Dear Myne - How Do I Teach My Wife How To Be Seductive?

I am married less than a year, and have a challenge. I would like to hear your opinion on it. I had been dating for about 2years prior to marriage, although bulk of it was long distance, we still found time to visit each other though and spend weeks / weekends together. During the course of her being away, I met another lady who for want of a better word, had a magnetic sex appeal. We hit it off immediately and although the relationship was short-lived, it was full of raw, animal passion and we could not get our hands off each other.


It ended because I felt guilty about cheating on my wife, fiancee back then, and let the new lady know.

Fast forward to my fiance getting back and us eventually getting married sometime last year. We were not celibate and had a few botched sexual encounters before we got married. I chalked it up to pressures of planning a wedding and all, but I realized my fling had opened my eyes a bit more and I began to yearn for more than my wife could offer in certain departments.

She is very beautiful, godly and a good cook as well as from a good home. Since marriage, we have had some level of good intimacy, however she is much more reserved and shy than I am. I never had issues with this until my fling which made me meet someone with a wild side like me and I realized I truly desire this in my marriage.

For example, my wife does not particularly like receiving or giving oral sex, but will give if asked. I on the other hand, love it a lot and hate having to ask for it as it makes me feel the person is only doing it to make me happy, which automatically takes away the pleasure from the act, hence the desired aim is not achieved. She also does not apply "feminine wiles" to seduce me or anything of the sort. Can you believe that up till date she does not posses a single sexy lingerie and always sleeps in pyjamas!

I love dancing a lot. She is okay with it but also not really her cup of tea. She rarely goes clubbing with me though I want her to, and when we do go out, I still feel like I am taking her out of her comfort zone, and it makes me sad and uncomfortable. The other lady loved my body and was always open to trying new things, daring stuff, loved going down on me (and vice versa), and was a very good and sexual dancer. We had a lot of good times packed into the few months we were together.

Now you would be wondering, why did I go ahead to marry my wife then, and not the other woman? Truth is, I really love my wife and value all her other homely qualities.

I think part of our problem is that she had a very strong Christian background growing up. I am a Christian too but more relaxed and believe in enjoying sex. To be fair to my wife, she has tried to adapt to me and I am happy for it. I have heavily influenced her dressing and make up, and when I see her with some of her old school friends, I know there has been some level of change.

Two days ago a text from the blues came from my ex saying she remembered some of the sexy good times we had, dancing, strip tease, and all that. My wife on the other hand, does not think of such things and whenever I try to stylishly suggest stuff, it comes across like I am comparing her with "wild girls" outside and wanting her to be like them. I know there is more to marriage than the physical, but I admit it does play an important role for me.

I do not want to hurt her or cheat on her. It is hard not to feel like I am missing out on something and sometimes stupid thoughts come up that I may have made a mistake, and I try to fight them. Since I ended things with that ex I have never met her so as not to get tempted to go down that route. And I promise myself I won't regardless of the text.

But I do not know how to improve things at home as I truly desire some passion in my marriage. This is eating me up. She says I should give her time that she will learn, and I should lead, that I should understand she did not date many guys before me and does not have all that experience. I am trying on both counts, but I fear I am not patient enough, and do not know how else to lead her.

Also I do not see the enthusiastic disposition when it comes to learning these physical subjects, compared to her disposition to for instance, try new cuisines and whip up cool new food (she is amazing in that and truly enjoys it). When I try to go down on her for example, she stops me because she does not particularly fancy it. How can I then even expect it of her if she does not want it from me?

If we could find ways to fix these, I would have a near perfect marriage. When I was much younger I used to wonder why a man with a beautiful wife would cheat with not so beautiful women, however I am beginning to understand it now, although I do not necessarily condone it.

How do I teach my wife to be a woman, teach her how to handle a man where sex is concerned, her husband for that matter?