriously began writing and saving my scripts in university.
When did you first consider yourself a writer?
It must be just last year after I decided to pursue full time writing and especially now that my novel A Heart to Mend is published.
What inspired you to write your first book?
The concept of love, plain and simple.
Do you have a specific writing style?
I like to describe my writing as simple and descriptive. I do not like grandiloquence and try to convey my dialogue in a very direct and relatable way.
How did you come up with the title?
I was bouncing ideas around with my SO and Mended Hearts came up. A Heart to Mend was not far behind.
Is there a message in your novel that you want readers to grasp?
The message is that love is real, it is possible, people and places cannot stop it. And also that if you let love, it will mend your heart.
How much of the book is realistic?
It is very realistic. Set in Lagos, it will give you a sense of the place as well as the characters that populate it.
Are the experiences based on someone you know, or events in your own life?
Not really, except for the universal theme of love. I too like Edward, made a decision to allow love in my life.
What books have most influenced your life most?
The bible
If you had to choose, which writer would you consider a mentor?
If it someone close to me who works with me, it has to be my husband. But I admire the works of Buchi Emecheta.
What book are you reading now?
The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan
Are there any new authors that have grasped your interest?
Lara Daniels and her new book, Love in Paradise. She is also a Nigerian romance author writing under a pseudonym.
What are your current projects?
I am working on another romance novel as well as a few short stories. I edit and publish at www.naijastories.com and also contribute at African Goddess and Bella Naija online magazines.
Name one entity that you feel supported you outside of family members.
Blogger especially the Nigerian Blog community.
Do you see writing as a career?
Yes I do. I am a full-time writer now.
If you had to do it all over again, would you change anything in your latest book?
Maybe reduce the financial jargon, but then again, a few people say they learnt a lot from it. I also learnt a lot while doing the research.
Do you recall how your interest in writing originated?
I think it came from reading a lot. And then when I was house bound as a precocious pre-teen, I started writing of the kind of adventures I wished I could go out and have.
Can you share a little of your next project with us?
My next novel is about one part of a twin, Kevwe, and his love interest Efe. After dating in university, they are separated by circumstances unknown to both of. Ten years later, they meet again and sparks begin to fly.
Is there anything you find particularly challenging in your writing?
It can be an emotional drain sometimes. I also like to do a lot of research about the subjects that crop up so that it can be as real as possible.
Do you have any advice for other writers?
They should keep writing. Practice makes better. :)
Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?
Thanks for coming with me on this journey and I hope we'll continue to support each other in the coming times. I love you all.
So on her feature page, I answered a
*******************************
Tell us your latest news?
When and why did you begin writing?
I have been writing for a very long time, as far back as primary/secondary school. However, I seriously began writing and saving my scripts in university.
When did you first consider yourself a writer?
It must be just last year after I decided to pursue full time writing and especially now that my novel A Heart to Mend is published.
What inspired you to write your first book?
The concept of love, plain and simple.
Do you have a specific writing style?
I like to describe my writing as simple and descriptive. I do not like grandiloquence and try to convey my dialogue in a very direct and relatable way.
How did you come up with the title?
I was bouncing ideas around with my SO and Mended Hearts came up. A Heart to Mend was not far behind.
Is there a message in your novel that you want readers to grasp?
The message is that love is real, it is possible, people and places cannot stop it. And also that if you let love, it will mend your heart.
How much of the book is realistic?
It is very realistic. Set in Lagos, it will give you a sense of the place as well as the characters that populate it.
Are the experiences based on someone you know, or events in your own life?
Not really, except for the universal theme of love. I too like Edward, made a decision to allow love in my life.
What books have most influenced your life most?
The bible
If you had to choose, which writer would you consider a mentor?
If it someone close to me who works with me, it has to be my husband. But I admire the works of Buchi Emecheta.
What book are you reading now?
The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan
Are there any new authors that have grasped your interest?
Lara Daniels and her new book, Love in Paradise. She is also a Nigerian romance author writing under a pseudonym.
What are your current projects?
I am working on another romance novel as well as a few short stories. I edit and publish at www.naijastories.com and also contribute at African Goddess and Bella Naija online magazines.
Name one entity that you feel supported you outside of family members.
Blogger especially the Nigerian Blog community.
Do you see writing as a career?
Yes I do. I am a full-time writer now.
If you had to do it all over again, would you change anything in your latest book?
Maybe reduce the financial jargon, but then again, a few people say they learnt a lot from it. I also learnt a lot while doing the research.
Do you recall how your interest in writing originated?
