10 Ways to Make "The Other Woman" a Non-Issue

I realized that in my last post on the other woman, it seemed like I thought women had no responsibility or a role to play when their men cheat. Of course we do. Also, I was speaking very generally, and it would have been better if I gave some action points. So I'm doing it now.

Am I now blaming the other woman? No. I'm saying all women have a responsibility to themselves to be prepared to face and deal with infidelity. Not to face  the other woman, mind you, but how to deal with the unfaithfulness, the betrayal and breaking of trust. I'm saying let's not make the "Other Woman" the bogey man, in fact, the cheating husband or boyfriend is not even the bogey man. The bogey man is YOU.

At this point you may be saying, Myne you've come again, or, Myne you're not serious. I am serious. And that is why I made this list. Whether single, about to get married, or already married, if you follow some of the principles below in a way that works for you, I believe "The Other Woman" will be of so little importance to you that she becomes a virtual non-issue.

This is the Remix - NSCDC #MyOgaAtTheTop on Channels TV

OK, you've probably all seen the NSCDC Commandant's interview on Channels TV, and the fallout, but after the seriousness of the past few posts, I want us to laugh a little. Not at the man - I actually pity him that his fumble went viral cos none of us is above mistakes - but at the remix, which I think is very funny.

This is the first Nigerian remix of this type I'm seeing. In the US, it's almost like a meme from each newscast, the most viral being Ain't nobody gat time for that or Hide your Kids, hide your wives. Watch and laugh :)

TGIF, have a great weekend everyone, mwah!

Date Night Movie Review - Side Effects

Before it came out, I did a preview of the Side Effects movie, saying how "it would be interesting for me to see what story has been crafted around drug side effects and how Steven Soderbergh has directed it" and equally looking forward to seeing the performances by the actors. I am happy to report that it met up to expectations. Enjoy our interactive review...

Atala: At first, I thought it was going to be all documentarious, like Soderbergh's previous film - 'Contagion'. So I was thinking I was going to find out what the deal was with those long lists of things that could go wrong in those pharmaceutical ads aired in the US. And at first, it looked like I was right - Drugs were doing some strange things to Emily - one of the protagonists in the movie - indeed.

Myne: Same thing here. But about halfway, it took a turn towards being a different kind of movie, a whodunit.

Atala: True

Myne: At first I wasn't pleased, but that had a draw of its own. I'm also a fan of mysteries, so it still worked for me.

Atala: I will say that I'm not that much of a fan of whodunits either, because second watching isn't the same. But I really did enjoy this later suspenseful phase of the film - it was very twisty and turny. I think I still like the first part better, though. It was very sad and poignant in parts.

Too Bad Tuface and Annie Idibia Decided to Receive the SUV

Tuface Idibia looking on as the Akwa Ibom commissioner for Information, Aniekan Umanah, presents the state sponsored SUV keys to Annie Macauley–Idibia.

I am happy for Tuface and Annie Idibia on their marriage, any couple that decide to go into the future together deserve only well wishes. However, I am disappointed that are accepting their traditional wedding gift which is akin to going along with the Akwa Ibom governor to deplete state funds for their personal gain. I guess one can defend their action and say that's the only way ordinary Nigerians get their share of the National Cake, but at the detriment of who?

Also, Tuface is not an ordinary Nigerian, he makes millions of naira from being a musician, a lot of it from the pocket of Nigerian masses. Does he really need this state handout in the form of a jeep? Earlier, he said he was yet to decide on whether to accept the gift. I guess we now know what his decision is. But, what do I know? In the press release to justify and defend the actions of the governor, this same commissioner in the picture said;

Dear Myne - My Boyfriend Got Engaged to Another Woman

I have been seeing this guy for about 8 months now and on the 30th of Dec, he told me that he has another girl he's been dating for 7 years. He said the girl has been good to him and he knows she will make a good wife just the way he knows I will too but the problem is that she's not from the same tribe as him. He's Igbo which i am too and the other lady is Hausa and he wants to marry an igbo.

The girl came to Nigeria  from UK to visit him and they went to his village together. He said that it means nothing and that he hasn't made up his mind to marry the girl cos he doesn't love her which i found very lame and silly. But one day i went through his chats with the girl and on three occasions, the girl told him "i love you" and he didn't respond. The girl in one of their chats told him that she knows he doesn't love her but that he should stop treating her the way he treats her.

