Dear Myne - I Find it Difficult to Leave my Abusive Boyfriend

I'm currently in an abusive relationship and the sad thing is I find it difficult to break out. He's someone I have come to love. He's my future.

We have been dating for close to 4 years now and there's no month that passes by without him abusing me. He fits into huntley's definition of a bad guy. Just recently, I caught him red handed having sex with my cousin but still, I love him. I know many of you would rain insults on me for being foolishly in love with a guy who treats me anyhow but the truth is is we've both come a long way and each time I feel like breaking up with him I just find myself not being able to.

He is the one who deflowered me and letting go of him would only cause more pain. I'm confused as to what to do. Something tells me if I break up with him I will never be able to love another guy. Please I need your advise. I'm a lady who's hurting. I feel less than a woman because of this guy.

______
PS - This came in under bad boys and those who love them. I think we can all agree she should leave, great comments will be those that present practical steps that will help her make the decision. And yeah, no raining insults either.

Polyandry - One Woman and More Than One Man

Polygamy is often used when one man marries more than one wife, but the correct term is polygyny.  Polygamy is actually an umbrella for the two words - Polyandry and Polygyny - that involves multiple partner in marriage. Polyandry in contrast to polygyny is where a woman takes two or more husbands at the same time. Most broadly, polyandry refers to sexual relations with multiple males, within or without marriage.

And it is alive and well, and not just in India where it is the culture in some parts of the country, including where the young woman in the picture above lives with her five husbands, as shown in an article by the Sun.

Jacoby Jones and Bachelor Sean Lowe on DWTS

Dancing with the Stars started tonight, and already the competition is heating up. First of all, who is that Jacoby Jones! The guy has got the moves! Maybe his dance steps are not necessarily ballroom, but he was on fire, lol...

OK, I just found that Jacoby Jones is a pro footballer. Tonight, he and dancing partner Karina Smirnoff danced a Cha Cha Cha. Supposedly, Jacoby knew nothing about ballroom dancing before getting on the show, and then he and his partner couldn't start rehearsals until two weeks after the other teams so Jones could recover from knee surgery. I was thinking he would be limping, but the guy nailed it. He's definitely one to watch.

The other male dancer who had a better than average performance is Sean Lowe. During his intro, they showed some magazine covers of his run on the last season on the Bachelor, one got me laughing, they called him the Virgin Bachelor. For those who don't know, Sean is a Christian and though he just got engaged off the Bachelor show, he and his fiance are on the no-sex until the wedding night team. He is on DWTS to learn great dance moves for their wedding reception, and for later that night too, if you get what I mean. All the best to them :)

BTW, the ladies on DWTS are far ahead of the men, I have my favorites already. Who else is watching?

How to Make a Smoothie - Apple, Pear and Yoghurt

Some days you'll have so many fruits you don't know what to do with. Or you just feel too lazy or tired to chew your crunchy fruits. One way to enjoy eating such friends is to make them into a smoothie. I find that I consume twice as much fruits when in a smoothie, than not. You could juice the fruits, but with a smoothie, nothing gets lost. One evening, Atala and I did just that to some apples and pears we had.


Ingredients
1  cup plain low-fat yogurt
2  meduim size Bartlet Pears, cored and cut up
2  Fuji Apples, cored and cut up
1 cup of orange juice
1/2 cup ice cubes

Directions
1. Blend the yoghurt, cut up apple and pears, with the fruit juice on high speed. Add the ice cubes slowly till you get the consistency you want.

These fruits can be replaced with others of your choice. Enjoy!

Satan in History Channel's The Bible Resembles Obama?

I'd heard about The Bible, History Channel's retelling of Bible stories, but haven't been following - I saw enough Bible stories growing up, I have my own bible now, and it clashed with some other shows we were already following. But news today brought my attention to the latest twist to the program. It seems like Twitter and other social media platforms in the US went agog last night when those who watched the latest episode noted the resemblance between President Barack Obama and the Moroccan actor, Mohamen Mehdi Ouazanni, who played Satan.

The topic began to go viral after right-wing radio-host Glenn Beck tweeted about it. Thousands of his followers, and the show's viewers agreed with him, and of course Obama supporters have been up in arms.

To be honest, I was struck by the resemblance myself and was wondering how come we never heard of the actor as an Obama lookalike before now. I only found one picture of the actor, and he doesn't look like Obama, so what gives?

Do you agree there's a resemblance? And if so, could it have been done deliberately for publicity or to discredit Obama?

My Oga at the Top - Which Side are You On?

I said it before that I actually pity the NSCDC commandant that his TV Interview fumble went viral because none of us is above mistakes. I think we took the joke too far, the man is mediocre, he lies and he is an unrepentant incompetent, true, but should the reporters have magnified all this with the website question? I don't know. Do you think all his ogas at the top did not see all this before he was made a commandant? The man is simply a sympton of what ails the Nigerian bureaucracy, and simply mocking him helps nothing.

