One thing I like about the idea of being friends before lovers is that it gives the two people involved the opportunity to get to know each other with less of the pretense people put forward due to instant romantic attraction that leads quickly to a relationship. Also, the best long-term relationships are those where the couple are friends in addition to lovers, where the couple will be able to spend long periods together without getting on each other's nerves.
The BFF couple can talk about one thing and everything and get along perfectly well without taking themselves too seriously. Kim Kardasian and Kanye West seem to be one such couple, or want to be, if they can.
Kim Kardashian - I've said it before: Kanye and I have been friends for years. You never know what the future holds or where my life will take me. Source
Kanye West in Theraflu - And I’ll admit, I fell in love with Kim/‘Round the same time she had fell in love wit’ him/Well, that’s cool, baby girl, do ya thing/To be honest I've not really had these two on my radar. I knew Kanye West from "I'ma let you finish" and Amber Rose, and Kim Kardashian from just before her highly promoted 72-days marriage. Through the press around these events, I've come across the rumors of a previous one-night stand between them, other meet-ups and then the fun pictures I saw of both of them at the Paris fashion Week where Kanye was showing some designs. And now they're dating.
The fact that a lot of romantic relationships start off as friendships is one reason many people believe that men and women could never just have a purely platonic friendship. Unless two friends of the opposite sex consider each other "brothers" and "sisters", or they don't usually see things through a common perspective, it is highly likely that they're secretly lusting after each other. If it's not happening yet, just give it time. When two people spend good, quality time together, more often than not, physical attraction follows.
The awkward bit for me is when the friendship also involves one or both of the two parties watching as the other gushes over new boyfriends or girlfriends, or even hearing details of how sex went down between them. It's not bad for your partner to know about your sexual history, mind you, but knowing that they know the intimate details is just a bit awkward, for me anyway.
So what's your take? Is it worth the risk to move from friends to lovers?
PS - I only use celebrities as illustrations for these relationship scenarios which are real to most of us. Please do not get caught up in bashing them or their private lifestyles.
I think it's okay but my only concern is if things go wrong. What happens to that once great friendship? Plus, I think once you cross that line, it's hard to go back to being just friends.
ReplyDeleteGood question DPD, I think there's the chance to lose the friendship once the romance wears off. Only few people can go back to being friends.
DeleteIts ok if you are willing to sacrifice the friendship. There's no going back, unless you were just hi-and-bye friends. Especially if things end badly or something crazy happens in the relationship (cheating, abuse, etc).
ReplyDeleteI don't know that i think being friends before really makes the relationship better (or worse) though i agree that in order for a relationship to work you do need to be friends in addition to all the other stuff.
Thanks for the comment. I kind of think it is less likely for such out there stuff to happen in a relationship if they had been friends before and continue to be. But you're right, there are no guarantees.
DeleteThought you might want to read this article, touches up on what your post is about : http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/08/opinion/sunday/a-man-a-woman-just-friends.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all%3Fsrc%3Dtp&smid=fb-share
ReplyDeleteI am all for friendships before romantic relationships (now ) but it does not follow for everyone. Maybe because it worked that way for me, but in the past I had avoided dating friends because I was not prepared to sacrifice our relationship especially if it does not work out.
So it depends
Thanks for the link, I actually share the same opinion as the writer :)
DeleteBeing friends before dating and wedding a person, is actually best. No awkwardness, no pretense, you know each other's good and bad sides...My mom always told us to marry our friends, and that advice is working out for my sister who did that.
ReplyDeleteThe disadvantage of dating your friend however, is if the relationship kabooms, there goes the friendship also.
Happy Easter Monday, everyone.
DrLily
Happy Easter to you too, DrLily. I think you nailed it.
DeleteExactly. It could go either ways. And I support your mum's statement. It now depends on the individuals. To go ahead or not. As for me, I went ahead and am happy I did and both of us know/knew about each other's "love" life.
DeleteIt's the best.
ReplyDeleteHappy easter monday.
Happy Easter Monday to you and your family, Simply Mee. :)
DeleteI read those kind of romance books...and still wish to have that.
ReplyDeleteI hope you do find it, Tamie. But friendship can also come after.
Deletelike someone said before you have to be willing to say bye to the friendship if it doesn't work out. My personal experience we met in uni were friends for years before we got together results - DISASTER!!!! end of story we don't talk anymore maybe we will someday but for now that is the situation it has been two years since the disaster but am not saying that is the case for everyone there are plenty instances where it has worked or even if it didn't the couple still remains friends so i guess it depends on the individuals concerned......and reasons for the break up or getting together in the first place (was it due to familiarity or love)
ReplyDeleteI always wanted to date someone whom was really close to me, that way I won't have to learn too many things, or try too much to impress him, it's just beautiful dating your best friend... BUT it never worked, for the few friends I had developed feelings for or who did for me, we stayed friends because somehow we figured it won't work. now, I do not find any of them attractive... I guess the newness of a stranger does it for me.
ReplyDeleteWhat works for one may not work for the other :-) I personally I am married to someone who was once my friend and we did not even know we will get married someday. We shared our secrets, knew of our dates and escapades, and like you mentioned, did not pretend to ourselves. I think it made it easier when it was time for us to get married. We had handled most part of the "who was ur ex?" and "can I trust you?"
ReplyDeletePersonally o, I don't subscribe to friends-then-lovers. I've had a lot of my friends who hoped we'd transition to much more, but I just couldn't. The reason I was so comfortable being friends with them was because I ddnt find them sexually attractive, simple. Being friends is very different from being friendly. A man am friendly with, I can eventually date. A man am friends with? Nah! That's just me. As for this popular fad abt being bestfriends with ones spouse, hmmm. I find it baffling o, pardon me. Am friends with my husband, as in he's not my oga lording it over me and all. We talk abt everything, well almost everything. Those things I feel itz not healthy for a couple to share with one another (for example, one of dem find himself/herself temporarily attracted to another person), they need external bestfriends to help filter out those emotions. We all feel d need 2 let loose every so often, it'd disastrous if everything gets dumped on a spouse who has a large stake on ur emotions, and therefore
ReplyDeletetherefore can't always be as objective as another bestfriend.
ReplyDeleteyou see the thing for me is the risk of losing a great friendship once and if the relationship does end. If you are willing to take the risk then great, especially if you think the relationship'll have more to offer. Most times I find that if the friendship is strong enough and the person is that kind that may be the one. I would want to try it out. Some people make great friends but terrible lovers though.
ReplyDeleteThis makes so much sense Myne @ One thing I like about the idea of being friends before lovers is that it gives the two people involved the opportunity to get to know each other with less of the pretense people put forward due to instant romantic attraction that leads quickly to a relationship.
ReplyDeleteAs for me,i am a serious advocate of friends to lovers,the advantages are just too numerous and you've highlighted a few.
Friends to lovers,the bomb.
ReplyDelete