Tyler Perry's Temptation and Rape

The internet is abuzz with Tyler Perry latest movie, Temptation, and it is not about Kim Kardashian who makes a small appearance. I called Nollywood on this movie - bad writing and heavy handed message delivery - but this is not a review. Which is coming soon by the way.

This post is about the first sex scene between two of the main characters where Judith, a married 26 years old (married for 6 years) cheats on her husband with a rich social media inventer, Harley. So we know that Judith was young and vulnerable, and Harley is an arrogant cocaine addict who abuses women.

In this sex scene, Judith is probably feeling wild sexual attraction for the first time. She said no to Harley, several times, he could have stopped, instead he played on her emotions. And if you remember, she was crying when she remembered the sex, yes she was attracted to Harley, yes, physically she enjoyed the sex and wanted more, but she also felt very guilty of failing her own values and cheating on her husband.

Indeed, rape in real life is different from a make belief movie by Tyler Perry, where Judith goes on to have an affair with Harley, but I have heard lots of stories of young ladies who think they are dating a guy innocously, and who are trying to abstain till marriage, only to be taken advantage of by their so-called boyfriend. It is rape, pure and simple.

Why Nice Guys Always Finish Last

Like I said in this post, I don't like the terms Bad Boys or Nice Guys, they are so binary and have such history behind them. I think Nice guys are people pleasers, either because of their personality, upbringing, or emotional baggage. There is nothing inherently good or bad about this, we are who we are. On the title of this post, I appreciate and agree with some of the points the writer on Nairaland. made, but in some others, he went for the hyperbole and lost me.

What’s wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys ™ are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity — a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are “users” — just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on “Nice Guys”, stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It’s no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life…Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find “Nice Guys” to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Magazine Covers I'm Liking

Both Genevieve and TW Magazines have featured two women that are not your stereotypical role models, as in they are not married, have children, or are perfect in the way most Nigerian women define a perfect life for a woman. OK, maybe Genevieve Nnaji kind of is perfect in that she looks like a barbie doll on her cover (see picture below).  For that I'm liking the magazine covers more, and their models of course are great role models in my opinion.

Ready For Love TV Show on NBC

Ready for Love is the new dating show from executive producer Eva Longoria, and is slightly modeled after the Bachelor series. The show premiered tonight on NBC and I think I'm almost ready to make it a weekly date with the three bachelors looking for love.

Eva Longoria personally selected the trio of soulmate-seeking guys - Dallas businessman Ben Patton, Santa Barbara musician Tim Lopez (of the "Hey There Delilah" group Plain White T's) and Miami entrepreneur Ernesto Arguello. For me, I think they are all sterotypically the tall dark and hadsome fairytale princes, rich and confident, but I also understand it is a show and they need something most people will like. Still I wish one of the guys was more average?

The key ingredient that differentiates this from the Bachelor series are the matchmakers, Amber Kelleher-Andrews (my favorite), relationship author Tracy McMillan (Why do you think you're not married) and dating coach Matt Hussey.

Julius Agwu Becomes an Author on His 40th Birthday

Actor and Comedian, Julius Agwu marked his 40th birthday recently and used the occasion to also launch his autobiography, "Jokes Apart, how did I get there?". The book was edited by Nigerian writer and editor, Toni Kan. Among those present to launch the book were Rivers State Governor Rotimi Amaechi, and other entertainment celebrities.

Traditional Wedding For Gay Couple - An African First

They say culture is dynamic and this was proven recently in South Africa, in the small town of KwaDukuza as a young gay couple said "I do", the traditional Zulu way. 
It was the area's 'First Traditional African Gay Wedding', and if my guess is correct, also the first in the whole of Africa. What I find quite heartwarming is the fact that their parents were present and supportive of them.

10 Tips For Healthy Personal Relationships

1. First and foremost, love yourself. Not selfish but true, natural and overflowing love.

2. Understand the puzzle called you. When you understand yourself, understanding others would not be difficult.

3. Express verbally your love for your spouse, children and ward.

4. When your spouse or child apologises, forgive completely. Be magnanimous. Even if they do not, be generous enough to forgive and let go, and never bring past issue(s) to current issue(s).

5. Be faithful to your spouse and trust him or her and do not discuss your domestic affairs with a third party: so many homes have been sent to the hangman's noose by the fatal tongues of gossips. As an appendage, never forget that to be trusted you need to be trustworthy.

Adventures of a Miss!! Episode 4

“Hey Toke, surprised?” she extends her hand to shake mine.

Is this girl normal, does she think I am her friend or what? “Zainab, what are you doing here, I thought I had a meeting with your husband?” I say trying to sound calm.

“No Toke, I used his phone to text you so I would be able to get you to come” she sets her purse on the chair and takes the other empty sit. “I know everything” she started. My palms were sweating like this girl was a giant. I think I can take her if it ever comes to a point where we need to get physical.

“OK Zainab, so what do you want from me, it…” she cut me off before I could finish.

“No, I’m not here to fight, trust me, I am here to make peace and I do have a business proposition for you”
This lady is crazy I swear, like what the hell kind of woman goes out of her way to make peace with someone who has slept with her husband. “Zainab, I’m sorry I don’t think I’ll be interested in your business proposition after all, it is just weird for me because I don’t know how you really feel about me. I wouldn’t like me if I was you so I wonder what you’ll gain from this deal.” I say as a matter of fact.

Olivia Pope's Scandal and Taking Your Own Advice

One program Myne and I enjoy watching is ABC's Scandal. Kerry Washington is Olivia Pope, the owner of a crisis management firm which is regularly called in by the high and mighty to help diffuse the eponymous scandals which would otherwise blow up in their faces.

A recurring theme in the series is Olivia Pope' love affair with the President of the USA. And before you start wondering, no, she is not the First Lady - and yes, there IS a First Lady. Not surprisingly, not being able to have the man she loves makes for a very miserable Ms. Pope.

In some recent episodes, Ms. Pope has taken to dishing out advice to some of her scandal-plagued clients. Nothing surprising about that, you might say - except that in some cases, the advice centres on the dangers of making wrong decisions or getting entangled with someone who is already taken. In other words, it is exactly the kind of advice that she needs to take herself.

Now before you start thinking "hypocrisy in a black dress", I should point out that Olivia Pope is very well aware of the fact that the advice she's giving could benefit her. In fact, she goes to such great lengths to spell it out to her clients that it's possible they know she's speaking from personal experience.

POLL - Can Women Have it All?

The debate about women having it all seems to always crop up at least once a year, or each time a working women has a child and then returns to work. When the working woman is a media personality like actress, Drew Barrymore, it makes news headlines which it is currently doing. But we discussed this topic over on Bukky Apampa's site last year, and these were my comments.

ALL is relative, don’t compare, be content, and relearn your attitude so you can be happy with what and where you find yourself. Michelle Obama had a top paying job before, now she is a SAHM as the FLOTUS for about 8 years. Same with Hilary Clinton who took time off when she was first lady and later ran for president, now a SOS.

It is different for everybody, some women have it all (happy and content) as SAHM, no career and they don’t want one. Some make partner at a big time lawfirm or CEO at a fortune500 either at 35 or at 65, it is all for them at different times. I could go on, but you get the idea. We are all different, and so are our decisions and options in life.