Confused Girl… On Being Attracted to Women

This is a response to Confused Girl's mail to Myne.

My dear lady, I read your dilemma with interest and find that rather than simply send you a one paragraph response, you require a well thought out and unbiased response to your dilemma. What I like to do is look at your situations from a variety of perspectives and then you get to decide what to do and how to move forward to deal with your situation.

And of course you actually have TWO unrelated problems rolled into one. I hope you realize that. Lets deal with one at a time. 

On your bisexuality

Let us start from the religious aspect. You are likely to get a number of responses from many Nigerians condemning your actions and behavior. This is not wrong, but is due to the fact that a large segment of Nigerians in and out of Nigeria remain strongly religious. As you have said this not an issue in your relationship, (but it could be, more on that possibility later). I suggest don’t take those critics too seriously, not that they are not to be heard, or might offer bad advice, but I believe to each his / her own. If you don’t hold / share those Christian perspectives and beliefs then you need not worry about them, or be held to them. And no, there is no demon or devil chasing you either! :) No one should not foster their beliefs on you, unless you are willing to freely embrace them.

Secondly, any true Christian will have only one line of advice for you. Go and find some solution or deliverance to your “problem” of bisexuality.  You can then of course freely and happily get married to your fiancé. However, if your fiancé is one who will intend to become more religious after marriage, (this tends to happen to many couples as they go on to have kids and realize they want their kids to have some religious structure in their lives). You might also want to consider that factor as you decide what to do next.

Omotola Jalade at the Time 100 Gala [Video]

Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde was named as an Icon on the Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People in the World list for 2013. Her citation;

Actress, singer, philanthropist, 34
By Richard Corliss
The world’s most productive English-language film industry is not Hollywood but Nollywood. The teeming Nigerian cinema grinds out some 2,500 movies a year, mostly direct-to-DVD quickies mixing melodrama, music and an evangelical Christian spin. (Think Bollywood via Tyler Perry.) Employing a million Nigerians, Nollywood enthralls millions more who come for the thrills, the uplift and the artful agitations of Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde — the Queen of Nollywood.

Called OmoSexy by her fans, she has made 300 or so features, from the 1996 Mortal Inheritance to the 2010 superproduction Ijé, shot partly on location in Los Angeles. Married to an airline pilot she wed on a flight from Lagos to Benin, Jalade-Ekeinde brings a juggler’s grace to her roles as actress, singer, reality-show star, mother of four and philanthropist (the Omotola Youth Empowerment Programme).

Success hasn’t spoiled Africa’s most renowned leading lady. Rather than going Hollywood, Omotola wants to stay Nollywood.

Corliss is TIME’s movie critic

See her pictures and video at the Time 100 Gala in New York below...

Some Celebrities and their Families

Omoni Oboli and her sons 2012

We often see them on the big or small screen, or all dolled and suited up on the red carpet, alone or with their partners, however, some celebrities can be quite protective of their families. Once in a while though, they share some pictures of them at home or out with their kids and for those of us who admire some of them, it can be encouraging. Check out more pictures of Omotola, Joke Silva and Olu Jacobs, Van Vicker, Ramsey Nouah, Charlyboy, Eldee and David Oyelowo. Enjoy!

Spinach Egusi Soup With Stockfish and Shrimp

This is my usual egusi soup recipe, somehow like this first one, with spinach but with the egusi cooked in the soup. This time also, I had just been to the African store, and had a new supply of stockfish, aka okporoko or panla.


Ingredients

3 cups Ground Egusi
5 pounds of your choice of beef, cut
1 pack of cut-up dried cod (okporoko/panla)
1 medium onion, chopped
1 large tomato, diced in large pieces
2 tablespoons of ground crayfish
3 teaspoons of ground pepper
1 cup of palm oil
2 cubes of maggi
2 packs of frozen chopped spinach
1 Pack of frozen large tailed shrimp
Salt to taste

Widow of Boston Bombing Suspect Speaks Out

A few days after the one of the boston bombing suspects was killed, and the other taken into custody, it was revealed that the older brother was married to an American woman, Katherine Russell Tsarnaev. She had been brought up Christian and had converted to Islam after marrying Tamerlan Tsarnaev, and she also was quite devout and observed the muslim practice of covering her head with a scarf.

This had made a lot of Americans to come out hard against her, and also to other people who may be married to other religions and cultures, and assimilating into them. I don't think that is a fair call or judgement to make, this is just one case and should not be extended to every person marrying across cultures or into Islam, and also no one knows at this time the full details of what happened with Katherine Russell's husband, how he was radicalized, and if she knew what was going on.

Well, her lawyer, Amato DeLuca, released the following statement this afternoon.

Our Firm is representing Katherine Russell and she has asked us to make a short statement. As you know from news reports, Katie married her husband in June of 2010. Since then, she has been living in Cambridge, raising her child and working long hours, caring for people in their homes who are unable to care for themselves. Katie grew up in Rhode Island and has always remained close to her parents and sisters here, as well as her extended family. She is fortunate to have the support of her loving family now, as they struggle to come to terms with these events and the deep sorrow we all feel following the events of last week. Meanwhile, she is doing everything she can to assist with the investigation.

