Dear Myne - Is She Just Toying With Me?

I had a short but passionate relationship for 2 months with a girl that in the third month started to get distant so I got annoyed and broke it up suddenly. Well, I am really in love so I went back with my tail btw my legs and started courting her again. Its been a month of a toaster life. I txt her, email her, once sent her flowers on a special occasion. She gets back to me, we talk daily, but not with the frequency and passion we had at the beginning. I initiate it most of the time.

This is currently a long distance relationship. I stand on a fine thread where I might get tired of toasting with no clear sign from her and eventually get bitter at her. I am happy to be a toaster as I like romance and winning back a heart even if it makes me vulnerable. I am going to give it another month or so of persistence regardless of her poor feedback then I am done.

Music Video - Timi Dakolo's Great Nation

The romance in this video is the one between a man and his country. Timi Dakolo's music really impresses me and I love this song a lot. But as I listen, I also sigh and wish and wish and sigh. I am older and I have been wishing and sighing for a long time, from the time I could vote but the military were in power, or when the small politics I took part in at university department level had its own K-leg. And then I had to ask myself why I was worrying about those at state and national levels?

Hmmm...I still hope though. Nigeria WILL get there. Someday.

Date Night Movie Review - Flight

Atala - The trailer for this movie pointed a movie which seemed morally ambiguous. Should I, the viewer, be rooting for a character who was such a skilled pilot that he was able to save the majority of the passengers when the plane they were flying on suffered a serious malfunction? Or should I condemn him because it turned out that he had been drinking alcohol on the flight?

With these questions buzzing in my mind, we went to watch the movie. And I should say that the first thirty minutes or so were some of the most dramatic scenes that I have watched in a long while. All I can say is that if you have a fear of flying, you probably won't want to watch them. But after that drama was over, the movie settled into a slower pace, and the what the movie really was about - an alcoholic pilot in denial - came to the fore.

Denzel Washington, who played the lead role, did a great job here. I found myself alternately willing him to slay his addiction demons and mentally washing my hands off him as he relapsed again and again in the movie, especially as the consequences of continuing on his course of destruction would be pretty dire.

Library of Congress, Washington DC - Weekend Pictures

As winter knocks on the door over here, bringing cold temperatures, ice pellets, rain and more rain, I look back with fondness to this summer and our brief time in Virginia and DC. I remember back then though when we landed at the airport, it was over 100 degrees and I felt like I would either fry like an egg in a pan, or melt and steam away. Now I want some of that heat to magically be transferred to Seattle. I wonder how warm or cold it is there, right now.

Anyway, we took the train to our hotel in Alexandria, rested in the air-conditioned confines of our room and by the evening, I was feeling more adjusted. We went out for dinner, settled for Chinese takeaway, and while they were getting it ready, we took a stroll around the area.

Arranged Marriage Versus Personal Choice

A lot of couples these days find love through their own personal choice, by meeting people with shared interests, beliefs, and values either at work, at school, or at play. Along the line, they date, court and then decide if they are right for each other and if they can agree to live together and maybe get married.

Arranged marriage on the other hand involves the parents and relatives of those involved. Most times, there's marriage on the cards from the get go and it often happens within a short time after meeting. I want to think that these days, arranged marriages may involve some coercion and pressure but not force.

I have found that younger people are more gung-ho about making their own personal choice, but the older a man or a woman gets, especially if they have made the rounds of their social and dating circle with no luck, the more likely they are to be open to an arrangement by their parents or older relatives to meet new people and get married quickly.

What do you think? Which has more pros in your opinion?

Joseph Benjamin on his Marriage and Separation

If you ask me, I'll say separation, while it is not encouraged, is not uncommon in Nigeria. Scores of people I know live separate lives with their spouses mostly in different homes and sometimes even in different countries. A few times, they even live in the same house and still do their own business. What is more frowned upon is going the legal route of getting a divorce, I put this down to our religious and traditional backgrounds.

On my part, I'll never support marriage for marriage sake, but only when it is healthy and beneficial to the couple and any children they have. Recently, Joseph Benjamin - Nigerian actor and presenter - got the full weight of public disapproval when it came to light that he was separated from his ex-wife and mother of his two children. There were other rumors surrounding the announcement some of which he has addressed in this press release below.

“I was married for 8 years. It was a rather odd situation at that time. She got pregnant and I didn’t want to have a child out of wedlock and so I married her so we could build a home together for the unborn child. Things weren’t rosy then, but I believed it was the right thing to do for the sake of the child.

How to Have a Lasting Online Romance

This is another Search #1 keyword that bring people to this blog. I personally met Atala online and we made it thus far, and I know of several other success stories. The major advantage of online romance is the privacy, and safety it provides. You don’t need to expose everything about you immediately.

Stuff like your telephone number, address, where you work and family details can and should be kept under wraps for a while. It is only when you trust the other person more that you can decide how open to be.

Online romance gives you the control, you can decide when and how to reveal any type of information. You can also completely back off at any time, if you feel like something is going wrong or the other person is not who they say they are. Changing your email addresses, or blocking a chat buddy or access to your FB or twitter profile, is much easier than keeping someone out of your physical space.

What Comes After Saying I am Sorry

I think it is part of us as humans to have a sense of fairness and to want justice so if we are forced to apologize against our will, it can be very difficult. Also, if the so-called offender thinks the apology will demean their self-pride, they might shirk from doing the right thing.

When I used to be a school teacher - my mum runs a private school and that was also my first job after NYSC - I got to interact with little kids a lot and learnt a lot from the experience too. One of the things common with a lot of children is that though they are easily offended, they are also quick to forgive.

First though is that they like to report. If you're the only adult or the favorite one in a place with loads of kids, the complaints will be coming thick and fast. "Aunty, B stepped on my foot!" "Aunty, X pinched me!" Aunty, E called me a bad name!" And so on, lol. It's left to you to make the peace as quickly as you can. Most times, this involved calling on the offender to say “I’m sorry.”

Dear Myne - I have Commitment Issues

I love your blog and I do not know if you could oblige me by posting my 'issue' up there. How can one overcome the fear of commitment? I have been dating a wonderful man for three years and the fear of even getting a proposal scares me that I break out in cold sweats. I broke off the relationship twice and got back again. I am afraid he may not be the one. I'd really appreciate some good advice.

We met during NYSC programme and started dating few months afterwards. We have the same values and principles on salient issues and he is very committed to God like I am. He has a sense of duty and commitment and my folks like him though we are from different tribes. He knows how to care for me, even though we quarrel we try to sort things up as soon as possible.

We had a did long distance relationship lfor about a year but he lives closer in Ogun State and I in Lagos so we visit each other every two weeks most cases. All in all, he is someone I would like to marry though I get upset with him when he doesn't call me often cos he is busy or tired from work (he's into marketing) and we can get into huge fights. I attribute that to distance issues.

Touching Her by Lelouch

She smiled at me, she winked, she laughed…but I couldn’t touch her. She was right in front of me but I could not adjust her long, dark hair, tilt her oval chin or trace a playful line down a side of her glowing face. She wanted me to hold her, I saw it in her eyes, yet I didn’t. We talked for several short hours throughout that day on life, love, politics and the future. We made and played beautiful music and told tales of the nostalgic past.

I looked away again, made no attempt to hide my false interest in the surrounding scenery because I’d somehow noticed how her smile got brighter when she thought I wasn’t paying attention. I totally deceived her. She thought I was staring at other things…but I was only trying to get a better view. All of my optical focus was directed to peripheral vision so I could ‘scope’ her face, optimally. No harm in that tiny bit of dishonesty, eh?