Kate Henshaw on Domestic Violence and Divorce

Domestic Violence and Divorce are hot button topics in relationships and marriage discussions among women, and often, many who face these issues keep silent for fear of being stigmatized. It is certainly not what most of us wish for, but sometimes they happen. Kate Henshaw (Actress and TV Show Judge) says in a recent interview, that when they do, a woman has to know that it's possible to "stand up, dust yourself and move on." Her thoughts...

As a woman, and also as a celebrity, what are your views on domestic violence?
My views are very strong. Anyone who knows me would know that I am in the forefront of anything concerning domestic violence. I am an ambassador for Project Alert. Domestic violence has been with us for long. It’s just that these days, there are more people who are not concerned with keeping quiet. Titi Arowolo is dead, there are so many other people who have died. People think that if you are working in a bank or if you’re some big woman, you can’t be a victim of domestic violence. That is a big lie. It occurs across all social levels.

I once read an interview where you mentioned you were a victim of domestic violence in a relationship.
(Laughs) I’m laughing now and I’m glad I can laugh. It’s good to be able to look back and laugh at your problems. Yes I was a victim of violence in a relationship and it wasn’t pleasant. So I can really understand where a lot of people are coming from. I didn’t have the strength to stand up and move on my own. I had to go on my knees and pray to God for help. Each time I tried to move on, there would be apologies, and I was afraid to step out and start a new relationship but I’m glad I’ve come through it and now I can help people in similar situations.

Should You Get Back together with an Ex?

When Taylor Swift was doing the TV rounds to promote her latest album Red, the single that she performed most often was the one above. She told the ladies on The View why she wrote the song from her experience with some exes who sometimes refused to remain in the past. She laughed a lot as she told the story and I could see where she was coming from, if the ex was a real cuckoo.

But what if the ex was one of those, the one that got away. Someone you thought was your soul mate until something happened to break you guys up. I have sometimes heard from friends and other women how they dream that some of their exes would come back one day and say they made a mistake and should never have let them go. My romantic heart actually wrote two exes back together in A Love Rekindled, lol. Below are some pros and cons of getting back with an ex...

Don't Take Them Back Because...

1. You Can Never Make It Like It Used to Be
Some relationships simply can't withstand that moment when the magic ends. No need to get back together and beat a dead horse.

Recipe for Spicy Lentils with Spinach

Lentils was one of the foods I discovered when I moved to the UK from Nigeria and faced the scarcity or exorbitant prices of Nigerian foods in Scotland. Lentils were available in the shops and the price was right. When I made it too, the taste was right. Lentils, I believe are Indian by origin and the best I ever ate was by an Indian friend with loads of curry. Since then, I also make mine with all the spices I keep around, just not too much.

Ingredients

1 bag lentils, picked and rinsed
3 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 medium sized Onion, chopped
2 or 3 large tomatoes, diced
1 teaspoon ground pepper
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon ground tumeric
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon ground oregano
2 cubes of maggi or knorr (optional)
I bag of frozen cut-leaf spinach leaves, thawed
Salt to taste

The Fears of Marriage by Amma Twum-Baah

It used to be that men were the ones who feared losing their independence to marriage. Today, a rising number of women are beginning to experience this fear as well. Blame it on women having more freedom and control over their own lives, but this fear is real as I found out in the many email responses I received when I posted the question on my Facebook page. While the reasons for this fear are common, they are also varied in terms of experiences and the perceived end results.

But despite this fear, many women still say they won’t think twice about making that proverbial trip down the aisle. Others are so scared that they have ruled out the idea of marriage altogether. Here are some of the reasons women gave for being afraid of marriage (in a follow up piece, I’ll tackle the relationship between these fears and the general misconceptions that exist about marriage):

I’m Afraid of Losing My Freedom: Ah, FREEDOM! Who doesn’t cherish freedom? Personally, I left home when I was 19 and moved to the United States to live the independent life. I lived with a family friend for about two years before branching out on my own. I’ve been on my own since. I’ve learned how to survive on my own and how to create and fix my own problems (I did a lot of that too – creating messes).

Genevieve Graham - Sound of the Heart

Genevieve Graham graduated from the University of Toronto in 1986 with a Bachelor of Music in Performance (playing oboe). While on a ski vacation in Alberta she met a really cute guy in the chairlift line-up and they skied together for two days. After the second day she decided she had to have him ... permanently. The couple (now husband and wife) subsequently moved to Calgary and brought two beautiful and talented daughters into the world. They have recently settled in a small, peaceful town in Nova Scotia and are loving their quiet life.

Writing became an essential part of Genevieve's life a few years ago, when she began to write her debut novel, "Under the Same Sky". Her second book, "Sound of the Heart" was released on May 1, 2012.

