Tips for a Healthy Marriage - Sex

I'm not the most comfortable dishing advice on relationships, because I'm still learning myself day by day, but I just feel ike I should share some of these lessons that I'm on the course for too. I want a healthy and happy marriage, and each day I work towards it. I read, I dream, I imagine, and I put some in practice. Over the coming week, I'll be sharing some of these with you.

Number one on the list is sex, and not just sex, but regular satisfying sex. The kind of adjectives that should come to mind, or used to describe one's sex life should be words like often, every day, every other day, or at least once a week. When you begin to hear, or think about words like once a month, seldom, or rarely, there is trouble in the land. When never enters the conversation, that is the death knell for a supposedly romantic relationship.

Spring Fling Giveaway Hop - International

Hey, and welcome to the Spring Fling hop hosted by I Am A Reader, Not A Writer and Eve's Fan Garden. I am an author of romance novels and I will be giving away to the lucky winner, a $10 Amazon Gift Card and an eBook of my first novel, A Heart to Mend. The synopsis of AHTM...

Gladys moves to live with an estranged aunt in Lagos and to continue her search for a job. Before long she lands the job of her dreams with the foremost oil company in the city and makes several new friends. She also gradually resolves the mystery of why her aunt previously cut all ties with their family. But the best part about her new life is meeting Edward Bestman.

Edward is good-looking, super rich but emotionally scarred. Gladys gets him to see that she loves him and that together they can surmount all their differences. However, when they return from a romantic trip abroad, they find that some unnamed people are about to take over his business empire. Edward's past has come back to haunt both of them.

Solomon Akiyesi Apologizes, Tells His Own Side of the Story

There is the saying that for every story, scandal, quarell, or disagreement, there is usually at least three sides, this side, that side, and the truth. I will say that in this Akiyesi sage, there may be up to 5 sides or more. Read here, here, and here.

For those following the story, the church spoke for Uloma, the foiled wife to be. Some have heard from Ezinne, the first wife, others from Lillian, the second wife, Now Solomon after some theatrics on Facebook, has granted a more comprehensive article to Sun News. He writes;

Over the last one week, hell has been let loose on me.

I’ve not only suffered verbal attacks, but also vituperations and near fisticuffs, all because of another futile attempt of mine at my journey towards achieving that which I honestly and passionately desire – a peaceful home and family. Social network sites and blogs have been awash with how I left Lilian, my “pregnant” wife, to marry Uloma, my Lagos “mistress” whom they also claimed was pregnant for me. Nothing can be farther from the truth.

Only a mad or cursed man would simply leave his pregnant wife and elope with another one. And lest I forget, I urge you, as you read this, to have an open mind to listen to that which is true instead of taking sides and jumping into wicked conclusions with its attendant wicked insults and uncouth commentaries about how Solomon is running his life and how he is not. I’m not asking for pity or trying to buy anybody’s love at this time.

This is my life. If at my age I don’t know what I want, then I may just remain the dumb ass that I’ve been called over and over again. I don’t think I need anyone to give me any lecturing on how I should exercise my privileges.

Kim and Kanye Ask For Charity Donations Instead of Baby Gifts

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are expecting their first child this July and with speculations flying about the kinds of gifts the baby should expect, the couple have made the decision not to have a gift registry. They are telling friends not to buy them baby gifts. Instead, Kim and Kanye are reported to be requesting that any donations be made to the Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago. The hospital has already corroborated this news and thanked the couple in a statement;

"Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago would like to extend its sincerest gratitude to Kim Kardashian and Kayne West for their thoughtfulness and support of the hospital. We wish them all the best in the upcoming arrival of their baby. Funds donated on behalf of Kardashian and West will be directed to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit Fund which will help care for the most critically-ill babies and their families."

So to Kim's diehard fans - Berry, I see you :) - don't give or buy gifts for any baby registries bearing the Kimnye name, they are definitely fake.

Dear Myne - How Can I Improve my Marital Sex Life?

Dear Myne, it's about my husband, no he's not unfaithful but I fear he prefers other women to me.I don't hate my body, but I do have self image concerns that do affect our marriage bed and make it hard for me to really loosen up and let go, my husband has some issues that really hurt me. I bothers me that he loves TV shows with sex and nudity. I have addressed them to him, but he denies them and refuses to change.

It is hard for me to accept that he finds my baby-worn body and scarred face attractive and sexy when he has no problem watching the naked women in Game of Thrones and other such mainstream videos. He says he does find me attractive, but couple that with his rarely initiating sex in bed and even more rarely taking the time and effort to bring me to climax and I feel downright horrible.

