Good Girls like Bad Guys; Fact or Fiction?

By Eky Shirley

Happy new week everyone. Hope you all had a fabulous weekend and stayed out of trouble. Okay, since we have gotten the confessions out of the way, let us examine today`s mini discourse. I am quite certain most of us have come across this saying, at one time or another. 'Good girls love bad guys'. How true is it though? I can already hear the varying arguments in my head; for and against.

Would You Use Sex as a Bargaining Chip?

By Eky Shirley

Is SEX a Bargaining Chip????

Every couple, even those with marriages or relationships made in heaven, have their moments of disagreement. Sometimes, it could get really messy. Some people have been known to turn their backs to 'hubby' or 'wifey' when they reached out for them after 'lights out'; because they were upset. Some have been known to hold out on having sex with their mates, till they get what they want, have their requests met, etc.

Her Marriage Lasted Only 2 Days - Did This Wife Make the Right Decision to Leave?

When you're in the crowd where two people say their "I dos", the assumption is that they must have known each other well enough, possible dated or courted for several months at least, discussed all the issues and topics that may impact their relationship, and have agreed to take each other, warts and all.

This is not always the case however, as this witness to a marriage that lasted two days shared on this FB Page. His testimony;

Mehnnn things are happening ooo! A marriage that lasted for 2days and both went seperate ways.the husband after the wedding on saturday @ night asked the wife to change her sim card and close all her accounts on any social network she operates.the wife felt that if the husband acted due to lack of trust,then there was no points marrying her in the first place.all efforts to make them see reason fell on deaf ears,even the pastor who joined dem was called to rescue the marriage but could'nt succeed.the wife said she could not stay in a marriage where there is no trust so she packed her belongings and left.What a World!!!

Was the wife right to have taken this decision? Why did the husband wait till after the marriage to state how seriously her social media activities bothered him? What is even more worrisome is that some people, a lot actually, believe the wife was wrong, and heap ALL the blame on her head. Seriously?

A Male Commenter - See how westernization & modern life is destroying girls in africa. In Africa, women are to totally submissive to men, that was why u hardly hear of divorce during our forefathres, but now, women place westernization above marriage. If the story is virtually real, the lady in question is not marriageable. She should have simply done wht the husband requires of her then later find reasons to convince her man on why she wants to keep the social network. Its only weak ladies that cannot convince a man. Men are equally soft minded but always insist on them being respect at all time. A women argues her husband bcos she lack power to melt the heart of her husband. This is one big factor that leads to fatal breakup. That lady made a big mistake cos the man has the right to ask her to shutdown her social network on reasonable grounds. Marriage is never a joke & a girl that allows such reason to marr her marriage is a fool.

 Please, these marriage from hell stories are getting too much, let's discuss.

Oprah or the Handbag Sales Woman - Who Decides What is Racism?

#solidarityisforwhitewomen is currently trending on Twitter. I have no idea if the hashtag has anything to do with the Oprah case but it sure got me thinking. Who decides what racism is? Is it the person claiming to have been discriminated aganst, or the person accused of being racist?

Are Women More Daring or Safer Drivers Than Men?

I drive the car more often than Atala does as he prefers commuting to work using his bike. Because of this, the driving seat is adjusted to my smallie legs, as are the mirrors. This means that sometimes when we want to go out, I'm the one driving. I also love driving, and when we did our road trip I was ecstatic being let loose on the open roads.

Did They Have Better Sex In the Past Than Now?

In an interview I did recently with HealthnewsNG, they asked, "Which generation had the best sex life - ours or our forefathers? Why is this so?" My answer was; "I wasn't there at the time of our fore-fathers so I couldn't really say. But the fattening rooms of time past is also said to be venues to teach young women how they can enjoy sex with their husbands so they probably had it good."

Is Premarital Sex Necessary To Keep Relationships?

Whether online or on the streets, the issue of sex before marriage is always controversial. Some people are able to abstain, either from personal convictions or their religious beliefs or simply avoiding romantic attachments until they're ready for marriage. Others are more about doing what works for their relationship and regard sex as part of what binds them to their loved ones.

Would You Give Your Husband a Pregnancy Pass?

Do I hear someone ask what a pregnancy pass was? If you're like me, you'll be very surprised. I thought it had to do with giving pregnant women time off or allowing them not to perform certain tasks, but that's so not it. The pregnancy pass came up on the new FOX TV show “The Real,” and it was Tamar Braxton who just had her baby some weeks ago that asked the question. So what is it?

The Wife Material Syndrome - Cooking, Cleaning, No Clubbing?

In this episode of her vlog series, Toke Makinwa talks about the "wife material syndrome" - women who think they have to behave in very specific ways before the man they're dating will propose. She uses the more common "domestic and homely" examples like cooking, cleaning, and no-clubbing which some Nigerian men and women seem to think is the be all and end all of what makes a woman a wife. Watch and share your thoughts.

Will You Accept For Your Man to Cheat Because You're Celibate?

So, Nick Carey and Mariah Carey Waited To Get Married Before Sex. Back in December, Nick Cannon told Howard Stern that he and Carey, 40, didn't have sex until they were officially married, candidly revealing on Stern's radio show, "It was Mariah Carey. If Mariah Carey gave a bad blowjob, I'm still going in ... Either way she's still one of the most beautiful women that ever walked the planet."

Does it Really Matter Who Makes The Money in a Relationship?

One of the judges of Britain's Got Talent, Alesha Dixon announced last week that she was pregnant with Nigerian boyfriend, Azuka Ononye's child. Before then, their relationship had been private, and it seems for good reason too. Azuka is a dancer who comes from humble beginnings and still earns less than his star girlfriend. Like a lot less.