There has been some reports that he was suspended, but they are unconfirmed and there are other reports seemingly from the NSCDC that says he hasn't. I read a few posts today that got me thinking of this issue again, the main one being an article on Naijastories in defense of the commandant.

Mr. Obafaiye Shem did not grow up in the internet-age. He never had to google a difficult concept for his assignments. He probably keeps an address book and diary for important places, and if you ask him for the physical address of his office, he most likely knows it. He grew up learning physical addresses, not web addresses. He is no different from today’s children who have stored thousands of web addresses in their memory, yet do not know their house number, and have to make several phone calls when filling their physical address in a form. Maybe we needed this incident to remind us of the technology disconnect – the digital divide that separates cultures, and generations. How many offices in the civil service have computers?

Justice is Served in Steubenville High School Rape Case

They might have been young, Trent Mays, 17, and Ma'lik Richmond, 16, but they weren't stupid, they certainly knew what they were doing. And in my opinion, if you do the crime, you do the time. I hope the other people involved also learn a thing or two from the case. Via Yahoo News;

The boys drank. They drove around. They went to each other's houses until 2, 3, 4 in the morning. They exploited permissive parents who let the party continue. They, according to so many locals, knew there were bars that would serve them, liquor stores that would supply them and adults who would look the other way. They were football players being football players.
They slept wherever and whenever they crashed, preferably with some girl. Any girl.
They were allowed the freedoms of young adults, yet lacked the maturity to handle that freedom.

It's a pity their parents and the culture they grew up in did not teach them enough to know how to behave, but at the end of the day, we each have to answer personally to our actions. One of them actually apologized to the parents of the girl they raped, and hopefully by the time they complete their sentence [one year], they would have become more mature.

Between Bad Boys, Bad Girls and Those Who Love Them

After reading this post by Huntly Anabs, I got to thinking about the issue of toxic relationships. I don't like using the word bad and good in this scenario, they're so value laden and binary. The more usual thing is that most of us fall within a spectrum from one end to the other, and sometimes bad stuff happen to good people in relationships when they are not compatible with their partners. So when I use bad boys and bad girls in this post, I mean people who are deliberately cruel and/or abusive to their partners.

After witnessing a physical violence episode between a neighbor, and the neighbor's girlfriend, Huntly calls his neighbour a bad boy;

Now, by all standards, John is someone I would refer to as bad boy; A bad boy because he smokes and drinks excessively? Maybe not. A bad boy because he has a tattoo on his neck and left arm? Far from that. A bad boy because he wears ear rings and carries dread locks? Definitely not. Who then is a bad boy?

A bad boy is a man who abuses a woman physically, emotionally and psychologically. He makes her feel worthless and demands from her what he’s unwilling to give. A bad boy is someone without a vision, dream and a sense of purpose. A bad boy is someone who lacks character. A bad boy is someone who is too immature and preoccupied with himself to share genuine compassion, concern or acceptance. A bad boy would rather be possessive than be protective of his woman. A bad boy cheats on his woman.

POLL - Is There an Ideal Age Gap Between Couples?

Some article I saw recently said a 'study' had found that the ideal age gap between couples is 4 years and four months, or 52 months. Of course such studies are just fronts for someone wanting to sat something, in this case, they interviewed about 1000 men and women each and they gave their personal opinions which they compiled. My opinion is that when in love, age is just a number, still I know those numbers plays a role in how compatible a couple can be.

Some times, there's the so-called generational gap, things people of a certain age range are exposed to growing up, and which they end up enjoying and sharing in common. Other times, it's the expectation of a certain level of respect by the older person, usually the man, from his younger partner, and when she tries to be to over-cozy, trouble may ensue. So what do you think, use the poll below, or share in the comments, thanks.

Poll - Ideal Couple Age Gap

The New Pope Francis had a Childhood Love

Some priests are born, and some are made, some fall in between. The new Pope Francis seems to be in the latter categories. As a young 12 year old, he had a crush on his class mate and sent her a love letter. Their puppy love became not so secret anymore when teachers discovered the note, and sent for the girl's parents. That girl is now 76 years old Amalia Damonte. She told newsmen,

...it was clear from the start that he was thinking about dedicating his life to God.

Damonte especially remembers a handwritten letter he left for her, because it got her into a lot of trouble at the time.

"I remember perfectly that he had drawn me a little white house, which had a red roof, and it said "this is what I'll buy when we marry."

She said he also told her "If I don't marry you, I'm going to be a priest."

"These were childish things, nothing more," she said.

So sweeet, reminds me of this short story - the secret love letter :)