I do most of the initiating. I do most of the work. I've never refused him, but I've been refused plenty. I have gone to elders in the church and nothing changes because mainstream movies aren't offically porn and thus it's not a sin issue, but a heart issue I have to wait on God to deal with.

In the meantime, I'm sick of over a decade of dealing with this and while I still will not refuse my husband, I really don't want to put the effort into our sex life anymore. I feel so horrible now, I have a hard time looking into my husband's eyes.

So Physical Touch is not so Important?

Last week I set up the poll asking what people's love language was, and it turns out physical touch was one of the bottom two, and very far from the top, 12 votes to quality time, which had 42 votes. I can say I am a bit surprised. Atala thinks maybe it's because majority of my readers and the poll respondents are women, and probably physical touch is not so important to women.

I'm not so sure about that. Personally, physical touch ranks third for what I want to receive, and second to what I want to give. I was quite surprised at how poorly it did in this poll, at a point, it was at the bottom of the poll with just two votes.

My dear readers, both men and women, do you think women discount physical touch so much? I am comparing this to the knowledge that for a lot of men, physical touch is either number one or two on their priority. Could this be a problem between couples? Or was there a problem with my poll?

The Wife Diaries - Episode Five

“You could start from the beginning.” I urged her quietly.

“You know us Nigerians, everything is black and white. You’re either bad or good, and we don’t allow room for anything else.” She looked up and wiped her face. “I guess I’m bad here, in my own little nollywood movie. I’m the bad girl, the harlot, the whore.”

She laughed a little, which quickly became a cry “I’m a mess girl, a big mess..I thought this was over, but it never was... I’ve been pretending this whole time.”

“Pretending?”

“Mm-hmm.” she nodded, “remember that time Uncle Sunny was staying at the house?”

I nodded, grimacing. “What about that devil?”

My hackles began to rise. This was someone that had hurt Nkem, and till this day I was ready to beat the lights out of him if I ever laid eyes on him. Unfortunately he died five years ago, still I would dig up his body and kill him again if I could.

“I tried blanking that memory out and telling myself it didn’t happen over these years but, it’s affecting me! It always affected me.” She held my hand tighter as she continued.

Egg Noodles Pasta With Grilled Salmon

Served with Cucumber

This is one of those meals you call a concoction. I had pasta, I had some cheese and some mushroom and I just threw them together. It tasted so wonderful I simply had to share. This post is just a menu idea, recipe coming soon :)

Between Boston and Boko Haram

I live in America, I am Nigerian. Chimamanda called it this thing around an immigrant/emigrant's neck, and it manifests in different ways. This blog has a focus on relationships, but I also try to keep updated on politics and current affairs, and I report some of them here. I wrote a several pieces on the Boston bombings here, it was scary, it was closer to home, and the news was full with it.

A few days later, I heard of the over hundred people killed north of Maiduguri and followed as the government and JTF bandied words like over-exaggerated around about the number of people the red cross and eye witnesses reported dead. But there was just a couple of articles on the Nigerian newspaper apps I have on my phone, and by the next day, other news has taken the front page. I also moved on.

This article on the Daily Beast got me thinking, though it is directed at American, I think maybe we Nigerians, and can I say those living in the country especially, have a lot to ponder on. Are Nigerians second class citizens in their own country where local papers give more column inches to American news than to home grown incidents? Food for thought.

Pity Boston, Ignore Nigeria: The Limits of Compassion by Janine di Giovanni

No one would ever argue that the bombing in Boston was not horrific. But there was something uncomfortable in the obsessive global news coverage, of the bottleneck of journalists flying into Logan Airport struggling to find the smallest remnant of some new detail to report. Was it the suggestion, subtly transmitted, that America is the center of the universe?

10 Facts About Singles and Couples in America

Via Women's Health

Whether you’re single, dating, or hitched, it’s normal to be curious about everyone else’s love lives. Are you having enough sex? Is your communication off? Are you being too picky? Luckily, Match.com released the latest findings from the third annual Singles In America study, and the results are fascinating! They surveyed over 5,000 singles and 1,000 married people on everything from orgasms to dating deal breakers. Some results are as follows;

Women Snoop…A Lot
If you already know your date’s education and work history before you get to the restaurant, you’re not alone. 48% of single women look someone up on Facebook before a first date. Hey, you have to make sure you’re not getting Catfish-ed, right?

Sex Doesn’t End After Marriage
Worried about your sex life plummeting after you tie the knot? Don’t worry, 41% of married couples had sex at least once a week last year. And better yet: Married women think about sex even more often than single women.

Money Troubles Ruin Your Mojo
A bad credit score can screw up more than just your financial future—it can mess with your love life. 65% of singles wouldn’t date someone who was over $5,000 in debt. Hopefully, that’s not something you’d reveal on a first date, anyway.