Naming Nigeria - Flora Shaw and Sexism

Flora Shaw and Lord Lugard

By Robert Ojediran

It is an unfortunate consequence of our innate sexism as a people that when we hear the name Flora Shaw as the lady who named Nigeria, we see not a person - with a life, with achievements and with faults - rather we see the mistress/ wife to be of Lord Frederick Lugard. Ask any Nigerian and this is probably the only fact they know about Miss Shaw.

Our culture is one where a woman’s legacy is not a factor of her character or her achievements but simply by who her husband is. So when we think of the woman who named our country we cannot think beyond an ordinary mistress whispering ideas to her man in bed because that is her domain of control and of course it the man who carries out the act of the naming because only men can do important things. This could not be further from the truth.

Nigeria was named by Flora Shaw but not as a consequence her relationship with Lord Lugard as most people believe. She wrote an article in the London Times of January 8, 1897 suggesting that the territory around the Niger, which was then controlled by the Royal Niger Company, should be called Nigeria.

At the time she was the colonial editor of the London times in the 1890s. She had a column titled the colony, it appeared weekly. She wrote many articles about the acquisition of territories in Africa in the 1900’s and was considered as an expert on the issue. Her achievement in becoming the colonial editor of the London times was quite extraordinary. The paper was the leading voice at the time and widely regarded as one of the best.

6 Ways to Know You're a Side Chick

By Kiri Blakely

I've noticed a startling trend in the dating world: Something I'll call the "faux-girlfriend" phenomenon. That's when a guy treats you like a girlfriend in a lot of ways -- you spend holidays together, you've met his parents, you have your own clothes drawer at his place. In fact, things are so girlfriend-y that it seems the next logical step would be fiancee-y and then wife-y. But something insidious and underhanded is going on. There are men out there (and women too, I imagine) who treat you like a girlfriend -- but not really. That's usually because while he wants the regularity and companionship of a real girlfriend, he doesn't want the responsibility, the downsides, or the idea of cutting off his options.

How do you know if you might be the faux-girlfriend? Here's 6 bigtime clues.

Facebook status. Yes, no matter that you spend six nights out of seven together, and he calls you crying whenever he needs a pep talk, he still has not changed his status from "single" to "In a relationship." I know this sounds cliche, but it's a big one -- if you ask him to do it and he comes up with reasons why he can't. He might say he's a "private" person and doesn't want anyone knowing his personal life. What he really means is that he doesn't want the various cute women he's friended knowing his personal life.

You don't know where he lives. While this seems laughable, it's actually pretty easy to fall into a routine of meeting strictly at one person's place -- especially if that person is closer to where the action is. Maybe he constantly comes up with brilliant excuses as to why you can't see his place, like his roommate is messy or a psycho. The real reason? He wants to be able to safely retreat there if you break up and have you not know how to find him!

Pregnant Kate Middleton and Old Wives Tales

So the Duchess of Cambridge is fully showing these days and the buzz is about whether it's a boy or a girl. I tried to predict Kim Kardashian's belly using the old wives method that says round tummies are girls and longer tummies are boys. But it seems there are many old wives.

Word from the Frisky says, when one carries a low pregnancy tummy, like Kate Middleton, it is going to be a girl. Nowadays, it's easy enough to find out the sex of the baby but some women and couples choose to wait like Kate Middleton.

So who knows of other old wives pregnancy predictions? For those who have had children, did you find out by scanning? If not, did you play guessing games and how did it turn out?

Dear Myne - I am Bisexual, Should I Get Married?

Hi Myne, I know this is not the type of mails you usually receive, and I hope you and your readers will not judge me. I will be 25 years old later this year, and I’ve been engaged for almost a year now to my wonderful fiance and we live together and are sexually active. We live in the UK. We were both born Christians but not really overly religious or anything, so that’s not a factor. However, he does not know about my sexuality, that is, that I'm also attracted to women.

When he proposed to me, I accepted it without thinking too much about it. I"ve done a lot of growing up in the past one year, I graduated Uni, we moved in together six months ago, now I understand more what it means to make a lifetime commitment. Don't get me wrong, I love my fiance very much. He’s my best friend and knows me better than anyone else.  He would make an incredible husband as we get along very well and rarely fight.. But at the same time, I don’t feel I should go ahead and get married to him, especially if he doesn't know I'm bisexual.

How do I know I'm bisexual? I'm sure some people reading can guess. It is the usual, I went to an all girls boarding school in Nigeria and before I completed secondary school, I had two female lovers. The first was a senior who taught me all about it. I won't say she corrupted me because I was already sexually attracted to some other girls in my school before she made her move. The second was my classmate, we drifted together, or I toasted her, and we were together till we graduated. We lost contact when I moved to the UK.

POLL - What is your Love Language?

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book titled The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts and it became and still is, one of the go to books for counselling couples on how to keep their relationship fresh and nurtured. The love languages go both ways, the ones you like to receive and the ones you like to give.