I think it came from reading a lot. And then when I was house bound as a precocious pre-teen, I started writing of the kind of adventures I wished I could go out and have.
Can you share a little of your next project with us?
My next novel is about one part of a twin, Kevwe, and his love interest Efe. After dating in university, they are separated by circumstances unknown to both of. Ten years later, they meet again and sparks begin to fly.
Is there anything you find particularly challenging in your writing?
It can be an emotional drain sometimes. I also like to do a lot of research about the subjects that crop up so that it can be as real as possible.
Do you have any advice for other writers?
They should keep writing. Practice makes better. :)
Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?
Thanks for coming with me on this journey and I hope we'll continue to support each other in the coming times. I love you all.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
When Love is Gone - Conclusion
Posted in:
dating
,
Relationship Articles
Read the BEGINNING...
While I was at work, I decided that I would move out from the flat I had shared with my ex. Our rent was due by the end of the month and I was not going to renew. We paid in six monthly installments and not only could I not afford it, I could deal without the memories of our time there together. I talked to myself sternly after that. I decided that if my ex was remapping his life, maybe I needed to do the same. I drew up an excel sheet on my computer and fashioned a short-term goal and something to do with myself as if I was writing a business proposal. It was almost the end of June and I was convinced that I could get my life together before the end of the year.
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I will survive, I kept telling myself. I hummed the song by Gloria Gaynor and downloaded it from Limewire into my mp3 player. I listened to it so much the funny part of me that remained worried that it would fade away. I took the humor as a sign that I was on the right track. I called my friend some days later to tell her of my decision. She stayed with some relatives and we began to plan of moving in together in a smaller place. The following week, I contacted some estate agents and gave them details of what we wanted. I ended up with a few places to go and visit that week. In addition, I had plans to have dinner with friends. The plan had originally been for "both of us" to go out with the newly married couple. I almost chickened out but in the end, I went ahead since they were my friends and already knew.
I worked at a place where I had access to the internet. I could also browse on my phone when the network was good. I had the highest bill ever that first couple of months after the breakup. I was also reprimanded at work by my immediate superior. We were on good terms or it would have been something more serious. I was always online scouring the web for information on breakups and of course, came across those "Get your ex back" links. I was weak and I gave in. I also regularly went snooping to his Facebook page and tried to decode what was happening in his life. I felt I would shatter if I found out he was dating again. I loved to read and shopped for books regularly but the few times I found myself at a bookstore, it was usually in the self-help section.
I picked up books on relationships and dealing with breakups and browsed through them keenly. I tried to remember everything I read so I wouldn’t have to buy the book and bring it back to our new flat. I didn’t want anything to spoil the façade I was showing to my friend and new roommate. I finally bought a book from a roving vendor which I would leave in my office. It was titled “Making up after a quarrel with your partner”. I devoured the book looking for answers and tips on what to do. I knew I was deceiving myself. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted my ex back. We had spoken only a couple of times on the phone since then. Yes I called him. I’m not proud of it but I pored over the book and saw that it said I should give my ex space for a while and work on myself. Then he would somehow miraculously want to get back with me. I sincerely prayed so.
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I had friends who texted, emailed, and called me all the time. My mother and my sisters also visited and stayed with me at different points in those first six months. They were my support network and were there for me whenever I felt myself sliding into depression. They helped me stay grounded and in control. At the times I felt like running mad or cursing my ex out, they appealed to my higher senses and got me to calm down. I will admit that I did not stick to all the stages I laid out in my short term plan for getting over it. I gave myself a month but it took close to three to get over the disbelief and shock. I was still angry and hurt sometimes. One day I say my ex online – we had remained friends on Facebook – and began a chat with him. I wanted to ask him again for us to get back together. Luckily, I didn’t get to make such a fool of myself. He logged off after a couple of minutes begging work.
I told myself that I had to refuse to let myself sink into depression and wreck my life. This was repeated to me by family and friends. There were days I did not want to get out of bed. There were many of such days. I made a pact with my closest sister to call her at any time when I wanted or felt like it. Looking back, I think knowing there was someone I was accountable to helped a great deal. I'm not saying I never had down days or days where I never wanted to talk to another person but always in the back of my mind was the commitment I had made to the ones that cared about me that I was going to get through this and come out a better woman. By October I was going out more, hanging out with my girlfriends at weddings and birthdays and thinking of dating again. Some people told me it was too soon to think about another relationship but I had a couple of solid guys who were interested in me.