On Sunday, we mistakenly exchanged phones (we use the same phones) and i found out that they were calling each other hubby and wifey. He told her that he its not easy to marry an Hausa babe and they were already planning their lives together. I was not entirely shocked but i was mad at him for lying to me. I have been teasing and asking him to tell me if he has proposed to the girl and he kept telling me that he's not married to anybody. What hurts me most is that he made it look like both of us might still have a chance to be man and wife, One day i jokingly said his nephew will marry my future daughter and he replied sharply "what if i marry you?'

Why Do We Always Blame "The Other Woman"?

I just read a post on 1+TheOne titled Leave Her Man Alone, and immediately commented to say, the man is at fault and should have the blame, if not 100% then 99%. Unless one can prove to me that a particular woman went out of her way to seduce a man, or keep him dating her long term, or that she forced him at gunpoint to neglect, abuse, and divorce his wife, then I stand by my opinion that the cheating man is at fault.

Men are not stupid, they know what they want, and in this chauvnistic world, it is disingenuous to argue that mistresses made them do what they did not want to do. Na Jazz? Sugabelly in her comments said some of what I had in mind, but there are other angles I wanted to expantiate on, and that's why I wrote this post.

1+TheOne made it sound like once a man has a female friend, or a mistress, his wife falls apart emotionally and otherwise. She said in her responses to Sugabelly that she'll be personally affronted and aggrieved, and I know a lot of women who will be too, but I don't  think it's fair to pass that on to majority of other women. Some of us either think differently or have learnt to be stronger than that :)

How Important is a Sense of Humor to You?

One of my readers who regularly responds to my posts via email sent a reply to the post on 15 Things I Love about my Nigerian Husband, noting that I did not mention a sense of humor. And I got to thinking about it. I asked Atala and he mentioned that one acronym he quickly learned when he tried online dating websites for the first time was GSOH - Good Sense of Humor.

That was the first I was hearing about that. BTW, I remember one guy that tried to chat me up on FB last year, he typed, ASL, I was like huh? He typed it again and I asked, what does that mean? I'm sure he thought I was dumb, but once he told me what it stood for and added some other funny stuff, I closed the chat and blocked him.

Back to GSOH, supposedly women are turned on by a great sense of humor in a guy and it is a pre-requisite in profiles for dating online. I have to admit that I like a guy with a sense of humor, but the thing is that humor is so relative, and some things are funnier in certain situations than in others.

Michelle Obama on Vogue + Her Chat with Young Girls on How She Chose Obama and Life as the First Lady

Michelle Obama appears on the April cover of Vogue magazine and inside, she and President Barack Obama talked about their life as parents, their marriage, and their vision for America’s families. Michelle Obama said, “I think we are accountable to each other for being who we are,” while the President adds, “We’re a team.”

Can you tell that I love this couple? LOL... Their article reminded me of back in 2011 when First lady Michelle Obama spoke with female secondary school students, young girls interested in Science but who were not meeting their potential. These girls, between 13 and 15, were participating in an immersion experience at the University of Oxford. The first lady was kind enough to graciously answer all their questions on a variety of topics.

She confessed that she had not envisaged that Barack Obama would become president when they first met, but that she had seen other special qualities in him. She answered questions on self-esteem, mentoring other young women, and living in the White House as a mother with two young daughters. She even talked about how important reading and writing were. Below are some excerpts from the interview transcript.

Why Did Goodluck Jonathan Pardon Alamieyeisegha?

Presidential pardons are used all over the world and I totally agree with the morale behind it. If someone is wrongfully convicted, or if they are truly repentant and have done restitution in other ways for their sins, then it is only fair to pardon.

One thing about pardons in the Nigerian political space that makes me uncomfortable though, is that they have the effect of treating a conviction as though it never happened. Pardoned criminals can no longer be referred to as ex-convicts and can run for presidential office.

Some very political Presidential pardons in Nigeria include those President Shehu Shagari granted to General Yakubu Gowon for participating in the coup that killed General Murtala Mohammed and to Col. Chukuwemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu for driving the Nigerian Civil War. Gowon piped down in his politics but Ojukwu ran for president in 2003.

General Abdulsalami Abubakar in his short tenure also granted a pardon to Obasanjo for his convictions for treason and that paved the way for him to contest and become president in 1999.

Menu Ideas - Boiled Potatoes and Chili Beans

One of my favorite foods is yam but it is so hard to get them here, either they're not available at all, or they are too expensive. I do get them once in a while, but for the rest of the time, I make do with potatoes, either sweet potatoes or the local ones we have here.

On this occasion, I had some chili beans left over but it wouldn't do for a meal for both of us, so I quickly boiled up some potatoes, and then mixed them together. Reminded me of our Yam and Beans back in boarding school. Loved it.