The First Year of Marriage - Two Becomes One?

I read a thread on Nairaland sharing on the first year of marriage and it surprised me how even though most people's marriages are different, in some cases, you see yourself in the midst of many. It was also interesting that a lot of unmarried peeps reading commented that it was a very useful topic for them because they didn't really know much about marriage or what to expect. Who really does?

This got me thinking, and one day I'll share a full post on my own first year. Suffice to say that I equally asked myself at least once, are you sure? The answer by the time the night was done always came back positive. 

Anyway, I was mostly nodding as I read, lots of familiarizing sex, some wow, some not so great. Some clashes of personality as iron tried to sharpen iron, some intensely beautiful moments that even words cannot describe, the long, lazy days, the days you miss your family so much, you cry. Then add to that being in a new place, trying to make new friends, find your feet, re-organize your goals and accept changes, physically, mentally and emotionally, it is a trying period for me, I tell you.

However, I'll not trade those memories for any thing. There's just this thing about marriage that either brings out the best or the worst in you, and when you go into it with the right mindset and the right person, it matures you like nothing else. Some of the responses on the NL thread included the following;

Love in Bloom is Sweet Romance

For the past few days, it's been all sunshine and flowers over here. The rain is staying away and the sun is bathing everything in sweet warmth that is just hits the spot, not too hot yet. It gives me this light feeling inside and on our plenty walks I want to stop and smell the flowers or pluck some to put in my hair.

Love is definitely in bloom in this corner of my world and it is just the perfect time for this giveaway. Featuring Lighthearted/Contemporary Young Adult and Sweet/Clean Adult Romance, the hop hosted by I Am A Reader, Not A Writer and Portrait of a Book.

I really enjoyed reading the following book after winning it in a giveaway and want to share the love. I will be giving away a copy of Found in Translation by Roger Bruner and his daughter Kristi Rae Bruner.

Unconditional Love - Tribute to Donna Summer

Donna Summer, the disco queen, passed away today after a long battle with cancer. "Summer [was] known for her many hits, including "Hot Stuff," "Last Dance," "She Works Hard for the Money" and "Bad Girls," among many others, and won five Grammys over the course of her career.Born Donna Gaines and raised in Boston, Summer began singing in her church and decided to pursue a career in music in the late '60s. After performing in musicals in Europe, she released her first single, "Sally Go 'Round the Roses," Aol Music

Getty Images

Most of Donna Summer's songs had the disco trademark tune and who can forget classics like She Works Hard for the Money, Last Dance, I Will Go With You, and Unconditional Love? I Will Go With You is a powerful ballad, full of soul, and my type of music, but Unconditional Love left a lasting impression on me from way back when. Donna Summer collaborated on it with Musical Youth, and the songs has one of those catchy tunes that stays with you long after you've finished listening to it. And then there was the video with small children who back then were around the same age with my siblings and I. You can imagine that we memorized the lyrics of the song and performed it on one or more occasions.

My Big Fat Nigerian Wedding - Creativity or Extravagance?

I was reading a blog the other day by an expat who attended their first Nigerian wedding in Nigeria and was amazed that there were over 10 priests. The blogger joked that it was as if the planners of the wedding wanted there to be as many ministers as possible witnessing the marriage so that no one can deny it took place after the fact. I smiled as I remembered my own wedding. There were two bishops, 3 Archdeacons and about 7 other priests.

In any typical Nigerian wedding, there are at least 2 or 3 priests and then you have to talk about the 200 - 1000 other guests that attend, and the masses of money paid for photography and video for the big day. Of course, it is not about witnesses, but about the Nigerian way of inviting as many friends and family as you can to celebrate with you.  This ties back a bit to my post on destination weddings and the recent CNN article on the wedding boom in Nigeria.

An African American Finally on the Bachelorette

Do you think there'll ever be a African American man or woman as the main star on the Bachelor Series? I am just catching up on the season premiere of The Bachelorette and got to see that the guy below came on as one of the 25 contestants in the first episode. Unfortunately, he has already been kicked off by Emily who is the Bachelorette of the season. He wasn't the wackiest of them all but I guess he's not to Emily's specs.

Lerone [ABC.com]

About a month ago, the news were abuzz about the racism that has been observed in the TV Show. Two African American men had sued ABC and the show producers for not giving them the same chance to get on as contestants on the show as other white applicants. The cited their short auditions and the fact that since the inception of the show, no African American has been the star of the show, and there had only been a handful of black or minority contestants.

At this point, after watching 5 of the series back to back, I am even wondering whether they should even bother. The show seems to be losing its shine for me. Of the five couples I watched hook up, only one pair are still together. Funny thing is, apart from one of them, I saw their breakup on the cards even before the finales rolled. It was as if they undermine themselves, maybe they're really not there to find love or someone to marry, but just to be on TV and get to kiss and see as many women as they can. Hmpf.