My roommate encouraged me to give them a chance. I went out with them then mostly because I liked the distraction. By November, it was more than that, at least for one of the guys who had stuck around. I knew I was ready to open up my feelings if not my heart. I knew I was ready to date. My ex had been my first real boyfriend and I was in the dating pool again. I did not know the etiquette or how to handle different guys at the same time. I had to think about how I would behave in certain situations and how I would react to certain things. I ran through mock scenarios in my head and had long heart to hearts with my roommate. She dated off-and-on but was single most of the time. She became my dating coach and agent. I also had to rethink what I wanted in a man I would spend the long term with. I had not dated extensively so I think about the qualities I wanted in a man. I thought of all the good in my ex and then I thought of the bad. At a point I had to make myself realize it was futile to dwell on the past. Everyone agreed that I should just focus on the there and then and I did.
.jpg)
It was a bit difficult though getting through my ex’s birthday at the end of December. I had usually made a big deal of his birthdays and since this was his big three zero, I had even begun to make plans in my head for it just before out breakup. It threw me that it was such a big deal for me. I was moody for most of the day, sneaking to his page to see who had left him messages and angling for information from mutual friends. That was another thing that made things hard. The friends. Some of his friends cut me off and even some that had been my friend before they became “our” friend also avoided me after the breakup, especially the couples. My roommate advised me to cut all of them off and even my ex but I couldn’t. I had been friends with him before we began to date and recently, we could pass a few minutes on chat without me getting emotional. He was now in America and maybe that helped too. Finally, I sent him a message on Facebook with a card containing some well wishes.
In two months, it will be a year since we broke up. I have since realized that moving on is a continuous exercise just like the tense. It's a lot of on-going hard work. "Moved on" is the goal towards which I am working. Each day I am preparing and inching closer to it when I affirm myself and do things that move me towards the goal. Saying I've moved on does not necessarily make it so. In addition, there is no need for me to flog myself when I feel down because as long as I keep working on it, I will get there. I believe that I'll be ready for what is next when I've completely moved on. In a week, it will be the anniversary of the day my ex had first asked me out to begin a serious relationship. By this time last year, I had been dreaming that we could make it a double anniversary but it hadn’t turned out that way. I have made peace with it. There are no bells and whistles and no fireworks. I’m just glad that I’m at the stage where I know myself better and know that I have got over my ex even if not fully.
.jpg)
It is enough to know that he does not take up most of my life like he did when we were together and even more when we first split. I have begun to look outwards and forwards. When I make decisions, I think about the type of person I am and who I want to be. I ask myself what type of person I need to be in order to ensure that I am ready for the next stage of my life, possibly with another man. Yes I can think that now. I do invest more in myself and I take care of myself a lot more too nowadays. I had learnt to do it for me but now I also think of how it will help my chances of meeting a good partner. Yes I am working on myself for the benefit of myself; yet, I am not blind to the benefits to others and how it enriches my relations with those around me. I know that no amount of denial, bargaining, anger or depression is going to recover my broken relationship. I have accepted that heartbreak as a part of life. It's not good or bad...it is just how it is. So I have decided to keep moving on, to find joy in my live and to bring joy to others. I am dating another guy. It cannot say how long it will last but I really like him and I know he likes me too. I’m taking it a day at a time. The most important thing is; I have survived. I am fine.
THE END
*Pictures from Google images
*The story is a fictionalised version of this BLOG
*First published as "I will Survive" on Afrikan Goddess
*Published as "When Love is Gone" by The New Black Magazine.
While I was at work, I decided that I would move out from the flat I had shared with my ex. Our rent was due by the end of the month and I was not going to renew. We paid in six monthly installments and not only could I not afford it, I could deal without the memories of our time there together. I talked to myself sternly after that. I decided that if my ex was remapping his life, maybe I needed to do the same. I drew up an excel sheet on my computer and fashioned a short-term goal and something to do with myself as if I was writing a business proposal. It was almost the end of June and I was convinced that I could get my life together before the end of the year.
.jpg)
I will survive, I kept telling myself. I hummed the song by Gloria Gaynor and downloaded it from Limewire into my mp3 player. I listened to it so much the funny part of me that remained worried that it would fade away. I took the humor as a sign that I was on the right track. I called my friend some days later to tell her of my decision. She stayed with some relatives and we began to plan of moving in together in a smaller place. The following week, I contacted some estate agents and gave them details of what we wanted. I ended up with a few places to go and visit that week. In addition, I had plans to have dinner with friends. The plan had originally been for "both of us" to go out with the newly married couple. I almost chickened out but in the end, I went ahead since they were my friends and already knew.
