Hello Myne, I am a 29 year old woman who met Joe four years ago. When we met I was a temporary staff at my office, he had a comfortable job and a service car. He was nice to me, would on occasion give me money, not huge sums though. One year later, Joe resigned from his job to start his own business.
A few months after his resignation I was made permanent at my company. God had been good to me and I bought a car. I was so in love with Joe and was determined to make things work for him. I loaned him about 10 000 dollars in small bits for the two plus years we were dating. He needed the money as business was slow and I obliged.
By the time we were getting married last year I decided to sell my car for wedding expenses and starting a family. I entrusted the sale to Joe. I found out after the wedding that he had sold it and used the money for his business without telling me. We live in different towns so along with my car, it was easy for him to sell all my household equipment and some of our wedding gifts.
Immediately after the wedding I got pregnant, but Joe never gave me a dime for clinic nor to prepare for the baby. He is now cruel to me and I don't understand why. Joe has bought a car now and won't even carry me nor my child in it. His business is picking up but he refuses to support me and the child. I have debts I don't even know how to pay cause I had to borrow to pay some hospital bills after a difficult birth for my baby.
In my house right now I sleep on the floor no bed, while my husband goes out clubbing. I am at wits end everybody talks about me. I am so discouraged I feel like ending my life. I don't know where to run to, I cannot even get a divorce cause I don't even have the money to file for one. My salary is barely enough for my kid and I.
Please I need your kindly advice and that of your readers. My life is hell right now.
My question is, what would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you leave him and worry about divorcing him later, or would you publish his name in the papers to shame him into paying child support?
Myne, this lady needs that free divorce you blogged about, if only she lives in Michigan. She should divorce him, publish his name in the papers and get not just child support but her 10000 dollars too!
ReplyDeleteUju biko nu.
DeleteBut I agree with you
Divorce.
ReplyDeleteokay, is he abusing u physically? etc.. I would say u should get on ur knees and pray! I don't believe divorce answers all but he needs to wake up! does he have family members and (or) friends u can talk to? is there anyone he respects soo much to listen to?
ReplyDeleteYour marriage is a year old and I believe you can still fight for it with expections of physical abuse (where u need a safe place). Hold on, u will be fine xx
exceptions***
DeleteDivorce is not the answer to everything. Involve your families, and maybe you need to move back to the city where he lives and into the same house as him. Does he suspect you of cheating? Maybe if he sees the child he will reconsider.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard... What do I tell you now? Cos you see, If I were you, I would not have married him.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'd say,try talking with him to see why he's acting that way. Maybe you could even talk him into counselling.
He is a user, please move on with your life. Probably he will come back some day begging, his type usually does for their child at least.
ReplyDeleteI am disgusted by some of the responses i read. Something similar like this happened to me and the funny thing is that my ex husbands name was also joe. My my my, if you stay in this marriage you can lose your life because the stress alone will drive your blood pressure level so high. Like you i sacrificed all my life for a man named joe who abused and neglected me.Get help and comfort from friends and family. I know its hard but soon you will be the one to have the last laugh. Never give up. Stay strong for your child. That man is wicked and selfish.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this marriage has hope or not. What I do know is you are going to have to find a way to make money so that you and your child do not have to sleep on the floor. If it means you will eventually cut your losses and leave the marriage, please do not for one second consider what 'people' will say. Your life, mental stability and health are the things you need to protect so that you can raise your child well. God help you.
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty deep and sensitive. My first reaction is anger/blame but there is no need for that, what you need is a solution. The instant solution that fell into my spirit is prayer, wisdom and strength. You need to pray for wisdom because I believe your hubby had a malicious intention from the beginning and God knows nobody knows his heart and what is capable of.
ReplyDeletePls speak to family and friends and seek out professional advice.
I am appalled that he refuses to provide for his own child. If he does not love his own flesh and blood (his child) then what do you think he feels for you? Find the courage to walk out that door and start over. Do not even contemplate suicide...who will love your child when you are gone? Certainly not him! Talk to your close family and ask for their help. I will pray for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a counselor neither do I have all the answers but one thing I do know is divorcing him wouldn't take away the pain you feel, neither would it make you happier. Instead, it cuts you even deeper.. When you married him, I believe you declared these words "for better for worse." Now this is one of those dark moments in your life. I would suggest you keep talking to God about your situation. Only him can heal your soul and restore to you your lost joy. If we hope for what we do not yet see we wait for it patiently. Be strong
ReplyDeleteI don't care about staying in this marriage o. The foundation wasn't love in the first instance from what I see.
ReplyDeleteShe still has a job right? So all isn't bad. Pray for strength and sort out yourself and finances first. Divorce will come in good time but from what I see that's not the most pressing need. If you need physical space from him by all means have a separation and find you a safe place for you and your baby. God has not said its over yet. Hold on.
what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. HOWEVER, WHAT ABOUT A CASE LIKE THIS WHERE GOD DID NOT JOIN TOGETHER?
ReplyDeleteThis kind of situation takes us back to the question of what people do when in courtship. Do they just 'enjoy' the love at that time or take time to observe their spouse? People have prefered to look away when they should look inwards and the after-effects are issues like this. For now, you must get both of you to 'communicate' and find out whare the wrong crept in. It is only then that a possible solution can be gotten.
ReplyDeleteThe relationship was not real from the begining.i see no reason why a woman we sell her things just because of wedding and they were both staying in different location...well just go on your needs and pray to GOD to intervene and use your brain.
ReplyDeleteNa wa o...May God deliver her from this kain predicament...I dont have any advice on what she should do ooo except pray...or better, get on VERASTIC...After last weeks show, this man might need a little Naija wake up!
ReplyDeleteThis doesn't sound like a marriage to me. The guy was obviously using her for his own selfish reasons. The issues are no longer grey but in black and white. Move on before he kills you emotionally and mentally. If you don't remove yourself from that situation, you may end up depressed and mentally ill. You need to pickup yourself and realize you deserve much better than the way you are being treated. All the best
ReplyDelete