Date Night Movie Review - Skyfall

Atala - I'm not really a James Bond fan - that's more Myne's department - so I was very lukewarm about going to watch this. Still, I like to keep an open mind, as Myne's choices have turned out to be very rewarding experiences (e.g. Cloud Atlas, which I reviewed a while ago). So I went along with this, hoping I'd be charmed by the Bond magic.

The film opened with a thrilling chase as James Bond (played by Daniel Craig) is in hot pursuit of a man who has stolen a hard drive with information that could compromise the safety of MI6 agents, and it ends with him getting shot and apparently falling to his death. Unfortunately, for me, that was the high point of the film - while there were several other reasonably compelling action scenes later on, none of them came close in making my eyes pop open in astonishment.

In fact, I found the plot of the film rather weak - the villain of the piece is a disgruntled agent who wants revenge on Bond's superior, so he launches an elaborate plot involving computer hackery and subterranean tunnels. And the ending which - in the tradition of all thriller movies - should have ended in a titanic struggle between Bond and the villain was very flat and left me feeling "so that was it?"

Sarkodie ft Efya - Am In Love With You | Music Video Romance

Sarkodie is a Ghanian rapper and I found this video while I was watching another one, No way by Becca and MI. One can easily hear the similarities between the two songs, and another thing that is encouraging is the quality of the song and the musicians - Efya is also a lovely vocalist. Enjoy...

Her Knight by Hannah Onoguwe

The streets had decongested as the day drew to a close and became more of a joy to drive through. It was a typical balmy night in Ibadan, but Eniola didn’t feel any of it as the air conditioning in the car licked over her skin. The air outside was undoubtedly warmer, and right now she was glad it was out there- beyond the cocoon she currently inhabited which smelled of fairly new rich leather and a combination of car deodorizers. The odor was a bit too overwhelming in delivery, she mused, but to each his own. The present company wasn’t much, either, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. At least the evening would soon come to an end. And she wouldn’t be too sorry, either.
When the Benz drew to a stop for no apparent reason, Eniola was surprised but not unduly alarmed. Giving Uncle Edwin an inquisitive look, she asked what the matter was. She hadn’t heard any strange noises and they were still a considerable distance from her house. Maybe he wanted to answer the call of nature- a call men seemed to answer wherever and whenever.
He had half-turned in his seat to face her, his square face relaxed in a smile. “Nothing. I just thought we could talk a bit.”
She tucked a strand of braided hair behind one ear. “We’ve been talking for a major part of the evening,” she said slowly.
“Yes, but there are one or two issues we’re yet to touch.”
Eniola’s heart sank. Did Nigerian men have to be so predictable?
“What issues?”
“Come on, Eniola. You’re not a child. You should know that I like you… I like you very much.”
Actually, she’d been hoping the interest she’d witnessed in his gaze on occasion had been a trick of the light. “So…what exactly are you saying?”

Happy December and World AIDS Day

Today, December 1, is the start of the last month of the year, the countdown to Christmas and also World AIDS Day. I want to congratulate everyone for coming this far, I can't believe the year is almost gone, I am very thankful too for health, and family, and love. And in the spirit of all that, I want to also commemorate the AIDS day by sharing some ways to help limit the spread of the virus.

1. Be Faithful, Abstain or Use Protection

For those who have a regular sex life, being faithful to one person if you're both HIV-. If you're not with someone you trust implicitly, please abstain from sex. If you must, condoms are still the only means to protect against HIV, STDs, and pregnancy. There are now female condoms as well as the male, so more options for everybody.

2. Get Tested and Know your Status

Back in Nigeria, some say AIDS no dey show for face, but that is because it is HIV first, with little to no symptons. It takes a while for the symptoms of the virus to show, so the only way to know your status for sure is to get tested. There are many free and/or voluntary counselling and testing centers around. Take the test, get your results and try to live a more responsible life - positive or negative.

Is This For Real? Journey to the Altar Series

Hello everyone, I'm starting a new series titled Journey to the Altar. Some of the brides and would-be brides, will share with us a brief snapshot of their journey to the altar. Our first contributor wants to remain anonymous, but that does not detract from her funny and heart warming story. Enjoy...

How did you meet your fiance?

Hmmm...I went to spend the weekend with my sister in school because I was so bored at home. She and a couple of her friends happened to be organizing a send forth for a friend of theirs so I tagged along. That evening, I got my hair done, did my nails...needless to say I was feeling like a fine girl. Being that I wear glasses, I dumped them for my contacts. Unfortunately, one lens dropped and I couldn't find it so I was left with just one 'working' eye because I refused to wear my glasses. Lol.

After getting ready we headed to Swé bar (only if my parents knew my whereabouts that night). Anyways we got there, I was having a very good time; I was high on power horse, I was very happy. In our group we were just generally enjoying ourselves and being a mess, next thing this guy comes to ask me to dance...I'm like err ok, when the guy was beginning to get in my space I practically ran away. *covers face*.