I worked at a place where I had access to the internet. I could also browse on my phone when the network was good. I had the highest bill ever that first couple of months after the breakup. I was also reprimanded at work by my immediate superior. We were on good terms or it would have been something more serious. I was always online scouring the web for information on breakups and of course, came across those "Get your ex back" links. I was weak and I gave in. I also regularly went snooping to his Facebook page and tried to decode what was happening in his life. I felt I would shatter if I found out he was dating again. I loved to read and shopped for books regularly but the few times I found myself at a bookstore, it was usually in the self-help section.
I picked up books on relationships and dealing with breakups and browsed through them keenly. I tried to remember everything I read so I wouldn’t have to buy the book and bring it back to our new flat. I didn’t want anything to spoil the façade I was showing to my friend and new roommate. I finally bought a book from a roving vendor which I would leave in my office. It was titled “Making up after a quarrel with your partner”. I devoured the book looking for answers and tips on what to do. I knew I was deceiving myself. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted my ex back. We had spoken only a couple of times on the phone since then. Yes I called him. I’m not proud of it but I pored over the book and saw that it said I should give my ex space for a while and work on myself. Then he would somehow miraculously want to get back with me. I sincerely prayed so.
.jpg)
I had friends who texted, emailed, and called me all the time. My mother and my sisters also visited and stayed with me at different points in those first six months. They were my support network and were there for me whenever I felt myself sliding into depression. They helped me stay grounded and in control. At the times I felt like running mad or cursing my ex out, they appealed to my higher senses and got me to calm down. I will admit that I did not stick to all the stages I laid out in my short term plan for getting over it. I gave myself a month but it took close to three to get over the disbelief and shock. I was still angry and hurt sometimes. One day I say my ex online – we had remained friends on Facebook – and began a chat with him. I wanted to ask him again for us to get back together. Luckily, I didn’t get to make such a fool of myself. He logged off after a couple of minutes begging work.
I told myself that I had to refuse to let myself sink into depression and wreck my life. This was repeated to me by family and friends. There were days I did not want to get out of bed. There were many of such days. I made a pact with my closest sister to call her at any time when I wanted or felt like it. Looking back, I think knowing there was someone I was accountable to helped a great deal. I'm not saying I never had down days or days where I never wanted to talk to another person but always in the back of my mind was the commitment I had made to the ones that cared about me that I was going to get through this and come out a better woman. By October I was going out more, hanging out with my girlfriends at weddings and birthdays and thinking of dating again. Some people told me it was too soon to think about another relationship but I had a couple of solid guys who were interested in me.
My roommate encouraged me to give them a chance. I went out with them then mostly because I liked the distraction. By November, it was more than that, at least for one of the guys who had stuck around. I knew I was ready to open up my feelings if not my heart. I knew I was ready to date. My ex had been my first real boyfriend and I was in the dating pool again. I did not know the etiquette or how to handle different guys at the same time. I had to think about how I would behave in certain situations and how I would react to certain things. I ran through mock scenarios in my head and had long heart to hearts with my roommate. She dated off-and-on but was single most of the time. She became my dating coach and agent. I also had to rethink what I wanted in a man I would spend the long term with. I had not dated extensively so I think about the qualities I wanted in a man. I thought of all the good in my ex and then I thought of the bad. At a point I had to make myself realize it was futile to dwell on the past. Everyone agreed that I should just focus on the there and then and I did.
.jpg)
It was a bit difficult though getting through my ex’s birthday at the end of December. I had usually made a big deal of his birthdays and since this was his big three zero, I had even begun to make plans in my head for it just before out breakup. It threw me that it was such a big deal for me. I was moody for most of the day, sneaking to his page to see who had left him messages and angling for information from mutual friends. That was another thing that made things hard. The friends. Some of his friends cut me off and even some that had been my friend before they became “our” friend also avoided me after the breakup, especially the couples. My roommate advised me to cut all of them off and even my ex but I couldn’t. I had been friends with him before we began to date and recently, we could pass a few minutes on chat without me getting emotional. He was now in America and maybe that helped too. Finally, I sent him a message on Facebook with a card containing some well wishes.
In two months, it will be a year since we broke up. I have since realized that moving on is a continuous exercise just like the tense. It's a lot of on-going hard work. "Moved on" is the goal towards which I am working. Each day I am preparing and inching closer to it when I affirm myself and do things that move me towards the goal. Saying I've moved on does not necessarily make it so. In addition, there is no need for me to flog myself when I feel down because as long as I keep working on it, I will get there. I believe that I'll be ready for what is next when I've completely moved on. In a week, it will be the anniversary of the day my ex had first asked me out to begin a serious relationship. By this time last year, I had been dreaming that we could make it a double anniversary but it hadn’t turned out that way. I have made peace with it. There are no bells and whistles and no fireworks. I’m just glad that I’m at the stage where I know myself better and know that I have got over my ex even if not fully.