Should You Tell If You Or A Friend Cheats?

We're watching Mistresses, a new Summer series on ABC which deals with married people being unfaithful or single people dating married people. My opinion is that when it comes to infidelity, the best thing is to determine not to do it at all. Don't cheat, flee all temptation and any or all appearances of cheating. If you think that fine guy or woman will get you to fall, then cut it sharply.

Is Marriage the only valid outcome of a Relationship?

Lola Omotayo, Peter Okoye's romantic partner and mother of his two children, recently granted an interview where she spoke about her relationship with him, and how it has been dating one half of one the music group for years now. After the interview, there was a storm of comments on blogs and social media, with a lot of people insisting she was making a mistake by not insisting on a ring.

Should Men Carry Their Girlfriend's or Wife's Handbag?

In the picture of Zoe Saldana with her new boyfriend [see here] he is carrying her handbag and that got me thinking. One often hears stories of men who say they would rather die than carry their wife's or girlfriend's handbag. Then there are those who don't really mind or wouldn't but fear being teased or thought to be less of a man if they did that.

A friend spoke of how after her husband helped her carry her handbag - she was carrying their baby and had to answer a phone call so handed hubby her coach tote - her own father who had also been there warned them seriously. She had to respectfully disagree with her dad, and her hubby spoke up too. The father was worried about gender roles, appearances of respect and what people would say. The couple on their part tried to emphasize that what mattered was their relationship and whether they understood each other. He was just helping.

Now, I don't want to make it seem like carrying a woman's handbag is like the ultimate of all symbols of love. The gesture, on its own, is not a definition or confirmation of love, but can be a way to show you care for your partner, PDA if you will.

The funny thing for me, or maybe not so funny, is the way some men look at female handbags like there was a contaminable disease they could get by carrying one.

POLL - Open or Closed Bathroom Door For Couples?

The times Atala came to visit me while we were still dating, he stayed with me. That was when I first considered the issue of open or closed bathroom doors. The doors remained closed that time, and for the first few weeks of our marriage. And then slowly, they began to open. The slide to open doors began as we had more and more showers together and it has been shifting to other activities too.

Would you date a guy who does not speak ‘good’ English?

Most women dream of one day meeting a man they can fall in love with and who will love them back. In the dream, they end up married, he is the father of her children, and they spend the rest of their lives together.
In these dreams, the man is usually handsome with a good physique, well dressed, rich, educated, romantic and well mannered. But does this man also have to speak impeccable English?

Is Infidelity Always The End Of A Marriage?

We've all heard the story, either a public figure or celebrity, or someone we know confesses to an extramarital affair, and tongues start wagging. Sometimes, the marriage in question withstands the infidelity; other times, the breach of trust is too deep, and the couple splits. The question of which marriage will, and which will not withstand infidelity continues to be a guessing game.

How Much Do You Tell Before Marriage?

Before and after plastic surgery

Who remembers this picture of a Chinese woman who supposedly was sued by her husband for deceiveing him into marrying a post-cosmetic surgery beauty, without letting him know she was not so good looking in the real sense. How did he find out? They had a not so pretty baby that looked like none of them. The story goes on to say he got several millions in damages. True or false, it made me think of what we keep to ourselves when about to get married, and what to share. Some things that come to mind include;

1. Sexual History - Some will ask, what's your number? As girls I hear it should never be more than 1, OK maybe 3. Say you're a secondary virgin, old things have passed away and refuse to give a number, it's a lady's prerogative not to kiss and tell. If push comes to shove, claim virgin and use alum.

2. Previous Cosmetic Surgery - Like the lady in the picture, if you have changed drastically in mostly irreversible ways, it would be nice to let the other person know. This also includes massive weight loss, breast and butt implants, etc.

3. Medical History including STIs, Genotype, Chronic or Genetic diseases. This is more serious, and even more important. If you guys end up together, your life and that of your children could depend on whether you have shared such crucial information.

So Physical Touch is not so Important?

Last week I set up the poll asking what people's love language was, and it turns out physical touch was one of the bottom two, and very far from the top, 12 votes to quality time, which had 42 votes. I can say I am a bit surprised. Atala thinks maybe it's because majority of my readers and the poll respondents are women, and probably physical touch is not so important to women.

I'm not so sure about that. Personally, physical touch ranks third for what I want to receive, and second to what I want to give. I was quite surprised at how poorly it did in this poll, at a point, it was at the bottom of the poll with just two votes.

My dear readers, both men and women, do you think women discount physical touch so much? I am comparing this to the knowledge that for a lot of men, physical touch is either number one or two on their priority. Could this be a problem between couples? Or was there a problem with my poll?

Is the Other Woman Sometimes Needed?

By Mgcini Nyoni

A friend of mine – a female friend, one day told a stunned group of colleagues that the ‘small house’ (a married man’s girlfriend), actually strengthens marriages, contrary to popular belief that ‘small houses’ are home wreckers. She gave three reasons for her conclusions:

One: If a good man cheats, he compensates for his bad deed by treating his wife extremely well; a descending wife will realise that this is the time to put in all the requests and they will all be fulfilled. A lot of people will question why I am saying, if a good man cheats when almost everyone is agreed that a man who cheats on his wife is a bad man: The definition of a good man goes beyond whether he cheats or not and in most cases whether he cheats or not does not even factor into his qualification of good or bad.

The cheating moments in a man’s life provides a stimulus that is needed to bring excitement and happiness to a marriage that had reached a boring patch. It is however important to note that the ‘cheating moment’ magic only works in the hands of ‘good men’; men who know that the wife always comes first and who make it clear to the small house that she will always be second best. Take a deep breath and read again; the theory is not as crazy as you think.