Ego Massaging - Also Known As Giving Compliments

Mmm... yeahh... oh yeah, that feels really good.... yeah.... mmhh? Oh, excuse me. You just interrupted me as I was enjoying a good and nourishing ego massage from Myne. Ego massage, you wonder? Should I even be admitting this in public?

Hi there, this is Atala. Let me step back a bit and answer the question for those of you who are wondering: what exactly is ego massaging? Simply put, it is the act of making someone feel better about themselves with the power of words aka giving compliments. It is about making them feel more confident, more optimistic and filled with more positive aspirations by making utterances that resonate with their ego.

In fact, ego massaging is part and parcel of our culture, right from the moment we are born - we are given positive, aspirational names such we are guaranteed to get a mini ego-massage every time someone calls our name.

So if this is what ego massaging can achieve, why is it condemned at all? Well, the problem is that there is a right and a wrong way to go about ego-massaging. This is why ego-massaging is an art - it is not for the unskilled person who thinks that it is about opening their mouth and uttering complimentary words. Oh, no. On the contrary, a skilful ego-massager will know the following:

How I Take care of My Skin

I'm talking about my skin today because I was reminded by the last meme I took part in - 11 Question Tag - where I answered questions about my beauty regime and my favorite beauty product. While I'm not a cosmetic junkie by any means, I try to use a small number of good quality skin care products to take care of my skin, especially my face. While it's not susceptible to acne, the sun is a different matter altogether and I have noticed that generally, my face tends to be darker than the rest of my body.

You see, when you do not use products with sun protection in a tropical country like Nigeria, the possibility of sun damage is very high. A few years ago, I began to notice the uneven skin tone down the sides of my face. Funnily enough, I never realized how susceptible I was to sunburn until I moved to the United States.

I had gone to the beach with Atala wearing a halter-neck bathing suit and without sunscreen. It was my first summer here after a very dreary spring and I was lapping up the sun like a dog starved of water. However, I had to beg for us to leave after some hours. My back was on fire. You guessed it, I had sunburn on my face and my back. It was so serious that I had to use medication for almost a week after that.

Were You Team Karen or Team Ivy on Smash?

The season finale of the NBC show Smash aired last night, and we finally know who got the leading role. I was kind of disappointed to be honest cos I had been rooting for Ivy to get it throughout most of the season's episodes. By the way, Smash is a portrayal of what it takes to put together a musical based on the life of Marilyn Monroe and get it to Broadway

NBC.com

I liked the show, not just because it was a musical, and followed it semi-religiously every Monday for the past few months. It was well written, and the staged music was just fantastic. They had some pretty interesting characters and some storylines that kept me watching.

The competition between the two would-be leading ladies geared up very from the very first episode when we were introduced to two talented singers vying for the spotlight and the chance to play Marilyn. As the season progressed, we got to know them better, with the two of them striking up an uneasy alliance along the line. The rivalry ratcheted up last week when the character of Uma Thurman, star Rachel Duvall, bowed out of the production of Bombshell among other stuff happening.

So who are the two women battling it out in the ring?

Expectations from Relationships - What are Yours?

One thing I've come to realize as my marriage progresses is that relationships are all about expectations, even as they are about communication. A lot of us have very high expectations of relationships and even much more of marriages. These expectations follow us from childhood, and what we see our parents and other married couples do. We read them in books, watch them in movies and TV and play-act them in the little mummy and daddy drama we take part in with other children.

We also pick some up as adults as we begin to negotiate life on our terms and mix up with different kinds of individuals, at work and at play. When some of these expectations are picked up from broken relationships that are not properly healed, they are known as baggage. I read an excerpt from Timaya's interview in a magazine where he said,

“My bride must be very intelligent, outspoken, caring and loving. Her strongest quality is, she must be God-fearing. A woman that is God-fearing will not jump around and she will be submissive to her man. I’m not searching for a perfect woman. I’m not yet married because I haven’t found a God-fearing woman who will pamper me and our would-be children. A woman that cooks very well and who will stay my side in time of trials. A woman who loves me from the depth of her heart, in spite of my shortcomings.” [Source]

These are indeed some of the expectations we have of relationships, and the people we get into them with. Sometimes we're lucky and we meet the people who fit into our wishes up to an extent that we can live with, and all things being equal, and when there's mutual attraction and love, we get together either in short or long-term relationships. It is actually good to know what you want and expect from the person you want to enter a relationship. And as one gets older, we begin to add to those expectations that we prefer a long-term relationship, that is, marriage.

Bruno Mars' Just The Way You Are - Romance Meets Music

Hope everyone is having a good weekend? This is a hectic one, but gotta share this with you. Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars is a beautiful song to share with the ones you love. Enjoy...