.jpg)
It is enough to know that he does not take up most of my life like he did when we were together and even more when we first split. I have begun to look outwards and forwards. When I make decisions, I think about the type of person I am and who I want to be. I ask myself what type of person I need to be in order to ensure that I am ready for the next stage of my life, possibly with another man. Yes I can think that now. I do invest more in myself and I take care of myself a lot more too nowadays. I had learnt to do it for me but now I also think of how it will help my chances of meeting a good partner. Yes I am working on myself for the benefit of myself; yet, I am not blind to the benefits to others and how it enriches my relations with those around me. I know that no amount of denial, bargaining, anger or depression is going to recover my broken relationship. I have accepted that heartbreak as a part of life. It's not good or bad...it is just how it is. So I have decided to keep moving on, to find joy in my live and to bring joy to others. I am dating another guy. It cannot say how long it will last but I really like him and I know he likes me too. I’m taking it a day at a time. The most important thing is; I have survived. I am fine.
THE END
*Pictures from Google images
*The story is a fictionalised version of this BLOG
*First published as "I will Survive" on Afrikan Goddess
*Published as "When Love is Gone" by The New Black Magazine.
Monday, May 24, 2010
AHTM Book Tour in New York!
Posted in:
Where:
Captain Cafe
34 East 32nd Street,
New York, NY 10016-5503
(212) 779-0003
When:
Tuesday June 1, 2010 (6 - 8PM)
Thursday June 3, 2010 (6 - 8PM)
Friday June 4, 2010 (7 - 9PM)
Saturday June 5, 2010 (Bloggers Summer Event - TBC)
Do you want to see Myne Whitman? Well the time has come.
Atala and I will be spending a few days in New York for our vacation this summer but as a self-employed person, you hardly stop working. So I have been able to negotiate a few evenings to dedicate to book readings, signings and networking. This is an opportunity for me to meet with you guys and I'm grabbing it. If you want to contact me more personally before the event for sponsorship or VIP treatement, send me email at Myne @ Mynewhitman.com.
But why would you want to attend? The following are reasons you may want to come...
1. Because you want to see me in person.
2. Because there will be lattes or your choice of coffee.
3. Because you are my your blogger friend :):)
4. Because you like my writing.
5. Because you want to buy an autographed copy of A Heart to Mend!
The following books by Nigerian Authors are up for grabs too! FREE!
A Heart to Mend - Moi! (Raffle draw at the Blogger Event)
In my dreams it was simpler - FG and the Team
Love in Paradise - Lara Daniels
The Mrs Club - Ekene Onu
Zara the Windseeker
To Saint Patrick - Eghosa Imaseun
Measuring Time - Helon Habila
Becoming Abigail - Chris Abani
Captain Cafe
34 East 32nd Street,
New York, NY 10016-5503
(212) 779-0003
When:
Tuesday June 1, 2010 (6 - 8PM)
Thursday June 3, 2010 (6 - 8PM)
Friday June 4, 2010 (7 - 9PM)
Saturday June 5, 2010 (Bloggers Summer Event - TBC)
Do you want to see Myne Whitman? Well the time has come.
Atala and I will be spending a few days in New York for our vacation this summer but as a self-employed person, you hardly stop working. So I have been able to negotiate a few evenings to dedicate to book readings, signings and networking. This is an opportunity for me to meet with you guys and I'm grabbing it. If you want to contact me more personally before the event for sponsorship or VIP treatement, send me email at Myne @ Mynewhitman.com.
But why would you want to attend? The following are reasons you may want to come...
1. Because you want to see me in person.
2. Because there will be lattes or your choice of coffee.
3. Because you are my your blogger friend :):)
4. Because you like my writing.
5. Because you want to buy an autographed copy of A Heart to Mend!
The following books by Nigerian Authors are up for grabs too! FREE!
A Heart to Mend - Moi! (Raffle draw at the Blogger Event)
In my dreams it was simpler - FG and the Team
Love in Paradise - Lara Daniels
The Mrs Club - Ekene Onu
Zara the Windseeker
To Saint Patrick - Eghosa Imaseun
Measuring Time - Helon Habila
Becoming Abigail - Chris Abani
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